May the success of God go with you. Cause its not going with me!

Well, the inevitable happened last night. I got into a fight with my Grandma about music. 6 months ago I gave her a copy of Better Than Dead Air: The EP so she could hear what OJK sounded like. Suprisingly her and my Grandpa listened to it alot, had my uncle listen to it, and they liked it. And by like it I mean they didn't throw the CD at a cow. They liked it as much as old people can like rock. She told me there was just something missing about it tho. I held my breath and waited for it.......and she asked if we were a Christian band. I knew it was coming, it has been for a long time now. So I explaned that we were 4 Christian guys in a band. She asked if our lyrics were Christian. This led to a conversation on music and bands and Christian bands and why she thought I was condemned to hell. Ok, she didn't say that, but she did say that we would be much more successful if our music was Christian. Not because of the market for Christian music, but because God blesses those who serve in his kingdom. At this point my dad couldn't take it any longer and asked her (keep in mind this is his Mother In Law) if she believed Rockafeller was the most Christian man to ever live. "Well, no, of course not" she said. The arguement ensued that he was vastly successful in business, and that must have been a direct blessing from God for being such a good Christian. I don't think my grandma liked that any cause it basically shot her theory down to heresy. Needless to say, the conversation soon ended and I (with some well timed and well spoken help from my dad) convinced everyone in the room (with the exclusion of my grandma probably) that an artist in any medium need not be expressly Christian to be influencial, successful or a Christian. So in the end, she said she has no doubt our music will be popular and I probably got myself written out of the will. She said we would be popular, but unless we were expressly Christian, we wouldn't be successful. I'm interested to see if she brings it up again, I kinda hope she does. My dad later thanked me for most likely getting us disowned from the family. Hehehe. I fould the whole thing rather an educational experiance (although it was my grandma who got schooled), and entertaining, especially when my dad jumped in on my side. So thats my grand adventure from the evening.
______ of the day: Hope floats, but kitchen sink.
The 'holey-bread!-break-is-almost-over!' Ogukuo

And now for something we hold you'll really like

So I celibrated my 2 dozenth Christmas yesterday. I've decided that the best part of Christmas is family. I got a few fun gifts, but the best part of the whole ordeal was card games and throwing around stories with all the cousins.
Heres one cousin and 4 first cousins once removed. Yup, theres a whole new generation of males in the Van Dyken lineage to carry on the tradition of lacking a girl. So far the tally is up to 6 in my generation and 4 in the next generation sans gf. Of course the oldest of the next gen is only a freshman in highschool, so they have some time.






Here's the parental units being all jolly and such.














Here's Grandpa. He was celibrating his 94th Christmas. Most of his gifts were chocolate, which he was more than willing to share :).











So one of my gifts was a new digital camera, which is to thank for new addition of pictures to my blog. Its a fun toy. Can't wait to get back and do some shooting around with friends at parties like everyone else. And I can show off all the pictures of my family and place of dwelling. I've finally given into digital, but of course, strictly for the reason of capturing memories. I'll stick to film for the artistic realm. Hopefully I'll capture some of that later this week. I hope to head up to the mountains and to see them and perhaps shoot a few shots. That is, assuming it clears up by then. Its supposed to be raining here tonight and tomorrow. At least its not terribly cold, somewheres in the 50s.
Ok, I suppose thats all I have for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say once I've gotten together with my old buddies later this week. Crazy times (such as a game of Risk) are always around the corner with this group!! Maybe even a rousing game of "remember in high school when..." Oh yeah, crazy dangerous group.
______ of the day: Commas are raining in the chit-chat area of sector G.
The Christmas'd Ogukuo

Friends and Theology (not related, just my chosen rant topics tonight)

People are leaving, most have left. Some I'll never see again. Or rarely will. I miss them already. Maybe sticking around Dordt will make things harder in the long run. Instead of a clean break, I deal with losing friends every few months. So heres a question, is it worth sticking around for the quality times you know you'll have if it also prolongs the pain of goodbyes? I could be back in CA right now not caring about people leaving Dordt. My mood would be better, I'd be happier. But I'd also have missed all the fun of this past semester. And the fun of this coming semester, even tho its gonna suck with people leave in May as well. I dunno what the answer is. Maybe its a good life lesson. Or maybe I'll keep stronger long distance friendships with these people because I stuck around. Time will tell, I guess.
Saturday I head down to Blair, NE. As near as I can tell, I get to bake brownies and Christmas cookies, have spagetti for supper, and sleep on a sofa bed. Yay. I'm looking forward to it. And Sunday I head to Eppley Airfield, Denver, Sacramento, and home (God and weather willing, mostly God, of course). This will be the first time flying on a Sunday. Perhaps that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me. I really wanted to book a flight on Friday or Saturday, but Sunday being Christmas Eve, it was much cheaper (and it had to do with work sch, among other things). Growing up, Sunday was reserved for church, family time, relaxation, and naps. We never went out to eat, shopping, or even gassed up the car. Nothing that would require us to "work", or to make others "work". I still try to avoid eating out or shopping or anything like that on Sunday. I know, that sounds old fashioned and very letter of the law. I struggle with what to make of the whole thing. Of course, theres the OT law, very strict and rule oriented, and the NT interpretation by Jesus that encouraged the spirit of the law, but how far before the meaning is lost altogether? I guess for me, Sunday is more about what you do, not what you don't do. And by doing something like flying, I believe I'm missing out on the important aspects of Sunday, such as relaxing. And I could try to justify it by saying I'll nap on the plane, or I can read the Bible on my layover. Way to aspire to that letter of the law!! I know Pastor Herm did a sermon a while back on the meaning of the Sabboth, and he came to a very different conclusion than what I hold to. So does that mean I'm wrong? Of course, if I come to the conclusion that I agree with him, it goes against what was taught in the church I grew up in, so would that make me wrong? What a wonderful catch-22. So the answer is I don't know. Perhaps it isn't a defined sin to grocery shop on Sunday or go out for coffee after church. But its something I personally am gonna try to avoid. And please don't take this as me preaching at you if you do those things on Sunday, I'm not. I'm merely working it out in my own mind. You're just lucky (or bored) enough to come along for the ride.
So, as with so many other posts, I again have no idea where this came from, just a rant. Now I turn to the panel for your input....
_____ of the day: Today is the first day of winter, 4:30 am, in Iowa, and its raining outside!! Not snowing, sleeting, freezing rain, no, real rain!!!!
The breaked Ogukuo

The greatest thing you'll ever learn...

is just to love and be loved in return.
I watched Moulin Rouge! tonight, but you coulda figured that out by the blog title if you've seen the movie. I liked it. I watched it a few years ago and didn't like it then. I'm pretty sure the movie hasn't changed... huh. Its evidentially part of an unofficial trilogy by director Baz Luhrmann. Its part 3, Romeo+Juliet is part 2, and Strictly Ballroom is part 1. Never heard of Strictly Ballroom, but I really like the other two, so I think I’ll check it out.
The weekend is over. I’m back to work for the week. But only til Friday morning, then I’m off for the rest of the year! Yay!! This weekend was a good weekend, over all. Went to morning church for the first time in a month today. Probably won’t again for quite a while . People seem to like condemning me for that. I guess it makes them feel extra holy or something. Good for them, if it gives them a self-serving high, who am I to reign down reality on them?
I think Christmas dinner with my family is gonna be interesting. Mostly cause I’ve changed, as in my taste in music, movies, views on politics, etc. I think I may be a bit outside of the “mainstream” of the rest of my family now. Lively discussion is eminent. And I look forward to it.
I’ve lost track of this post, so instead of wandering aimlessly thru random thoughts I’m just gonna pull the brakes now and save you a lot of time and eye rolling.
_______ of the day: the first part appears easy to fall into, but the second part seems to be impossible to attain.
The staying Ogukuo

When darkness turns to light

Wednesday already. Well, Thursday, actually. For some reason this week is goin fast. WHich means this weekend will too, not good. I haven't posted in a while, but thats because I don't have anything to say really. Sunday night was cool, a very good show over all, not personally, but over all. Some connections made, friends made, fun time had, brownies eaten, Beej rocked.
A week from now I'll be getting ready to head home. I'm a little worried. I'm only gonna have 5 days or so to split between several different groups of people, all of whom I want to see and spend time with. And hopefully some time by myself. For the past 6 months I have wanted nothing more than to drive up into the mountains and spend some time just soaking it in. When I'm home I'll have that chance. If I can get away for a day to do it. No planned stops, no camera, no sled, only my senses to remember what true beauty is. I think we all need that once in a while. Sadly we rarely realize it, and even rarerly search it out. I'm gonna try. My heart could also use a refill on family and old friends. I fear coming back here and being hit by the full reality that is January.
Thats all for now folks.
_______ of the day: When all you got to keep is strong, move along move along
The moving-along Ogukuo

A good 3 point CRC sermon. Err, post I mean.

I think staying up all night has allowed me to really think about life and come to some conclusions about it. And I mean general conclusions, of course, I still don't know any specifics. So tonights ramblings consist of three parts: pt. 1, moving on; pt. 2, job; pt. 3, the future.

Part one: Moving on. It suddenly struck me (since I've been trying to deny it for a while) that several of my closest friends will not be around next semester, or after that, in most cases. It brings a tear to my eye, literally. I have a few more weeks, and then those relationships as I know them are over. I want as much time with you (and you know who you are) now while I can. I guess that makes me selfish. Or human. But, this isn't all bad. I mean people moving away is, but we have a new roommate for next semester, and people basically lining up for this summer. May not sound like a big deal, but it is to me, being rather poor and wanting roomies to spread the wealth and to hang out with. Yay for people who are sticking around :).

Part two: The job. Yeah, this is an interesting one. I'm really enjoying it, sans ending my social life at 10 pm most nights. I enjoy the free time at work, I enjoy being able to bake at work (hopefully more of that in the future), and most of all I think I'm going to enjoy working with the boys. Obviously right now I don't have much contact with them, but I know I'll be working some morning shifts at some point, and perhaps even days sooner or later. And I'm looking forward to it. I know these kids can have behavioral problems, but from everyone has said, its alot of fun to work with them, and they are really great guys. I'm looking forward to finding out for myself.

Part three: The future. So, here it is. I'm a California boy. Always have been, and evidentally always will be. Living in NW Iowa for the past 6 months I've come to realize how much I miss California. A few nights ago I was driving into work and was on a rather flat part of the country side, and for some reason the lights and trees and whatever suddenly looked just like an area along a road out in the country I drive down frequently back in CA. My heart skipped a beat, I wanted so badly to be back there. And today I got a package from my parents that had fresh oranges from our orange tree in our yard, as well as polmagranates. I've been eating oranges all summer, and what I got tonight was 10 times better than the best orange I ever bought in a store here. I miss mountains, the ocean, fresh fruit, fresh vegitables, the weather, and all that goes along with those things. And a million other small things. Ok, I know, I do have a ton of reasons why I dont like CA, and they still stand, but man, I really really miss all the things on the plus side. I've come to the conclusion that for the sake of myself I'm gonna have to move back to California sooner or later if nothing else convinces me otherwise. Such as finding someplace better. Sorry to Iowa people, but Iowa ain't it.

So thats that. Lemme know what you think.

______ of the day: Easy come, easy go, but what if it doesn't come easy?
The _______ Ogukuo

Free time!

Wow, for the first time in 5 days I had a few free hours tonight where I wasn't working, sleeping, or driving between the two aforementioned activities. It was odd, I felt guilty sitting in the bean talking with friends. And at the same time, it was rapturous! Ok, dunno if thats a word, or if it is, if its slightly sputtonous. Probably not, oh well. It was like being at the townhouse on a weekend, but it was in the bean, the group of people was fun and exciting.
In a matter of 3 short hours I will be goin home to experiance a break of 40 hours from work, oh joy! And the highlight of those 40 hours will be the 1/2 hour I spend on stage tomorrow night at our show. Its been a while since we had a show, I'm glad we're having one again. Er, two again, since we have one on Sunday as well. And Jeff is back in town!! (or should be by this time, at least). So looking forward to seeing him. Hes one of those guys who I never really got to know, cause I met him too late and he left too soon, but I know hes a cool guy, and very much look forward to seeing him.
So I'm on two pages right now, one blogging, and the other looking at a Fender Jaguar. It is very pretty. And very expensive (by my standards). Wanna get me a Christmas present?? :) Ideally that will be my next big musical purchase, but who knows. If I actually start playing piano like I should and want to, perhaps I'll buy a decent keyboard first. And by keyboard I mean more like electric piano, or whatever you call those nice ones, not something that sounds like pain being delivered thru a 3 1/2 inch speaker. I should start taking lessons again not because I need to learn, but to force myself to actually practice.
Ok, I could go on, but then I'd never end, once again I apologize for a long post, and congradulate and thank you if you made it all the way thru.
_______ of the day: any one else like The Fray?
The in-the-dark Ogukuo

Oops, I forgot a title

Greetings and welcome to another mid night fireside talk. I'm writing a bit early tonight, but I'm trying to avoid watching tv all night at work. I've kinda done that the last few nights, and I wanna get something productive done instead. Wait a minute, I'm blogging!! Well, its not tv, its a step in the right direction.
I had my first dream about work last night. Normally I'm off work at 6:30 just when the kids are getting up, but a a few times now I've stuck around for the morning ruitine of showers, breakfast, etc. That'll prolly happen more with bad weather delaying the morning people from coming in. Anyway, my dream was about the morning shift. And its wierd, cause it was partially very realistic, like I was actually in the home where I work, the kids I work with were here, and the layout was all the same. And I was helping them thru the morning ruitine that I'd actually be helping them with. But the dream was also very odd, cause there was one door in the room that lead to an indoor tennis court (FYI, that doesn't exist for realsies here). So when I had a few minutes between getting the boys ready and doin room checks, etc (which does happen, theres always a few breaks in the ruitine) I would step in there and play some tennis. I'd play for a while, then go back and keep the boys moving and getting ready for school. I dunno, very strange. Analize me, I'm sure its a sign of something.
On an unrelated note, I realized something yesterday (or Sunday, I dunno with my new sleeping sch its really hard to tell what "yesterday", "today", and "tomorrow" mean anymore). My group of 6 buds from highschool are all gonna be in Ripon over Christmas break. Kinda rare that we'll all be there at the same time, hasn't happened more than a few times since HS grad. Looking forward to it, should be some quality catching up time (most likely over lunch at Pizza Plus and a game of Risk, hurray for silly traditions!!). However, I realized that in the 5 years (yikes!!) since graduating HS, one of my old friends is married, 2 more are gonna be this summer, and all 5 of the guys besides me have "real" jobs. And here I am working the graveyard shift at a temporary job. Ok, its full time, pays decently, and I get some perks like paid days off, etc, but its by no means what I would call a career. And I have no hint of a girl. Seems like I'm kinda running last in the race. And part of me feels bad about it, since they are all getting settled into life and I'm not, while part of me is glad. I mean, I like still hanging out with all the college kids, having social gatherings every weekend and basically living bachelor life to its fullest (as in a messy room and unmade bed). And obviously there would be a significant sacrafice there when I find a job and/or girl. I was talking to someone this past weekend about how that special someone will change me. And duh, of course thats gonna happen. And finding a career type job will change me too. Part of me wants those changes, and part of my doesn't. And the part of me that doesn't seems to be holding on pretty strong since I'm taking no major steps towards changing either of those areas. Its gonna be interesting to look back in 5 years and see how I progress from a 23 year old hanging on to college life to being more settled down and living a "real" life. That is, assuming that in 5 years I've reached that point, tough to say. Who knows, by then I may be traveling the country in the biggest band since the Beatles.
Well, I have pleanty more to say, but I'll save it for later.
___________________ of the day: Thats an awefully big ____, I don't think I have anything profound enough to fill it
The "I'm 2/3 the way thru my 13 hour work day! yay!" Ogukuo

Status Quo

I've come to a few realizations the past few days. First, I'm glad to be alive, and second, I want to be musical.
For anyone who is feeling down about life, I highly recommend watching Garden State. I watched it a few nights ago at work, and it made me so glad to be alive. I dunno, it just seemed to kinda kick me and say "hey, live life to its fullest, enjoy what you have, strive for what you don't, and cut your losses for what you can't have". Good words to hear, even in the abstract. Not to mention some recent events in my life have made me very grateful for what I have and what I take for granted. You probably don't know what I'm talking about, but be thankful with me for certain things that arn't nearly as bad as they could have been. I think being away from family is taking its toll. Being home for Christmas and seeing those who are the closest to me will be a very very good thing. I just wish they new me better for who I am and what I do. As much as I love my family, I don't think they get how much art and music play a part in my life. I guess its my job to try to enlighten them.
I also am going to try from this point on to make a concerted effort to spend more time playing piano, guitar, and writing music. Since those talents don't exactly shine at this point I want to work on them so that I can be more accomplished in them. I know somewhere buried deep down I really have a talent for music, its just a matter of finding it and practicing and bringing it out. And not working on that would be wasteful and sinful and just plain a shame. God, please give me discipline.
_______ of the day: I'll take boring over tragic
The thankful Ogukuo

And then this comes

About 12 hours ago a young man from North Hall passed on. Out of the blue, totally unexpected. I didn't know him. But I feel a connection to him through community. Already last night there was a prayer service. I saw many people affected by his absence, most of whom didn't know him.
Hearing of his death reminded me of 3 young men from my high school who died too young as well. One by a car accident, one by a heart defect, and one by his own hand. Each one a special boy, as I'm sure Jon was.
Say a prayer for his family, his friends, and his community.

Sorry, its a long one...

So my last post went kinda ranty about having lots of stuff and being rich and yet unsatisfied. The truth is, I am satisfied with what I have. I mean, in the broad sense I am, of course there are those times when I really wish I had whatever the toy of the moment is. Sometimes its new guitar stuff, sometimes its something completely random that I would probably never use.
But I was thinking about it, and the thing I usually find myself wanting more of is human relationships. And I know I have that, I have wonderful friends, and I love you all, but I know I could be better at it, as in a better friend. That’s where a real richness is, not in whatever toys I have. I realized at some point that I’m usually making my, shall we say, negative posts whenever I haven’t been hanging out with friends for a while. They don’t come after not watching tv for a while, or after my computer goes down. And that’s why I love the weekend, not cause I have more free time to sit in front of the tv, but that’s when people come over. It’s also why I love hanging out in the Bean or in the art area. I usually find people there to talk to and hang out with. Of course, part of human relationships is also that ever so elusive relationship with a member of the opposite gender. But, yeah, I’ll take what I can get for now. And for now that’s great friendships, and I’m very happy with those. Hopefully any future elusive exclusive relationship doesn’t detract from my other friendships, that’d just suck.
I like my life right now. It’s by no means perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful for what I do have. I have wonderful friendships, I’m close to a community that I feel I’m part of, and access to means to create art. For the past year or so I’ve been dreading growing up and eventually moving on with my life, and I’m trying to get over that. If I spend all my time cringing because I know in a few years my life will be different than it is now, I’m gonna miss what is actually happening around me. That’s a tough one to fight with. I guess it’s because I like my life now, and knowing that it’ll be changing is not a happy thought. At least the uncertainty of what it will bring is. Who knows, maybe in 3 years I’ll be married and have a wonderful life starting somewhere else besides Dordt. Ok, its unlikely, but possible.
Ever find yourself wondering when God is going to show you the way your life is going to go? As if you feel like you life is kinda paused and nothing is really happening and that at some point something needs to happen to give your life direction? And then you look back on the past several years and realized that its already happening? That life isn’t really on hold, that it is happening and just because it isn’t coming easy doesn’t mean its not happening. I think I’m starting to get there. I always picture my life starting when I get married and I have my own house and a real “normal” job. Then I’ll have everything figured out, I’ll know what the rest of my life will be like. Yeah, fat chance. I won’t know then, and I don’t know now. Although, granted, I will have a better idea what my life will look like when those things happen, but it’ll also lead to more questions.
Ok, I don’t know where I’m going with any of this, so take it for what its worth. I fear that my new job allowing my copious amounts of time to blog isn’t going to be good for my long blog habit. With the time I have, the blogs are gonna get longer and longer. Hopefully with meaningful content, but I guess we’ll see about that. For now I’ll call it quits, hopefully your not banging your head against the wall at this point.
______ of the day: More rants on material possessions to follow?The working Ogukuo

What time is it?

So, I came to the conclusion that its Monday a few hours ago. It took me a while to figure that one out. Cause my timeline has been all screwed up the past week or so without a steady job and with everyone gone. And because I'vd worked 2 overnights now, so my body is still trying to figure that out. Last night my car decided it no longer wanted to have headlights, so it didn't. Thankfully Andrea is wonderful and let me take her car to work. Unthankfully, my boss decided I should see what the morning ruitine is like this morning. So that means that instead of goin home at 6:30 being totally exhausted, I went home at 9 being beyond totally exhausted. All in all, I didn't get to bed til 10 this morning after getting up at 1 yesterday afternoon. So thats what, 21 straight hours? Ick, this job is gonna be tough. I got up at 4ish this afternoon, and now its 11 pm, I have the night off and don't know what to do. If I go to bed anytime before 4 am I'll be totally screwed for tomorrow nights shift, but I dunno what to do for the next 5 hours. I don't wanna watch movies or anything, cause thats what I'll be doin at work, so I dont wanna get sick of them already. And the Bean isn't open yet cause its still technically break. So I'm sitting at home, maybe I'll ride back to campus soon and see if I get lucky and snag someone walkin around campus.
I think I'm coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I want. Either I'm not gonna get it, or I am, or I am going to eventually. I speak broadly here, of course, I mean in respect to all of life. But, for some reason it also seems like its the first senerio, where I don't get it. Of course, thats the selfish me speaking, the me that grew up in North America having everything I need, and pretty much anything I want. Ok, I can throw out a sob story about living in an unfinished basement and having a crappy job and whatever, but I have a job and a place to live and a car (two actually, as of tonight), and wonderful friends, and most everything else thats considered an extreme luxary by the rest of the world. And, of course, I take it all for granted. Every single thing I have I take for granted. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, it does. I've been considering for the past six months or so eventually moving down to Guatemala to work with a mission that I did some work thru in the past. The family I worked for down there had no running water, no water at all actually except for what was caught when it rained. We built them a sistern to store that water. They lived in a concrete block house with no doors, windows or interior walls. It was a 3 generation family living in there. And somehow I still find time to complan about the fact that I live in the basement of a solid house with 3 tvs in it, 3 computers, at least 4 guitars, a piano, indoor plumbing, enough furnerature to seat at least 2 dozen people and a kitchen thats usually stocked with pleanty of food. Has my life gotten that pathetic that I've forgotten "the little things" that a majority of people in the world only dream about?
Ok, dunno where that rant came from, but its true. Well, its true, but its also very false, I'll leave that for the next post tho.
_______ of the day: hurray for material possessions meaning nothing
The too-rich Ogukuo

So long, free Saturday night

So I start my new job tonight, full shift tonight, full shift tomorrow night. I'm scared. Not cause of the job itself, but because I'll be out of synch with everyone else. My life will sorta be turned upside down as it were. My nights will always end at 10 no matter what, cause I'll need to leave for work then. I won't be goin to morning church anymore, 10 am will be like 3 in the morning for me. Hopefully I can adjust to sleeping during the day, if not I'm in alot of trouble.
So I apolgize to anyone who deals with me in the next week or so, I assume this first part will be the hardest for adjusting. I'll probably be crabby and generally irritable, more than normal at least. Hopefully I'll be able to pull thru it and somehow retain some shread of life. If anyone is feeling bored after midnight and wants to spend some time talkin on the phone, I'm your man! By midnight I should be done with any duties I have, and will have the rest of the night to do what I want, including talkin on the phone. Also, any good movies/books that you have that you think I should know about, pass them my way, I'll have the time to do them now.
Ok, I know I still have like 2 hours before I have to head in, but I should go figure out what I should bring along tonight so I can entertain myself and keep myself from getting bored to death on my first night.
______ of the day: I want my Saturday night back!!
The working Ogukuo

Its Thursday!

Thanksgiving is over. Well, ok, technically theres still like 5 hours left in the day, but the celibratin is over for me. I'd say today ranked among the quieter thanksgivings I've experianced in my day. But, thats ok, I had a really good time. Although, I must say dinner with three college profs can tend to be rather intemidating. But, a good time. I must say I do miss family Thanksgivings, mostly cause my family is so different than any other family I've had Thanksgiving dinner with. Actually, my family is quite different in almost every way I can think of. Family dinners are rarely a quite affair, there is usually much laughter, yelling (not in anger), card games, general discussion, and walks to the ol' highschool to see how much has changed. We also have dessert sessions that rival most any bake sales. I'm talking about a kitchen table literally covered with pies, brownies, cake, ice cream, and anything else you care to imagine. And this isn't a plate totting affair, each person is alotted a dinner tray to hold all the goodies. Needless to say, we usually have dessert several hours after dinner.
So please pardon my little trip down memory lane turned family history lesson. I'm not complaning about other dinners I've been to over the years, just noting the differences from what I grew up with. And kinda miss. I'm excited to be goin home in a month for Christmas, especially for Christmas dinner at my grandpas with my extended family.
So, in other news, everyone come back!!
_____ of the day: tryptophene...mmmmmm
The turkey'd Ogukuo

If I had a dog...

So I've been trying my hand lately at lyric writing, and I think yesterday lent itself to some pretty good life experiance as far as a song goes. Unfortunantely, it'd have to be a country song. So come with me on a journey thru my day (fasten your safety belts and place your pillows in a comfortable position, this is gonna be long and boring).
So yesterday was Monday, as most of you may know. Not the happiest of thoughts to begin with. I was planning on goin into work, but I spent a good part of the night coughing and not sleeping. So I called into work saying I wouldn't be in, and basically got laid off. So, quick recap, its Monday, I'm sick, and I just lost my job. Then, midmorning, my Mom calls me and tells me my great aunt died Sunday night. She was such a sweet old lady, one of the nicest ladies I know. Fastforward to the afternoon, I'm gonna run to town for grocieries and other random things. Except I can't because my car decides it no longer is on talking terms with my alternator, which has basically ceased to exist. So, its Monday, I'm sick, I've lost my job, a family member dies, and my car just took a poo on me. Yay!! If I had a dog and a girlfriend, my dog would have dumped me and my girlfriend would have run away. Wait, strike that, reverse it.
Ok, that was the play by play, now for the color. I am (I think) getting over the cold, at least I feel alot better today that I did yesterday morning. Of course, I have enough drugs pumping thru my system right now to make even Robert Downey Jr. look like a lightweight. And the loosing the job thing isn't really that big of a deal, I knew it was coming, and I start a new one next week. Plus, it is kinda nice to have the whole week off. Aunt Helen dying, well its a bummer, but she was like 94 and failing for a while. I certainly can't say I wish her back here, because I'm sure she wouldn't want to be, look what she has to compare it to now! And my car, yeah, that one pretty much is a bummer. I just brought it into the shop and will prolly hear back on it this afternoon. Either way, its gonna cost me money and I really need the car by the end of the week cause otherwise I really can't get to work. And in all fairness, I don't have a dog or girlfriend, so I dunno what would have happened with either of them yesterday. I'm just saying, with the way the day was goin....
But, the day is certainly not without its upsides. I got the new Snow Patrol CD in the mail, that made me happy. Haven't listened to it enough yet to be able to tell you if I like it or not. And I got my new SWR amp head too. That makes me uber happy, its so shinny and potentially loud, hurray! Of course, I don't have the cab for it yet, so I have to wait til tomorrow (assuming UPS's online tracking thingy is right) to have that, and then I have to wait til Friday or Saturday to run to Sioux Falls to get the jacks so I can actually have power goin from one to the other. But, by the end of the week my power output will be more than doubled, and my messing-around-with-sound ability will have also greatly increased. Hurray for 5 band EQs annd aural enhancers! Ok, so thats not that much messing around ability, but more than I have now. And theres an open slot for a rackmountable toy with the new head, so perhaps at some point I'll fill that with a seperate EQ allowing me to tweet my sound to my little hearts content.
And now I'm gonna try to motivate myself to actually get something useful done today, even tho I am still sick and probably shouldn't push myself too hard.
______ of the day: wait a minute, I was supposed to put something here!
The still-sick-but-getting-better Ogukuo

Well, its "official", I am unemployed. At least for this week, anyway. I was planning on working at Greenworld thru Wednesday, but that ain't happening. When I went to bed last night I fully planned on going into work this morning, but my cold-stricken body decided around 1:30 this morning to revolt and send me into a coughing fit as well as a very sore throat, stuffed up nose and general unfunness. And that kinda made the night long and hard to get thru, cause it happened a few more times thruout the night, and when I woke up this morning I really didn't feel like hacking and coughing while freezing all day outside. So I called my boss and said I'd like to have at least the morning off to recover and sleep a bit. And he said the guy I've been working with took all of this week off, and since I'd only have a few more days anyway I may as well just be done. And I said ok and went back to sleep. I still feel kinda icky, actually quite icky, and I was hoping that I had this thing beat, bummer. But now I have 3 days with nothing to do except recover and adjust to turning nocturnal next week. Actually, next weekend it sounds like I'll be working a few nights for some training. So I'll probably start staying up later at night and sleeping in more and more. Its ideal, really. I'm kinda a nightowl, and at least for the next few days I can pretend to be a college student again, a sick one, but a college student nonetheless.
Ok, in an effort to shorten my verbouse (??) entries, I'll just stop here instead of goin on and on about nothing.
_______ of the day: I'm sick, wheres my mommy?? :(
The ill Ogukuo

I'm lazy, so I'm just stealing one of Kara's old topics

So, Kara had a dream about a close friend dying, and I just had a dream last night that I was in the NY Yankees stadium. Yeah, I dream about the stupidest things. For some reason I was flown there for free with a group of people, and took part in some celebration or cerimony or something. Everyone else was out on the field for the whole game, but for some reason I came in around the 6th or 7th inning. And just as I was to make my grand entrance, the game was called on account of frost being on the grass (like, as soon as my foot hit the field, I heard the ump say game over). Yup, even my job infiltrated my dream. In the mornings we need to avoid walking on the grass cause it'll kill it if theres still frost on it, and that translated into the game being cancelled because of it. I dunno why they could play as much of the game as they did, or why the grass in an enclosed semi-heated place had frost on it to begin with. But it did, so the game was called, and the team we were supposed to be pulling for lost ( I dunno if it was the Yankees or whoever they were playing, but they lost). So everyone left, except for that group of us where had whatever special privilage. We gotta stay on the field (walking on the frosty grass!!) and hang out, have a BBQ, roam the stadium, whatever. It was at that point that I realized I didn't know anyone else in the group, except President Bush. yup, he was there for some reason. Just one of the guys hanging out, helping with the BBQ, no big deal. From there, details get fuzzy, I remember hanging out by a table of food, and Bush goin back and forth from a store room bringing out hotdogs and whatever. Really wierd. And then I was back here in this house (kinda, like same floor plan of this house, but kinda different layout and sizes of rooms, it was wierd) and I was cutting up a hunk of meat for supper. I was doin this in the living room and laying the meat out on the carpet, I realized about halfway thru doin this how disgusting that was. So I washed it off, and my parents were in the kitchen and I tried to put the blinds down cause it was bright outside, and they broke and fell off, and then I tried to fix them, and then I think I woke up.
I have stupid dreams that mean nothing, except perhaps its gonna be a sunny day and I have a craving for meat for some reason.
_______ of the day: A bowl of cold cerial will have to do for now :(.
The hungry Ogukuo
p.s. I'm working on making the posts shorter

More reasons why

So I think I've figured out another reason why Tuesday was so poopy. I mean, its a variety of things, but I figured out one reason that I hadn't thought about before that is outside of myself, thank goodness. They guy I've been working with the past few weeks was kinda complaining about another guy at work, one of the bosses who isn't really good at being a boss, or that much of a worker, really. Can't say I really disagree with him, they guy is kinda a flake. But the guy I've been workin with keeps goin on about how he isn't fair, and demands too much out of others when he himself doesn't really do that much work. After a while it got kinda old, I mean, yeah, the guys not the best boss, but enough is enough. And I know I kinda kept the conversation goin too, cause the only other thing this guy really talks about is sports, which is about as interesting to me as a steamy pile of, um, compost. Ok, so I'm interested on sports on the surface of them, as in I kinda like watchin a game once in a while, especially if its playoffs or whatever, but all the guys are work talk about drafts and stats and whos worth what and what team stands a chance this year for whatever reason. *yawn*. No thanks. So, instead of listening to this guy talk about that, and me not knowing a tidbit of what hes talking about and pretending to be interested I'd keep the conversation on something that I at least know something about. I stopped that today, I kept shifting the conversations to music, something I'm interested in. And I had a happier day :).
Plus, its almost the weekend, and thats always happy. I also moved the keyboard from the otherside of hte basement over by my computer, so now I can look up sheet music online (which is very hard to find, btw, anyone know a good site that has a wide selection?) and play. Its fun, I've learned the intro to an Evanescance song, a Goo Goo Dolls song, and Music Box Dancer.
Ok, I'm being distracted by the fact that I dont want to write anymore. Are my posts way too long? I have a feeling I bore people so they just dont read what I write...
______ of the day: I hate barberry bushes
The cube-shaped Ogukuo

Reasons why

So I'm mulling over what I wrote last night. And the reasons why.
I don't wanna slip slowly into a life that will make me look back in 20 years and say "woah! what happened? I used to have so much fun, now my life is boring and I don't know when it happened" And I'm on the leading edge of that happening. Not because I want to, but because its gonna happen no matter what.
Of course, thats life, and its goin by faster and faster it seems, and life isn't fair, and blah blah blah, I've heard it all before. All those stupid cliche phrases are true, and none the less stupid. They are so applicable to life that they are meaningless. I don't want to hear that life isn't fair, or that "you need to start being responsible" and other random cliche "its time to grow up" phrases that sound like things your mother would say. I just want to live life. I know that bills need to be payed, and retirement needs to be saved up for, and all that crap, I just want to have a life once its all said and done. Whats the point of life if you spend all of it worrying about how much it costs, and if theres any way to save a buck or two. Forget that, I'll live my life, have fun, spend what I need to, save for what I want to, and worry more about what my money can do for me than what I have to do to get it.
Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 23? If it is, I think I'm having it. 6 months into the workforce and I'm already ready to call it quits. For those of you still in college (which, by my calculation would be anyone who actually reads this) enjoy it! Yeah, papers and tests suck, but at least you are being mentally stimulated. I've gotta find a job sooner or later that actually offers that. I've gotten dumber the past 6 months because of mindless work. Now anyone who has talked to me at length knows my stance on Gen300, and how its a crap class. But, I know that what it says about calling being more than your job is true (doesn't change the fact that the class sucks). I currently live my life after 5, my life happens outside of work.
Once again, I'm goin no where with this, sorry. At least Tuesday is over, I always hate Tuesdays for some reason, even more so than Mondays, if you can believe that.
Anyone have a good leather couch I could lay down on for a while and talk about my problems? I can't afford a shrink, the best I could do is borrowing someones couch.
_______ of the day: job politics suck
The Tuesday'd Ogukuo

Since I'm on the topic

Sooooo, heres another blog thats all masked and cryptic, but basically comes down to girls and the future, like every other blog.
Once again, like I did about 6 months ago, I'm starting a new job with high hopes and asperations, blah blah blah. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread, its what I want to do, I'm gonna love it. Except not. I mean, basically, I'll have about 2 hours of cleaning, and then 6 hours of break time with intermentant bed checks to make sure everything is cool. Sparing the fine details, thats my job description. So, like the lowlight of my previous (er, still current at this point) job, I will basically be working by myself. Now, granted, I'll be able to read, watch tv, surf the web, make shadow puppets, whatever while working, I still am basically lacking human interaction. Except, of course, unless one of the residents gets up in the middle of the night. But then the only connection I have is being a meany and telling them to go back to bed.
And do I wanna do this job long term? No. I'm still in that boat, too. And its sinking. I honestly have no idea where I will/want to be in 10 years. Shoot, 2 years for that matter. By that time all my Dordt friends will have graduated, and I will probably be even more sick of Sioux Center than I am now. So, then what? I stay? I move back to Ripon? I move somewhere with no base? I'm frustrated because I don't know which direction. And there are so many way to finish that sentance.... which direction God wants me to go, which direction I want to go, which direction I "should" go, which direction would be financially best for me, etc etc. And why do I have to figure it out now? Well, I should start figuring it, I'm graduated from college, I have the piece of paper telling people that I jumped thru the hoops to be able to tack B.A. to my name. This, of course, means I should be able to find a real job, not just hop from one hourly job to another. Of course, its also appealing to live in an unfinished basement with no real commitment or responsibility. But that also means no real base either. No one I know will be there who I can come home from work to every day, and who would move with me wherever I/we happen to move to.
I think what I need is a little less of people giving me wonderful/useless/annoying suggestions for what I should do in the career/girl/living situation category and a little more interaction with God and the following of his lead. Cause right now, I'm not sure where Hes leading me, but I think that means that He has something for me, its just a matter of His timing of showing me what it is.
I know I don't really want to be to this point in my life, but I get the feeling I'm gonna be ready to kinda settle down into something resembling real life here in the next few years, the only thing thats missing is maturity on my part, a career, home, and a girl. It kinda seems like those 4 things go together like folding the 4 flaps of an open box together to make a closed top. All 4 are needed to make it work, and they all kinda need to happen at the same time for it to actually work. I know, you don't think that I need any of the other 3 to make any particular 1 work, and good for you. You get a sarcastic pat on the head cause I dont care. Yup, I'm to that point, I don't even care what anyone has to say about it anymore. Go ahead and tell me "hey, shes out there somewhere" or "congrats on the new job! maybe this is where God is leading you" or "saving up for a house?" I'm living weekend to weekend right now, and sooner or later its gonna run thin and break. I don't even know anymore where I was trying to go with this, except that I dont know where I am goin, or who I'm goin there with, or when any of it is happening, or if it is happening, or how I'm even gonna know when it happens. When I was younger I always pictured myself looking back on my younger life and saying "yup, I was confused about everything then, but now I at least have a few things figured out". I was hoping to have at leave one thing (pick it, anything) figured out by now, and I dont. I'm still just as confused as I was when I was 17.
Ok, its way too late, I've gotta go to bed, otherwise I'd keep writing non-sensical nothings. I'm sorry if you read this whole thing, cause its disjointed and probably boring, and still doesn't really even say anything about what I'm feeling. So if you were looking for insight, sorry, you didn't find it here.
_______ of the day: _______
The still Ogukuo

Follow up, what a silly word, er, words

So, if you haven't read my previous post, I'd recommend reading that first, before this one. Since my all too boring life happens chronologically, logically it should be accounted for in such a manner. Er, something like that.
So I was a bit worried about not having a job, etc etc. Found out today that I will indeed have a job, working nights full time starting after Thanksgiving. At Hope Haven, of course. That is, if I pass my drug test, and I'm worried, cause I've been hitting the poppy seed muffins pretty hard lately.
I also get to have Christmas (and surrounding days) off, so I'll be able to travel to CA to see my fam and long lost friends, yay!
And in other news, well, there is no other news really, my life is boring. I, again, pruned various shrubberies all day. Oh, I did get to play fetch with an overly salivating dog for a while, that was quite fun and distracting from work. I would blame society, but who cares?
And now I go shower and see if we have food somewhere in our brick fortress.
_____ of the day: Yes, we have no bananas
The jobbed (jobed? job-ed?) Ogukuo

Here and there

So its November. Thanksgiving is, what 3 weeks away? Something like that. Right around that time is when I will no longer be employed by Greenworld (assuming I stick around til then). I have an app in at Hope Haven, and am looking forward to hearing from them in the next few days about a job there. Everyone who has worked there or who is currently working there tells me I dont need to worry, I'll get the job. So basically I'm counting on it. Even tho it'll prolly only be like 3 days a week to start with, it'll hopefully be enough to get me by. And with luck I'll be able to work my way up and get some more hours as well.
So, I'm even doing here in this blog, I'm writting with the assumpion that I get the job, cause I know they need someone and everyone says they'll take me. But what if they dont for whatever reason? They found someone else to fill it, they dont like my goatee, whatever, what if I dont get it? THen I think I'm stuck. Cause I don't know of any other jobs currently available that would pay enough to make it worth it, and I only have a few more weeks of work before I'm laid off. So, in other words, by the time I'm eating Thanksgiving dinner (if I even do that) I may be unemployed. Of course, thats worst case senerio, but I dont wanna count on anything yet that may not happen.
And either way, Christmas is gonna be interesting I think. I really wanna be home, cause if I don't go then, I wont see any of my family or friends from there until June. But I may not be able to afford to fly home, or I may not be able to get time off from work, if I have a job. And it'd be a real bummer to not see those people for another 6 months. Plus I really really wanna see mountains!!! I would kill (ok, not really) to be able to spend just one day up in the moutains. And if I were back in Cali, I know one of the things I would be doin is driving up to the mountains, rain snow sleet or shine. Snow is beautiful, but it is 10 times better when its on mountains.
Ok, enough of that, I should go find myself some "sunday dinner". And by that I mean toast with peanut butter.
_______ of the day: oil and water don't mix, neither do the colors blue and green in my wardrobe.
The hungry Ogukuo

When the time comes...

So I'm down. I dunno why, but I am. I think it stems from a dream I had this past weekend. And lemme say this, this past weekend was totally awesome, my parents and brother were visiting, as well as a ton of other fun people. I saw the play, hung out with the fam, friends, etc etc, it was a very good weekend. But Saturday night I had this wierd dream that I found a dead guy. Except I didn't find him, just his bloody shirt and various other disturbing items that were obviously related to a death. And there were various other events in the dream that made me feel trapped and unable to do anything I actually wanted to do. Keep in mind this was only a dream, but when I woke up Sunday morning I was all depressed and down. And it was because of that stupid dream!! Cause besides that, the weekend was awesome. Why is that? Why did something outside the realm of physical reality make take me so far down when I was having such a grand time in real reality?
And now its kinda the same thing tonight, except without the dream there as a stimulus. I mean, I had a meh day at work (but thats ordinary) and a fairly good evening, social, fun, nothing extraordinary tho. So why do I feel down? Ack, I hate this feeling. And the stupid thing is, it'll be gone tomorrow probably. I mean, thats a good thing, but it doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it, so it seems.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed and think happy thoughts. Maybe that'll help.
________ of the day: Once in a great while everything seems to go right, and it still seems wrong.
The down-filled Ogukuo

Half of the time we're goin, but we don't know where

So, what to say. I wish I were eloquent with words (or could at least spell them correctly, and don't correct me, I don't care). I love music. I love listening to it, learning about it and the people who make it and would love nothing more than to be able to express myself thru it. And I do somewhat with OJK, but I also wish I were able to play guitar and piano well, and most of all I wish I could write. I listen to people like S&G or Dylan or Cash and I hear how increadably simple their lyrics are, but yet still how deep. Right now I'm listening to a studio cut of S&G's 'A Poem on the Underground Wall' and I'm blown away. I mean, its a song about a kid grafitti-ing, but yet its written in such a beautiful way. And music is so powerful, too. My computer just randomly shuffled to the song ' 7 O'clock News/Silent Night'. It is the best example I can think of for a dicodamy, or whatever. I mean, the whole song is S&G singing a beautiful peaceful rendetion of Silent Night over a reading of the evening news. The news is filled with reports of celebrity drug overdoses, war, racism, politicalism, and other horrible things that seemingly (sadly) define our world in present times. The song is such a beautiful (truthful) picture of what we have blasted at us everyday, and the simple (but not really) knowledge we have of our salvation thru Christ. It seems that the evening news overtakes that fact, but in reality, like in the song, it is always there, always a part. I dunno, not only can I not write meaningful songs, I can barely write about ones that have been written.
I'm now listening to A Hundred Highways. Its Johnny Cash's last record (?). It sure sounds like the final bookend to a musical career spanning, what, 50 years?. It's probably one of the saddest album I've ever heard, but its such a painful saddness, theres also that feeling of extreme peace in it. The feeling I get when I listen to this album is that same feeling you have at a funeral for someone you have loved very much. That feeling of being wrenched to the point of not even being able to function, you can't even believe theres a tomorrow, but somehow, by no earthly power, that feeling also brings a wonderfully deep peace. Its the same peace that is found in Silent Night. That awe-inspiring, all-incompassing, way beyond anything I'll ever be able to understand fully on this earth peace from God. "And I came to believe in a power much higher than I/I came to believe that I needed help to get by."
I guess thats what I love about music, its ability to create such deep human connection between those who are sharing it. I wish I had the gift to be able to create that connection.
I hope you take something out of this post, I mean, its not eloquent writing, and probably not clear most of the time, but I mean it all.
_______ of the day: Heroes often fail
The Sunday'd Ogukuo

The Time Has Come

Well, no more waiting to know....... :(

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

Thanks to Ben Folds for the catchy title, except I'm not Reinhold Messner, since I'm writting this myself its an autobiography, and is there any possible way that an autobiography can be unauthorized?
So heres what I'm facin': three felonies, six years of probation. Oh wait, I'm not Eminem either.
Ever heard him actually sing? Not rap, but sing, hes got a pretty good voice. In my opinion. Of course, those who are self-rightious and hate Eminem because people like his music would disagree based on the fact that he sucks because they don't like them, and they don't like him because he sucks. And somewheres in that perpetual motion machine is the factor that his music is popular, thus cannot be good. I love circular logic!! How about you?
So heres what I'm really facing: Out of 12 people or so who applied, me and one other person were granted the chance for an interview. These both happened this past week. Mine went well, I can't speak for the other person. I was hoping for a decision by yesterday, but I guess both of us are very close in qualifications, so now they are gonna be calling our references, and I won't hear until next week. I just found out who my compitition is, too. I consider her to be quite qualified, and would be a good person for the job. Which, of course, has me more worried than not knowin who I was runnin against.
So I spent the first part of this week prepairing for the interview, everything from reading material, mental prep, gettin clothes ready, lots of worrying and praying, etc. And then there was the interview itself. It went well, I think. But, it was a 4 1/2 hour marithon, very tiring. But, I feel confident that I did well. It pretty much shot Wednesday, I was tired that night. And the past few days have been spent wondering how the other person did, and waiting to find out a decision yesterday. Which didn't come down yesterday, cause they need more time to decide. I guess thats better than a 'no compitition, its not Philip' decision, or the other way around, but now I have like 4 more days of waiting, which is quite difficult. Considering how important the decision will be on affecting my life. But, I'm also finding a certain amount of peace about the whole ordeal. I mean, I know whats gonna happen to a certain extent. Either I get the job, or I dont, that simple. If I get it, I'm excited, and I look forward to a job that I think I'll enjoy quite a bit. If I don't get it, I continue looking for something else. Probably not something as important as this job, but something more along the lines of getting me a paycheck to get by. I should say something to get me by til the band thing kicks in. (heres your cue to roll your eyes, oh ye unbelievers) And I bid the adieu to go find some food or something.
________ of the day: I finally saw Fight Club
The Waiting Ogukuo

I Hate Mondays

I quote Puss in Boots from Shrek 2. I once again feel crappy (but, then again, when don't I when I'm posting, right?). Today wasn't even that bad for the most part, but I'm still in a down mood. Its amazing how one stupid little thing will ruin an entire day like that. I had the day off cause it was raining this morning, so I didn't go in, then I got distracted with other stuff I needed to do, so I just never went in once it stopped raining. Which is probably for the better, cause we did have a pretty soaking rain, so I probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I can't wait for my parents to be out here. I feel like I've been hanging in mid-air for the past 5 months with no real foundation to my life. Hopefully spending time with the family again will re-establish some sense of grounding. As much as I like the free-wheelin' spirit of bein single and living with a bunch of guys with no real connections to anything, I really would like to have some sort of tie down. Thats what I miss most about living at home, I really don't have any sort of structure to my life outside of a work sch. Theres really no one I can count on to always be there like I could with my family. I know I've gotta work on my personal relationship with God, that'll probably help alot. And, I know its cliche, and everyone says it, but I'd really like to find a girl. I mean, com'n, I'm 23, I've been tryin to play the game for what, 8 years or whatever now? I feel like I'll never get off the bench, much less that I'll get a chance to ever get out on the playing field. Part of me wants to be a more agressive player, but then the rest of me says, duh, you'll never do that. Which is so fricken frustrating, cause its getting me nowhere, which is really not where I want to be. I'm ready to give up on the game, but I know thats not possible, and even if it were, I'd never be able to do it anyway.
So, off I go to bed all lost and frustrated to wake up tomorrow and go to work and sit and be frustrated there for 9 hours. Yippee.
_______: Maybe I should give up all reservations and really go get the shit kicked out of me by love instead of just quoting it from the movie all the time.
The Tired Ogukuo

Apathy Takeover

Ever have that feeling where you really want something to happen, and it doesn't? Cause I don't have that feeling right now, nor the feeling of something I really want happening either. In fact, I feel rather emotionless right now. I'm pretty sure that work is dulling my senses down to a bland nothingness. Today was the first time in weeks that I wasn't working by myself out in the middle of a field of trees. But, the company I heald today was somewhat less than desireable. I was workin with a guy named Dick whos in his late 40s (?) and a rather odd character. Not much for socializing, and always yelling about something or another not being right or I need to do such and such. So I basically stopped listening to what he said and just tried to do my job. Which, of course, was even more depressing cause all I was doin was pounding steaks into the ground and stringing wire from them to trees to pull the trees straight, all in all very boring. I think the only things I'm holding onto at this point is a show Saturday night for the short term, and then end of the work season for long term. I think I can make it thru one more work day knowing that then I have two days off and the chance to play a show, which I think I need to relax and have some fun. Oh, and speaking of Saturday, anyone wanna go to SooFoo? I wanna go semi-early, as in I wanna be back at like 4 at the latest so I have time to get some stuff done before having to head to OC for the show. Lemme know if you wanna go, I don't wanna go by myself cause I don't think I'd find half the stuff I need to.
So, yes, bit of a tangent there, but long term I'm holding onto the fact that my job will be over in at most a few months. I think I would go insane if I knew that I would be doin the same thing for the long-term forseeable future. I really hope the Admin job comes thru, that would be so awesome. I can leave a job I dont like and actually do something that would be fun and enjoyable. If that doesn't happen, I think I'm just gonna apply to be on the overnight shift for one of the local houses and do that for a while. At least there I can watch a movie or read a book while doin nothing there.
I need something, I dunno what. I just feel like I'm coasting thru right now, with no real excitment or anything. My days are down to a fine formula of long boring work days and rather dull evenings that only may be highlighted by perhaps a good conversation in the Bean (hard tho, since I have to be back home for bed before anyone is even in the talking/done with homework mood). Maybe a gf? Meh, no, bad idea. Whats worse than wanting a gf for nothing else except to kill boredom. I mean, a gf would be nice, but not for that reason. But, thats a moot issue at this point anyway, so no point in debating it. Maybe I should take up knitting or plate-spinning.
Meh, I give up, I'm gonna go take a shower and figure out what kinda cerial I want for dinner.
______ of the day: "Woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown" -Breakdown, Mae
The Apathetic Ogukuo

I feel like an emo kid

Except without the black hair, tight pants, and wierd writting/musical talent thing. (btw, if you haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, see it, good portrayal of a real Emo kid) But I do feel all down and that 'life hates me' blah blah blah. I think the reason may be because I'm not really doin anything useful right now. Right now, like right now in life, and right now, like 11 am Friday morning. I only worked 3 days this week, I couldn't really work yesterday cause it was raining all day, and I'm not working now cause everything is soaked, and it'll probably be raining off and on thru most of today as well. But, I guess I could go in? Maybe? I dunno, its not raining at this moment, but probably will be, and what would I be doin there, anyway? Tromping around in the mud feeling miserable and not really getting anything accomplished anyway. The whole 3 days I did work this week I spent out in the field "pruning" trees. Except these are trees that I've worked most of the summer on, pruning, shaping, steaking, etc etc etc. So, in otherwords, I'm really only doin stuff that I've done before. I go in to work in the morning, and if none of the crews need me, they just send me out to the field to 'work on the trees.' But that really means nothing, cause its all be done already, so I'm really just out there wasting time til 5 when I can go home. I mean, yeah, I'm doin some minor pruning, and straightening of trees, but nothing thats worthy of me being out there 9 hours a day. I'm pretty sure they don't mind too much when I take off the "maybe" days like today, cause it means they don't have to pay me for doin not much of anything anyway. I hate being the one who isn't really needed, and thats what I feel like at my current job.
So, on a day like today, I'm not working, and instead doin nothing at home. Everyone else is either at work or class, and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I'll do the dishes and such, but that only takes so long. I wanna go to the dark room, but I'm runnin out of stuff to work on there, and its kinda hard to be motivated to do art when theres no venue to show it. I gotta talk to Van Geest and see when the Center Mall art sale is, and if I can get in on it. Not cause I'm lookin to sell dozens of pieces and become rich, but because it'll give me something to aim for and a way to get my stuff out there for people to see. I think I'm also cranky cause OJK hasn't played together in almost 2 weeks. Of course, those of you who don't know what I'm talkin about shrug and say 'who cares', but for me (and I assume the other guys) its a big release, and it really helps me feel better, just to know I'm part of something creative, fun, and that people enjoy. I also am trying to motivate myself to work on other musical stuff too. Like, playing more piano, expanding what I can do on piano (like learn chords, not just playing classical, I'd love to be able to play along with more modern music), and alot more acoustic guitar. The guitar thing is kinda depressing tho, cause I've been tryin, and for the life of me cannot play and sing at the same time. Which is really frustrating. So then I just wanna forget about it, put the guitar down and do something even less productive, such as blog. So, to combat that, I'm gonna be playin with Katie (who is awesome) and we are both gonna be frustrated together trying to play guitar. But, since we're both there, neither of us can just put down the guitar and sulk. Who knows, maybe we'll be the next Gilbert and Sullivan, or Paul and John. I'm conviced that certain very musically talented people (such as McCartney and Lennon, or Simon and Garfunkel) would have never had done anything if they hadn't have played together. In fact, the only reason Paul Simon was into music was because his childhood friend, Arthur Garfunkel won some singing contest in elementary school, and this motivated Simon. Even tho Simon is an awesome songwriter and singer, if it hadn't have been for Garfunkel (the second fiddle as most people consider him), he probably wouldn't have ever gotten anywhere. Although I consider myself to be nowheres near as talented as any of the aforementioned people, I feel that I'm simular to them in the sense that I don't think I could do the music thing on my own, I need to be playing with a band or another person to really feel musical. For me, I need to build off of someone, and have them build off of me.
And now I've gone from writting about being depressed about whatever it is I'm depressed about to stating a major thesis for musical talent, I dunno how that happened. But, anyway, I think I'm gonna head over to campus and peruse the darkroom for a while (hopefully find something to work on) and see if I can't find Van Geest and see about this art sale dealio. As much as I like days off and weekends, I'm hoping I can be more productive with them.
_____ of the day: Wednesday afternoon was one of the most beautiful days I've ever seen.
The I-wish-it-were-some-point-in-the-future Ogukuo

So much for Autumn!!

I have this odd feeling I'm falling off my blogging habit.
So, what a weekend. Friday night was planned to be comedy league and then a party at the farmhouse, and ended up being neither of those. Instead, the girls of WH108 came over here, we went shopping for Sunday dinner food, and then they made brownies and smoothies at my place. Twas a good time. A few of us watched Hero, myself not included. I was there in body, but fell unconscious at some point. Stupid lack of sleep the night before. And I'm bummed, cause it looked like a really good movie, so now I'm just gonna have to watch it again to actually see what happens.
Saturday saw some garage sailing in the morning, the picking up of a hymnal, horse shoe set and a new washer and dryer. We now have double laundry machines in our basement. Yippee. But, a functioning dryer again, so no more bringing loads of wet clothes over to Southview. The rest of the day was spend doing random household chores and general lounging. Then the funness started around 8 or so when a wave of people hit the house in celebration of Kara's 21st. A fun time was had by all, and somehow I ended up awake until 3:30 or so. Amazingly, I made it up at like 8:30 and to church Sunday morning. And, as one would expect, back in bed right after church for a nice 2 hour nap. And then a screening of Love Actually (that in itself will be a post sooner or later, cause I love that movie more and more each time I see it), and then the girls of WH108 came over again with a superb slow cooked roast for Sunday dinner/supper. And, some wonderful chips and dip. SOunds like thats gonna be a weekly event, which is very cool/awesome/spiffy/groovy/cats meow. Perhaps BBQ next week, yay! And then GIFT last night, which went well, the team is quite different now than last year, not sure yet what I think of it. But I liked the song selection, which is crucial, for me at least.
So, theres the review, and now a short preview: Winters here!!! Saturday was almost 90 degrees, and today we were stuck in the low 50s, it was horrid. I mean, I don't want 90s, but I could barely operate at work with the temps so low, the wind, and the mist. It was like a California winter (worse than you think, for you ignorant ones who have never experianced such a thing). And it'll be like that all week it looks like. Perhaps rain on Thursday and Friday, which means I'd be getting out of work either early, or all day both days. Good cause it gives me time to do other stuff (ie darkroom), but bad cause I ain't makin money. Next weekend will be pretty cool. No particular reason that I know of yet, cept for the fact that its gonna be a weekend.
ANd now its shower time.
_______ of the day: Why can't Iowa have all 4 seasons like everyone else??
The cold Ogukuo

The Saturday Morning Post

The sun came up with no conclusions
Flowers sleeping in their beds
The city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide awake, it's morning
Thank You to Bright Eyes for that little lyrical selection. And yes, it is true, I am wide awake, and it is morning. Although, I have no idea why I'm awake at 8 am, because I didn't go to bed until 3. I wanted to go to bed at like 1, but duty called, and I kinda had to make sure my house stayed standing thru the hurricane of alcahol that hit it. Last night was like a category 2. Not too bad, but bad enough to warrent a little worry. Plus, my new guitar was pulled out and played last night around 2:30 (quite well, I might add, by capable guitar players, but by ones I didn't really know). I was a bit worried about that, given the strength of the aforementioned hurricane, but went to bed anyway, cause 3 was late enough for me. Got up this morning, and couldn't find my guitar anywhere and started freaking out. Was rude enough to wake up Reid, and found out that he had hidden it behind the couch to protect it. Sorry Ross and Pasma, but Reid just shot up to number 1 roommate, way way up, like, no compitition, and one of you two is gonna have to save some old lady and all her cats from a burning building to pass him up.
Ok, enough on that, Peasants played last night in the Bean, it was quality. After hearing them practice a few times, it was good to actually hear vocals with it, and it was awesome, I liked it much. And tonight is our turn, we get to play up the music scene with And Yet (HnR formerly), the Benidict Affair (I like to refer to them as BA, because I'm not quite sure how to spell Benidict, and BA is just easier). So, make sure you get there at or before 8:30, cause BA is opening up, and I'm pretty sure they haven't played at Dordt before, so they'll be new to alot of people, and, oh yeah, they totally rock. I've only seen them once, sadly, but it was totally awesome. After them And Yet (I think it should be And Yet..., with the 3 periods, whatever thats called, elipsis? is that it?, just looks cooler) takes the stage and does their rocking, which is also rockin. I hope they've worked up some new stuff, I'd like to hear it. And then, we do our little thang. Ok, enough hood talk (shudder). We've about doubled our set list from what we had at the end of last school year, so we're gonna be doin like 4 or 5 new songs that no one has heard unless they happened to catch one of our 2 summer shows. And I think 1 or 2 of those new songs are even newer than those shows, and making their concert debut tonight. Hehehehe, I get all giddy just thinking about finally playing a show again, especially with new, totally kick-ass rocking material. Everyone tonight will be sockless, because they are gonna be rocked totally off. I suddenly have a craving for a carmel fudge brownie for some reason.
And since our only way of advertising this thing is by blogs, facebook, and random posters all over campus, I ask please, if you happen to read this today before the show, pass the word around! Tell people about the show. Whats better than a Saturday night show (FREE at that!!) with 3 rocking bands? Lets get a big crowd, cause I know we on stage are gonna be totally pumped and in the rockin mood, I sure hope the crowd is too!!
Ok, enough plug, time to find some food, maybe that brownie, and get started on stuff to pass the time until tonight.
______ of the day: hurrayyyyyyy Rock!!
The up-too-bloody-early Ogukuo

It's about time

Its about time for another post. And, yes, it most certainly is all about time, because thats what I've been short on lately. Between work and life crap (as in paper work, paying bills, all the boring stuff) and seeing everyone coming back, I haven't had time to squeeze in a blog sideways. Until now, Its that awkward time between the end of the week and the beginning of the weekend, kinda like the twilight zone, but not at all, really.
So, lesse, um, yeah, people are back, but you know that, cause you are either one of them, or you are one of the ones who was always here who has also witnessed the return of the masses. Of course, I miss people who didn't return, and theres a whole ton of new faces which I don't recognize. I was getting a good impression of this years freshman class until the talent show last night. It was somewhat lackluster. There was an absolutely hilarious video of a girl hiding in a box and scaring the crap out of other girls, which in my opinion takes the cake for best act of the night. There was also an awesome clarinetist who played Amazing Grace quite well, but besides that, the stuff was rather mediocre. Hopefully theres lots of hidden talent in the freshman class, cause there wasn't much on the surface. And things went less than stellar on the techie end last night, but it was the first big production of the year, I have all faith in this years techies that they will pick it up quickly.
Work is about the same, boring as always. At least the past few days brought the slightest bit of variety, thank goodness. And now its a 3-day weekend!! I have no idea how I plan to spend my 72 hours of freedom, but I know I will enjoy them no matter what.
So, heres the real news, I'm gettin all my ducks in a row to throw my hat in the ring for the position of admission councelor at Dordt. I've seen the opening in the paper for most of the summer, and never gave it a thought til someone mentioned to me last Saturday that I should try for it, and I've heard from many others in the past week that they think I would be good at the job. So hopefully sometime early next week I'll have everything together to do that. I know, I'd be working for the institution, or 'the man', but I honestly feel that Dordt as a school is a good place, despite all the underlying problems. I'd be travelling alot, which sounds cool now, but may become a drag because of all the stupid laws that the gov't seems to think will somehow keep us safe. Thank goodness I can rest easy knowing the guy next to me doesn't have fingernail clippers or a water bottle, I feel much safer.
Ok, so enough on that little rant, we, being OJK, had our first full band rehersal in over 2 months earlier this week, and it was truly splendiferous. Totally awesome to have Andrew back so that we are back to our full rocking potential. And good sounds happened, as in totally awesome music. Which we hope to put out for public display sometime next week, not sure on the exact day yet, as far as I know. Whenever it happens, I can't wait, I know I'll be there, hopefully you will be too.
So, anyway, in order to help curb my habit of excessively long posts, I'll just stop here and perhaps write more later when stuff actually happens thats blogworthy.
The 3-day-weekend Ogukuo

For the times, they are a changin'

Yesterday brought about some pretty major changes around these parts. Dane and Amanda are officially gone, one to quite possibly never been seen again, and the other not to be seen for a long time. At least from my perspective. I kinda doubt I'll see Amanda again (rarely, if ever), and Dane won't be back to these parts til next summer at the earliest it sounds like. And, I'm sad about the whole thing, to be honest. I mean, I'm happy for them, cause they are both onto awesomeness across the ocean, but I'm sad for the people still here. I know I'm gonna miss them. It's been a fun summer, and won't be quite the same without them. I know I'm not exactly part of the group, but they still made my life fun while I was here.
So, enough sappyness already. Had rehersal again last night with 3/4 of OJK. Got some good news too, Tom of the Benidict Affair is gonna be helping us out with promotion, etc. I guess he really likes us, so more or less started a independent label so he could promote OJK. Which is awesome. Looks like we're aiming to get started with a few shows right away when everyone is back, so look forward to more announcments about that.
And I got this afternoon off cause it started raining like mad. It was awesomeness.
________ of the day: um, over used, but I'll go with w00t!!1
The weekend Ogukuo

Public personal reflection?

Ok, so this is more of my just writing to get stuff out than a public thing, so if you don't wanna read it, thats encouraged. But now you all do, cause you think it'll be juicy. Well, its not, just me being me.
So recently (as in the last 2 years) I've been wondering where my life is heading. Ok, so I've been wondering my whole life, but most recently has been a bit more serious wondering. Of course, being young, single, and a recent college grad, I would say my options are somewhat open. I could stay here in town, move back to Ripon, or any other place where I think I'd be able to make steady work. Of course, without proper incentive, why move?
Enough buildup, to the meat. I've been thinking alot lately about a town called Antigua, Guatemala. I spent 2 weeks during 2 seperate summers there doing misson work. I know they employ a summer staff there to lead teams, and various other stuff. And alot of things around here have reminded me of that fact, and I dunno what that means. Most recently it was a group talking in church last night about their misson trip down to the Gulf Coast. Perhaps I should move down there (Antigua, not the Gulf Coast) and do work for the mission? I mean, I'd love to, except for a few problems. I dont speak spanish that well, I'm not a misson major, or anything close to it, I have no special skills lending themselves to misson work, and a little thing called college debt. And I know, Moses had a list of reasons for God why he shouldn't lead his people, and they don't really matter. But my question is, would I really be any help? And what on earth do I do about a mounting debt when I'm making practically no money? I know, money doesn't matter, but sooner or later Iowa Student Loan is gonna want theres back!!
So, theres much more in my head about it, I'm thinking of calling the guy who lead our group just to see what he says. I dunno, who knows if God is calling me to that or not. I would love it if He was, but I'd be very curious to see how it works out to be that way.
Anywho, time for bed, work comes early tomorrow.
_______ of the day: If my life were over today, what would you say? what would you say?
The 'me being me' Ogukuo

Rainy Days and Thursdays are fine by me

I gotta few comments on my last post encouraging me to post again, so I am. Actually, I'm making myself late for work to post! Ok, not really. I have the day off cause it rained last night so everything at work is quite muddy! Yay! Ok, yay for now, but suck next week when the paycheck comes back somewhat short of hours.
So when I sat down at my computer, I typed in "rainy day" into iTunes in honor of today, and 3 songs came up, Gordon Lightfoot's 'Rainy Day People', The Carpenters 'Rainy Days and Mondays' and Bob Dylan's 'Rainy Day Women #12 and 35. So that was fun, today didn't get me down, cause now I have time to get stuff done and even go to the darkroom!
Ok, so heres a quick catch-up on my life. Um, if amount of campfires attended is a measure of one's quality of life (which it should be) my life is awesome. I've been at 2 in like 5 days!! Very high awesome factor. Oh, and I've realized that Mondays hold a simular design to roller coasters. They go up and down, and make you wanna throw up. Monday morning I met with my landlord to go over some stuff, and found out that he only wants three of us living here from now on. So, not cool, cause that means one of the guys who planned on living here can't, and we each gotta pay like $50 more a month for rent (we're workin on presenting an appeal to that decision). But, he is sending an appraiser over today to look at the house to see what its worth if I wanna buy it, so thats good (and nerve racking). And and soon as I got back to work from that meeting I ran into my boss (thats for you, Dane, hahahaha) and told him I'd like to talk about my future at Greenworld. Ok, so not that dramatic, but I did ask him what I should be expecting from the job in the next year or so, cause he hasn't told me anything about that. I was hoping to move to design late this year, stay on parttime over the winter and be a fulltime designer next season. Well, I guess Larry wasn't thinking along those same lines. Cause he said that I'd be doin the same thing I am now (workin on the yard) for the rest of the season, and probably next summer with the possibility of some small design work on the side if they needed it. Needless to say, I was a bit more than unhappy about said news, cause it means I still really have no direction that I'm heading in the short term, not to mention no steady reliable fun job. So I spent most of the day in a bit of a funk cause of the rent thing, and the job thing, and just the fact that it was Monday. But, then I got home, and found out my roomies were goin golfing, so I tagged along and had a ton of fun. And then people came over later that night, and it turned into a mini-party and Taz came and brought some very very good Scotch for sampling. Scotch is my new favorite drink, its increadible! Of course, its also very expensive for a bottle, so it'll be a while til I actually invest in my own. But, yeah, smoky taste, very full-bodied (if that makes sense), strong, but yet smooth. A sipping drink by all means, not something to shoot straight down. Hurray for discovering awesomeness!
So thats an extremely small sampling of what I've been goin thru the last few days. I should get goin to run some errands I desperately need to get done. Thank goodness I have the day off!! I really need the time for stuff!
________ of the day: "Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothin seems to fit" -Rainy Days and Mondays
The rained-out Ogukuo

I hate assumptions!

I hate making assumptions about my life that seem plausable at the time, but in reality have very little chance of panning out. I realized that I do that way too much. Even as a kid, I figured by the time I was the age I am now I'd have my own house, be married, and traveling the world. In reality, I live in the unfinished basement of a small house, "traveling" means goin to Sioux Falls for an evening, and yeah, the married thing, not so much. Ok, so I'm not complaining about my life currently, cause I like it, its just not how I envisioned it being at this point when I was younger. And now I have different assumptions in my head for the future, and who really knows if any of them will actually happen or not. These range from assumptions about relationships with girls to what I'll be doin at my job to whether or not OJK will take off (yeah, some are a bit more far fetched than others). But I make these assumptions, then start to plan my life (long term or short term) around them. And, a majority of the time (esp with the assumptions about girls) they don't pan out, and I'm left revamping my plans. I mean, not like I make any major changes in my life over any assumptions, just what goes thru my head as far as what I plan on doin.
But, what can I do? I mean, its not like I just can't plan anything, and besides I spend most of my day doing mindless work, so my brain has to do something to occupy itself. Thus, it turns to various assumptions and runs with them. And somehow it turns from bland daydreaming just to keep my brain moving to elaborate plans usually focused on one small detail that just happens to be an assumption I've made about one aspect or another about my life. As of late, thats been redesigning and re-redesigning my house in my head. And I mean details!! And major changes, the house won't look the same on the inside at all. But, of course, that whole thing is based on the assumption that I will be able to buy this house, and live here long enough to actually make those changes.
So I resolve to try to stop making so many assumptions about life, but I know it won't happen.
And now, I assume I'll finish this post and go upstairs for some food.
________ of the day: They'll stone ya when you're playing your guitar
The assuming Ogukuo

Yet ANOTHER Saturday morning

So it seems Saturday morning posts are my thing now. You know those stories that start "It was just a regular day, nothing out of the ordinary, and then.........." well.........
It was just a regular day, nothing out the ordinary, and then, I started blogging!! Ha, yeah, thats my way of saying nothing is happening. Oh, but stuff has happened in the past week.
Last Saturday I ended up out at Oak Grove camping with several people. It was a blast. I got dirty, sweaty, dehydrated, and slightly feverish, and I loved every moment of it. I love camping so much. I kid you not when I say that when I design my yard eventually (yeah, I plan on doin my own), I will most assuredly be putting in several Ponderosa pine trees, same as what grow in the Sierra Nevada mountains in California. And an outside eating area, porch or something (more likely brick pavers), and a fire pit. And, of course, enough ground area for tents, etc. Yes, my backyard will be like a campground, I love it that much.
Speaking of designing my own yard.......I brought in some design work to Greenworld this past week as well. Its sounding good for me to move to design! w00t! I think they really liked what I had, and I know that I have some good ideas to help the design side of their business. I can't wait to start on that. We have a meeting with a computer rep in the next week sometime to discuss buying computers to use for design. The only downside to all of this is that this will make it harder to leave Greenworld to start touring with OJK. And thats something I thought about when I initially approached the uppers about this move. I mean, I have no qualms quitting if all I'm doin is fieldwork, they can find someone else to do that on some street corner. But my position as a designer (esp probably being the one with the most computer knowledge and freshest ideas) is goin to be a lot harder to leave for any sort of extended tour. I'm seriously torn. I mean, on one hand, I have a good job with fairly good job security, where I can do the design work that I like, but on the other hand I have the oppertunity of a lifetime. I find it hard to quit my 9 to 5 to pursue that dream, but at the same time, how can I pass it up? Ack, its so uncertain at this point!! Hopefully I'll have a better idea where both of those are heading in 4-6 months. At that point I'll probably be out of work at Greenworld (off season, not fired), and we'll have cut our first full length album and looking for the label that wants to sign us. So I guess it kinda comes down to how quickly we get signed, and what kinda tour they put us on. I dunno, thats an area I'll be praying alot about. Cause, yeah, when it comes down to it, I know which one I want more, but its also the one thats alot more uncertain and difficult to pull off successfully.
Ok, thats all I can handle for now, I'd best get back to washing this weeks laundry, and putting away last weeks laundry :S.
______ of the day: Even tho I hate pickles, I always seem to find myself in them.
The pickled (no, not that way) Ogukuo

Just another Saturday morning, and I ain't got nobody...

So, yet another Saturday morning where I should be doin laundry, cleaning up my room, etc etc etc. And I'm not. And I wont, not at least for another few hours. And by the time I do finally get started on all that, something will happen, and I'll leave all the stuff I should have done already to go out and have fun. That kinda seems to be the m.o. for my Saturdays. I mean, I like the funness and all, but yeah, I really should be gettin stuff done too. Perhaps once I'm done with this post, I'll get started........
Went to Blue Mountain last night with a few people, including Taz. It was a blast, very much enjoyed it. I really like that place, its the first time I've been there. A bit spendy, but, makes sense, it is a nice place.
So I think I'll be presenting a bit of design work to my boss at some point next week, thus basically coming to the point in my job where I either find out I'll be moved to design work (either right away, or eventually), or I find out they don't have the space/need/want for another designer. So, in other words, kind of a scary ordeal. I mean, the outcome could very well effect where I'll be working the rest of the year, this winter, and for the near extended future. If they like my work, and move me to design, I'll probably be staying on at Greenworld for a while. If they decide against that, I dunno what will happen. I mean, my job as it stands right now doesn't use my college experiance, skills, and gifts at all. I feel like I've wasted my time at school, and my talents are not being excersized like they should be. So I may have to look for another job that will use those skills if Greenworld decides they don't need them. I know, I've only been out of school for like 2 months, and it takes a while to find the right job, and thats fine with me. The problem I am worried about is possibly getting a semi-mediocre job somewhere (GW or another place) that carries some responsiblility but doesn't really keep with the general idea of design that I want to stick with. Cause then I'd have a tough time leaving the job, but yet probably wouldn't be happy, cause I wouldn't really be doin what I want to be doin. I'm afraid if I stay on at GW but don't move to design, I'll be carrying more responsibility around the yard next year, and eventually I'd have a job where they would need me around, but I wouldn't be getting a good return on my investment in school, meaning I still wouldn't be using my gifts/skills. So, yeah, thats gonna be weighing on my mind this weekend.
Ok, I smell breakfast wafting down the stairs, I should go see whats cookin.
______ of the day: Mares eat oats and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy.
The Saturday-morning-unshaven Ogukuo

I'm really in a sticky wicket

I like that saying, think its prolly related to cricket (the game, not the horse). But I really am sticky, lots of tree sap on my arms from work. Even a brutal assalt of shampoo (I couldn't find real poo, hahahahaha), body wash, and a bar of soap didn't get it all off. But, oh well, I guess its goes nicely with all the little red dots on my arms. Working with spruce trees is torture. Especially when its hot outside, and you have no one to talk to, and no radio. Oh, and did I mention 9 straight hours of it? Ick. Theres a lesson in this: go to college!!! Oh wait, that doesn't work. I mean, go to college, and actually use your degree!! I will be using most of my free time this week to finish up a theoritical design project I'm working on to convice my boss to move me to design and save me from the torture of steaking spruce trees all day every day. If that doesn't work, maybe I'll move to the Rockies up in B.C. and sell racoon pelts to make a living.
So, on a completly different note: Spanglish. Just watched that again this past weekend. I like the movie, I think it has alot to say if you actually pay attention to it for more than entertainment value. True, as stated on someone else's blog, the ending leaves you kinda wondering what happens with the family, which I wish was wrapped up. But, the general idea is given, and I think its a respectable ending. Because it takes a different approach than Hollywood normally would. Normally, the guy would run off with the hot young house maid and leave his bitchy wife with the kids. How more Hollywood can you get? Fast action, cheating, hot women, its the perfect formula. But this one took the respectable approach, the guy sticks with his wife, even tho she's obviously flawed, and the Flor thinks of her daughter over herself. I really wish I could see how the family gets thru the wife cheating, and the husband being strongly tempted to leave her, but taking her back. Probably not sequel-worthy, tho. Theres another semi-underplayed theme goin on in the movie, too: The pressures of success and how people deal with it. John Clasky is extremely nervous about his revue, so much so that he doesn't even want a perfect score, it would require too much of him, he's afraid of success. Deborah Clasky is trying to be successful in the way of being a perfect woman: fit, beautiful, has it all. She can't handle her own life or herself, and feels the need to constantly excersize to try to keep in shape, have an affair because shes not sure of her real family, and force her daughter to be something she isn't. Eveyln Wright (the mother-in-law) is an alcaholic who seemingly had a very successful past, and either can't handle the past fame, or the fact that she is no longer a popular singer. Flor is driven to a different country to find a successful life for her daughter. Not a bad thing at all, but still driven by success. Christina is dazzeled by the Clasky's wealth, and wants to be like them. It seems the only one in the movie who has a real grasp on happiness is Bernice. Ironically shes the not-so-pretty, kinda overweight daughter of the Clasky's, the one you'd think would be the least happy of everyone. Her mom is trying to change her, she knows Christina is prettier than her, and yet, she seems happy with herself and who she is. I think Hollywood accidentally stumbled onto the truth, success isn't everything, and can very well ruin a person even, true happiness comes from yourself. Ok, so an oversimplified view, perhaps a bit off, but unless I go into great detail, it's gonna have to stand.
So, thats enough soap-boxing for today, back to the designing.
_____ of the day: why do birds suddenly appear?
The sticky Ogukuo