So my last post went kinda ranty about having lots of stuff and being rich and yet unsatisfied. The truth is, I am satisfied with what I have. I mean, in the broad sense I am, of course there are those times when I really wish I had whatever the toy of the moment is. Sometimes its new guitar stuff, sometimes its something completely random that I would probably never use.
But I was thinking about it, and the thing I usually find myself wanting more of is human relationships. And I know I have that, I have wonderful friends, and I love you all, but I know I could be better at it, as in a better friend. That’s where a real richness is, not in whatever toys I have. I realized at some point that I’m usually making my, shall we say, negative posts whenever I haven’t been hanging out with friends for a while. They don’t come after not watching tv for a while, or after my computer goes down. And that’s why I love the weekend, not cause I have more free time to sit in front of the tv, but that’s when people come over. It’s also why I love hanging out in the Bean or in the art area. I usually find people there to talk to and hang out with. Of course, part of human relationships is also that ever so elusive relationship with a member of the opposite gender. But, yeah, I’ll take what I can get for now. And for now that’s great friendships, and I’m very happy with those. Hopefully any future elusive exclusive relationship doesn’t detract from my other friendships, that’d just suck.
I like my life right now. It’s by no means perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful for what I do have. I have wonderful friendships, I’m close to a community that I feel I’m part of, and access to means to create art. For the past year or so I’ve been dreading growing up and eventually moving on with my life, and I’m trying to get over that. If I spend all my time cringing because I know in a few years my life will be different than it is now, I’m gonna miss what is actually happening around me. That’s a tough one to fight with. I guess it’s because I like my life now, and knowing that it’ll be changing is not a happy thought. At least the uncertainty of what it will bring is. Who knows, maybe in 3 years I’ll be married and have a wonderful life starting somewhere else besides Dordt. Ok, its unlikely, but possible.
Ever find yourself wondering when God is going to show you the way your life is going to go? As if you feel like you life is kinda paused and nothing is really happening and that at some point something needs to happen to give your life direction? And then you look back on the past several years and realized that its already happening? That life isn’t really on hold, that it is happening and just because it isn’t coming easy doesn’t mean its not happening. I think I’m starting to get there. I always picture my life starting when I get married and I have my own house and a real “normal” job. Then I’ll have everything figured out, I’ll know what the rest of my life will be like. Yeah, fat chance. I won’t know then, and I don’t know now. Although, granted, I will have a better idea what my life will look like when those things happen, but it’ll also lead to more questions.
Ok, I don’t know where I’m going with any of this, so take it for what its worth. I fear that my new job allowing my copious amounts of time to blog isn’t going to be good for my long blog habit. With the time I have, the blogs are gonna get longer and longer. Hopefully with meaningful content, but I guess we’ll see about that. For now I’ll call it quits, hopefully your not banging your head against the wall at this point.
______ of the day: More rants on material possessions to follow?The working Ogukuo
1 comment:
thanks for the post. It was good. I think that a lot of people, me included, have similar feelings and hesitations about growing up and having a "real life"
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