30 November 2006

And then this comes

About 12 hours ago a young man from North Hall passed on. Out of the blue, totally unexpected. I didn't know him. But I feel a connection to him through community. Already last night there was a prayer service. I saw many people affected by his absence, most of whom didn't know him.
Hearing of his death reminded me of 3 young men from my high school who died too young as well. One by a car accident, one by a heart defect, and one by his own hand. Each one a special boy, as I'm sure Jon was.
Say a prayer for his family, his friends, and his community.

29 November 2006

Sorry, its a long one...

So my last post went kinda ranty about having lots of stuff and being rich and yet unsatisfied. The truth is, I am satisfied with what I have. I mean, in the broad sense I am, of course there are those times when I really wish I had whatever the toy of the moment is. Sometimes its new guitar stuff, sometimes its something completely random that I would probably never use.
But I was thinking about it, and the thing I usually find myself wanting more of is human relationships. And I know I have that, I have wonderful friends, and I love you all, but I know I could be better at it, as in a better friend. That’s where a real richness is, not in whatever toys I have. I realized at some point that I’m usually making my, shall we say, negative posts whenever I haven’t been hanging out with friends for a while. They don’t come after not watching tv for a while, or after my computer goes down. And that’s why I love the weekend, not cause I have more free time to sit in front of the tv, but that’s when people come over. It’s also why I love hanging out in the Bean or in the art area. I usually find people there to talk to and hang out with. Of course, part of human relationships is also that ever so elusive relationship with a member of the opposite gender. But, yeah, I’ll take what I can get for now. And for now that’s great friendships, and I’m very happy with those. Hopefully any future elusive exclusive relationship doesn’t detract from my other friendships, that’d just suck.
I like my life right now. It’s by no means perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful for what I do have. I have wonderful friendships, I’m close to a community that I feel I’m part of, and access to means to create art. For the past year or so I’ve been dreading growing up and eventually moving on with my life, and I’m trying to get over that. If I spend all my time cringing because I know in a few years my life will be different than it is now, I’m gonna miss what is actually happening around me. That’s a tough one to fight with. I guess it’s because I like my life now, and knowing that it’ll be changing is not a happy thought. At least the uncertainty of what it will bring is. Who knows, maybe in 3 years I’ll be married and have a wonderful life starting somewhere else besides Dordt. Ok, its unlikely, but possible.
Ever find yourself wondering when God is going to show you the way your life is going to go? As if you feel like you life is kinda paused and nothing is really happening and that at some point something needs to happen to give your life direction? And then you look back on the past several years and realized that its already happening? That life isn’t really on hold, that it is happening and just because it isn’t coming easy doesn’t mean its not happening. I think I’m starting to get there. I always picture my life starting when I get married and I have my own house and a real “normal” job. Then I’ll have everything figured out, I’ll know what the rest of my life will be like. Yeah, fat chance. I won’t know then, and I don’t know now. Although, granted, I will have a better idea what my life will look like when those things happen, but it’ll also lead to more questions.
Ok, I don’t know where I’m going with any of this, so take it for what its worth. I fear that my new job allowing my copious amounts of time to blog isn’t going to be good for my long blog habit. With the time I have, the blogs are gonna get longer and longer. Hopefully with meaningful content, but I guess we’ll see about that. For now I’ll call it quits, hopefully your not banging your head against the wall at this point.
______ of the day: More rants on material possessions to follow?The working Ogukuo

27 November 2006

What time is it?

So, I came to the conclusion that its Monday a few hours ago. It took me a while to figure that one out. Cause my timeline has been all screwed up the past week or so without a steady job and with everyone gone. And because I'vd worked 2 overnights now, so my body is still trying to figure that out. Last night my car decided it no longer wanted to have headlights, so it didn't. Thankfully Andrea is wonderful and let me take her car to work. Unthankfully, my boss decided I should see what the morning ruitine is like this morning. So that means that instead of goin home at 6:30 being totally exhausted, I went home at 9 being beyond totally exhausted. All in all, I didn't get to bed til 10 this morning after getting up at 1 yesterday afternoon. So thats what, 21 straight hours? Ick, this job is gonna be tough. I got up at 4ish this afternoon, and now its 11 pm, I have the night off and don't know what to do. If I go to bed anytime before 4 am I'll be totally screwed for tomorrow nights shift, but I dunno what to do for the next 5 hours. I don't wanna watch movies or anything, cause thats what I'll be doin at work, so I dont wanna get sick of them already. And the Bean isn't open yet cause its still technically break. So I'm sitting at home, maybe I'll ride back to campus soon and see if I get lucky and snag someone walkin around campus.
I think I'm coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I want. Either I'm not gonna get it, or I am, or I am going to eventually. I speak broadly here, of course, I mean in respect to all of life. But, for some reason it also seems like its the first senerio, where I don't get it. Of course, thats the selfish me speaking, the me that grew up in North America having everything I need, and pretty much anything I want. Ok, I can throw out a sob story about living in an unfinished basement and having a crappy job and whatever, but I have a job and a place to live and a car (two actually, as of tonight), and wonderful friends, and most everything else thats considered an extreme luxary by the rest of the world. And, of course, I take it all for granted. Every single thing I have I take for granted. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, it does. I've been considering for the past six months or so eventually moving down to Guatemala to work with a mission that I did some work thru in the past. The family I worked for down there had no running water, no water at all actually except for what was caught when it rained. We built them a sistern to store that water. They lived in a concrete block house with no doors, windows or interior walls. It was a 3 generation family living in there. And somehow I still find time to complan about the fact that I live in the basement of a solid house with 3 tvs in it, 3 computers, at least 4 guitars, a piano, indoor plumbing, enough furnerature to seat at least 2 dozen people and a kitchen thats usually stocked with pleanty of food. Has my life gotten that pathetic that I've forgotten "the little things" that a majority of people in the world only dream about?
Ok, dunno where that rant came from, but its true. Well, its true, but its also very false, I'll leave that for the next post tho.
_______ of the day: hurray for material possessions meaning nothing
The too-rich Ogukuo

25 November 2006

So long, free Saturday night

So I start my new job tonight, full shift tonight, full shift tomorrow night. I'm scared. Not cause of the job itself, but because I'll be out of synch with everyone else. My life will sorta be turned upside down as it were. My nights will always end at 10 no matter what, cause I'll need to leave for work then. I won't be goin to morning church anymore, 10 am will be like 3 in the morning for me. Hopefully I can adjust to sleeping during the day, if not I'm in alot of trouble.
So I apolgize to anyone who deals with me in the next week or so, I assume this first part will be the hardest for adjusting. I'll probably be crabby and generally irritable, more than normal at least. Hopefully I'll be able to pull thru it and somehow retain some shread of life. If anyone is feeling bored after midnight and wants to spend some time talkin on the phone, I'm your man! By midnight I should be done with any duties I have, and will have the rest of the night to do what I want, including talkin on the phone. Also, any good movies/books that you have that you think I should know about, pass them my way, I'll have the time to do them now.
Ok, I know I still have like 2 hours before I have to head in, but I should go figure out what I should bring along tonight so I can entertain myself and keep myself from getting bored to death on my first night.
______ of the day: I want my Saturday night back!!
The working Ogukuo

23 November 2006

Its Thursday!

Thanksgiving is over. Well, ok, technically theres still like 5 hours left in the day, but the celibratin is over for me. I'd say today ranked among the quieter thanksgivings I've experianced in my day. But, thats ok, I had a really good time. Although, I must say dinner with three college profs can tend to be rather intemidating. But, a good time. I must say I do miss family Thanksgivings, mostly cause my family is so different than any other family I've had Thanksgiving dinner with. Actually, my family is quite different in almost every way I can think of. Family dinners are rarely a quite affair, there is usually much laughter, yelling (not in anger), card games, general discussion, and walks to the ol' highschool to see how much has changed. We also have dessert sessions that rival most any bake sales. I'm talking about a kitchen table literally covered with pies, brownies, cake, ice cream, and anything else you care to imagine. And this isn't a plate totting affair, each person is alotted a dinner tray to hold all the goodies. Needless to say, we usually have dessert several hours after dinner.
So please pardon my little trip down memory lane turned family history lesson. I'm not complaning about other dinners I've been to over the years, just noting the differences from what I grew up with. And kinda miss. I'm excited to be goin home in a month for Christmas, especially for Christmas dinner at my grandpas with my extended family.
So, in other news, everyone come back!!
_____ of the day: tryptophene...mmmmmm
The turkey'd Ogukuo

21 November 2006

If I had a dog...

So I've been trying my hand lately at lyric writing, and I think yesterday lent itself to some pretty good life experiance as far as a song goes. Unfortunantely, it'd have to be a country song. So come with me on a journey thru my day (fasten your safety belts and place your pillows in a comfortable position, this is gonna be long and boring).
So yesterday was Monday, as most of you may know. Not the happiest of thoughts to begin with. I was planning on goin into work, but I spent a good part of the night coughing and not sleeping. So I called into work saying I wouldn't be in, and basically got laid off. So, quick recap, its Monday, I'm sick, and I just lost my job. Then, midmorning, my Mom calls me and tells me my great aunt died Sunday night. She was such a sweet old lady, one of the nicest ladies I know. Fastforward to the afternoon, I'm gonna run to town for grocieries and other random things. Except I can't because my car decides it no longer is on talking terms with my alternator, which has basically ceased to exist. So, its Monday, I'm sick, I've lost my job, a family member dies, and my car just took a poo on me. Yay!! If I had a dog and a girlfriend, my dog would have dumped me and my girlfriend would have run away. Wait, strike that, reverse it.
Ok, that was the play by play, now for the color. I am (I think) getting over the cold, at least I feel alot better today that I did yesterday morning. Of course, I have enough drugs pumping thru my system right now to make even Robert Downey Jr. look like a lightweight. And the loosing the job thing isn't really that big of a deal, I knew it was coming, and I start a new one next week. Plus, it is kinda nice to have the whole week off. Aunt Helen dying, well its a bummer, but she was like 94 and failing for a while. I certainly can't say I wish her back here, because I'm sure she wouldn't want to be, look what she has to compare it to now! And my car, yeah, that one pretty much is a bummer. I just brought it into the shop and will prolly hear back on it this afternoon. Either way, its gonna cost me money and I really need the car by the end of the week cause otherwise I really can't get to work. And in all fairness, I don't have a dog or girlfriend, so I dunno what would have happened with either of them yesterday. I'm just saying, with the way the day was goin....
But, the day is certainly not without its upsides. I got the new Snow Patrol CD in the mail, that made me happy. Haven't listened to it enough yet to be able to tell you if I like it or not. And I got my new SWR amp head too. That makes me uber happy, its so shinny and potentially loud, hurray! Of course, I don't have the cab for it yet, so I have to wait til tomorrow (assuming UPS's online tracking thingy is right) to have that, and then I have to wait til Friday or Saturday to run to Sioux Falls to get the jacks so I can actually have power goin from one to the other. But, by the end of the week my power output will be more than doubled, and my messing-around-with-sound ability will have also greatly increased. Hurray for 5 band EQs annd aural enhancers! Ok, so thats not that much messing around ability, but more than I have now. And theres an open slot for a rackmountable toy with the new head, so perhaps at some point I'll fill that with a seperate EQ allowing me to tweet my sound to my little hearts content.
And now I'm gonna try to motivate myself to actually get something useful done today, even tho I am still sick and probably shouldn't push myself too hard.
______ of the day: wait a minute, I was supposed to put something here!
The still-sick-but-getting-better Ogukuo

20 November 2006

Well, its "official", I am unemployed. At least for this week, anyway. I was planning on working at Greenworld thru Wednesday, but that ain't happening. When I went to bed last night I fully planned on going into work this morning, but my cold-stricken body decided around 1:30 this morning to revolt and send me into a coughing fit as well as a very sore throat, stuffed up nose and general unfunness. And that kinda made the night long and hard to get thru, cause it happened a few more times thruout the night, and when I woke up this morning I really didn't feel like hacking and coughing while freezing all day outside. So I called my boss and said I'd like to have at least the morning off to recover and sleep a bit. And he said the guy I've been working with took all of this week off, and since I'd only have a few more days anyway I may as well just be done. And I said ok and went back to sleep. I still feel kinda icky, actually quite icky, and I was hoping that I had this thing beat, bummer. But now I have 3 days with nothing to do except recover and adjust to turning nocturnal next week. Actually, next weekend it sounds like I'll be working a few nights for some training. So I'll probably start staying up later at night and sleeping in more and more. Its ideal, really. I'm kinda a nightowl, and at least for the next few days I can pretend to be a college student again, a sick one, but a college student nonetheless.
Ok, in an effort to shorten my verbouse (??) entries, I'll just stop here instead of goin on and on about nothing.
_______ of the day: I'm sick, wheres my mommy?? :(
The ill Ogukuo

18 November 2006

I'm lazy, so I'm just stealing one of Kara's old topics

So, Kara had a dream about a close friend dying, and I just had a dream last night that I was in the NY Yankees stadium. Yeah, I dream about the stupidest things. For some reason I was flown there for free with a group of people, and took part in some celebration or cerimony or something. Everyone else was out on the field for the whole game, but for some reason I came in around the 6th or 7th inning. And just as I was to make my grand entrance, the game was called on account of frost being on the grass (like, as soon as my foot hit the field, I heard the ump say game over). Yup, even my job infiltrated my dream. In the mornings we need to avoid walking on the grass cause it'll kill it if theres still frost on it, and that translated into the game being cancelled because of it. I dunno why they could play as much of the game as they did, or why the grass in an enclosed semi-heated place had frost on it to begin with. But it did, so the game was called, and the team we were supposed to be pulling for lost ( I dunno if it was the Yankees or whoever they were playing, but they lost). So everyone left, except for that group of us where had whatever special privilage. We gotta stay on the field (walking on the frosty grass!!) and hang out, have a BBQ, roam the stadium, whatever. It was at that point that I realized I didn't know anyone else in the group, except President Bush. yup, he was there for some reason. Just one of the guys hanging out, helping with the BBQ, no big deal. From there, details get fuzzy, I remember hanging out by a table of food, and Bush goin back and forth from a store room bringing out hotdogs and whatever. Really wierd. And then I was back here in this house (kinda, like same floor plan of this house, but kinda different layout and sizes of rooms, it was wierd) and I was cutting up a hunk of meat for supper. I was doin this in the living room and laying the meat out on the carpet, I realized about halfway thru doin this how disgusting that was. So I washed it off, and my parents were in the kitchen and I tried to put the blinds down cause it was bright outside, and they broke and fell off, and then I tried to fix them, and then I think I woke up.
I have stupid dreams that mean nothing, except perhaps its gonna be a sunny day and I have a craving for meat for some reason.
_______ of the day: A bowl of cold cerial will have to do for now :(.
The hungry Ogukuo
p.s. I'm working on making the posts shorter

16 November 2006

More reasons why

So I think I've figured out another reason why Tuesday was so poopy. I mean, its a variety of things, but I figured out one reason that I hadn't thought about before that is outside of myself, thank goodness. They guy I've been working with the past few weeks was kinda complaining about another guy at work, one of the bosses who isn't really good at being a boss, or that much of a worker, really. Can't say I really disagree with him, they guy is kinda a flake. But the guy I've been workin with keeps goin on about how he isn't fair, and demands too much out of others when he himself doesn't really do that much work. After a while it got kinda old, I mean, yeah, the guys not the best boss, but enough is enough. And I know I kinda kept the conversation goin too, cause the only other thing this guy really talks about is sports, which is about as interesting to me as a steamy pile of, um, compost. Ok, so I'm interested on sports on the surface of them, as in I kinda like watchin a game once in a while, especially if its playoffs or whatever, but all the guys are work talk about drafts and stats and whos worth what and what team stands a chance this year for whatever reason. *yawn*. No thanks. So, instead of listening to this guy talk about that, and me not knowing a tidbit of what hes talking about and pretending to be interested I'd keep the conversation on something that I at least know something about. I stopped that today, I kept shifting the conversations to music, something I'm interested in. And I had a happier day :).
Plus, its almost the weekend, and thats always happy. I also moved the keyboard from the otherside of hte basement over by my computer, so now I can look up sheet music online (which is very hard to find, btw, anyone know a good site that has a wide selection?) and play. Its fun, I've learned the intro to an Evanescance song, a Goo Goo Dolls song, and Music Box Dancer.
Ok, I'm being distracted by the fact that I dont want to write anymore. Are my posts way too long? I have a feeling I bore people so they just dont read what I write...
______ of the day: I hate barberry bushes
The cube-shaped Ogukuo

14 November 2006

Reasons why

So I'm mulling over what I wrote last night. And the reasons why.
I don't wanna slip slowly into a life that will make me look back in 20 years and say "woah! what happened? I used to have so much fun, now my life is boring and I don't know when it happened" And I'm on the leading edge of that happening. Not because I want to, but because its gonna happen no matter what.
Of course, thats life, and its goin by faster and faster it seems, and life isn't fair, and blah blah blah, I've heard it all before. All those stupid cliche phrases are true, and none the less stupid. They are so applicable to life that they are meaningless. I don't want to hear that life isn't fair, or that "you need to start being responsible" and other random cliche "its time to grow up" phrases that sound like things your mother would say. I just want to live life. I know that bills need to be payed, and retirement needs to be saved up for, and all that crap, I just want to have a life once its all said and done. Whats the point of life if you spend all of it worrying about how much it costs, and if theres any way to save a buck or two. Forget that, I'll live my life, have fun, spend what I need to, save for what I want to, and worry more about what my money can do for me than what I have to do to get it.
Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 23? If it is, I think I'm having it. 6 months into the workforce and I'm already ready to call it quits. For those of you still in college (which, by my calculation would be anyone who actually reads this) enjoy it! Yeah, papers and tests suck, but at least you are being mentally stimulated. I've gotta find a job sooner or later that actually offers that. I've gotten dumber the past 6 months because of mindless work. Now anyone who has talked to me at length knows my stance on Gen300, and how its a crap class. But, I know that what it says about calling being more than your job is true (doesn't change the fact that the class sucks). I currently live my life after 5, my life happens outside of work.
Once again, I'm goin no where with this, sorry. At least Tuesday is over, I always hate Tuesdays for some reason, even more so than Mondays, if you can believe that.
Anyone have a good leather couch I could lay down on for a while and talk about my problems? I can't afford a shrink, the best I could do is borrowing someones couch.
_______ of the day: job politics suck
The Tuesday'd Ogukuo

13 November 2006

Since I'm on the topic

Sooooo, heres another blog thats all masked and cryptic, but basically comes down to girls and the future, like every other blog.
Once again, like I did about 6 months ago, I'm starting a new job with high hopes and asperations, blah blah blah. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread, its what I want to do, I'm gonna love it. Except not. I mean, basically, I'll have about 2 hours of cleaning, and then 6 hours of break time with intermentant bed checks to make sure everything is cool. Sparing the fine details, thats my job description. So, like the lowlight of my previous (er, still current at this point) job, I will basically be working by myself. Now, granted, I'll be able to read, watch tv, surf the web, make shadow puppets, whatever while working, I still am basically lacking human interaction. Except, of course, unless one of the residents gets up in the middle of the night. But then the only connection I have is being a meany and telling them to go back to bed.
And do I wanna do this job long term? No. I'm still in that boat, too. And its sinking. I honestly have no idea where I will/want to be in 10 years. Shoot, 2 years for that matter. By that time all my Dordt friends will have graduated, and I will probably be even more sick of Sioux Center than I am now. So, then what? I stay? I move back to Ripon? I move somewhere with no base? I'm frustrated because I don't know which direction. And there are so many way to finish that sentance.... which direction God wants me to go, which direction I want to go, which direction I "should" go, which direction would be financially best for me, etc etc. And why do I have to figure it out now? Well, I should start figuring it, I'm graduated from college, I have the piece of paper telling people that I jumped thru the hoops to be able to tack B.A. to my name. This, of course, means I should be able to find a real job, not just hop from one hourly job to another. Of course, its also appealing to live in an unfinished basement with no real commitment or responsibility. But that also means no real base either. No one I know will be there who I can come home from work to every day, and who would move with me wherever I/we happen to move to.
I think what I need is a little less of people giving me wonderful/useless/annoying suggestions for what I should do in the career/girl/living situation category and a little more interaction with God and the following of his lead. Cause right now, I'm not sure where Hes leading me, but I think that means that He has something for me, its just a matter of His timing of showing me what it is.
I know I don't really want to be to this point in my life, but I get the feeling I'm gonna be ready to kinda settle down into something resembling real life here in the next few years, the only thing thats missing is maturity on my part, a career, home, and a girl. It kinda seems like those 4 things go together like folding the 4 flaps of an open box together to make a closed top. All 4 are needed to make it work, and they all kinda need to happen at the same time for it to actually work. I know, you don't think that I need any of the other 3 to make any particular 1 work, and good for you. You get a sarcastic pat on the head cause I dont care. Yup, I'm to that point, I don't even care what anyone has to say about it anymore. Go ahead and tell me "hey, shes out there somewhere" or "congrats on the new job! maybe this is where God is leading you" or "saving up for a house?" I'm living weekend to weekend right now, and sooner or later its gonna run thin and break. I don't even know anymore where I was trying to go with this, except that I dont know where I am goin, or who I'm goin there with, or when any of it is happening, or if it is happening, or how I'm even gonna know when it happens. When I was younger I always pictured myself looking back on my younger life and saying "yup, I was confused about everything then, but now I at least have a few things figured out". I was hoping to have at leave one thing (pick it, anything) figured out by now, and I dont. I'm still just as confused as I was when I was 17.
Ok, its way too late, I've gotta go to bed, otherwise I'd keep writing non-sensical nothings. I'm sorry if you read this whole thing, cause its disjointed and probably boring, and still doesn't really even say anything about what I'm feeling. So if you were looking for insight, sorry, you didn't find it here.
_______ of the day: _______
The still Ogukuo

07 November 2006

Follow up, what a silly word, er, words

So, if you haven't read my previous post, I'd recommend reading that first, before this one. Since my all too boring life happens chronologically, logically it should be accounted for in such a manner. Er, something like that.
So I was a bit worried about not having a job, etc etc. Found out today that I will indeed have a job, working nights full time starting after Thanksgiving. At Hope Haven, of course. That is, if I pass my drug test, and I'm worried, cause I've been hitting the poppy seed muffins pretty hard lately.
I also get to have Christmas (and surrounding days) off, so I'll be able to travel to CA to see my fam and long lost friends, yay!
And in other news, well, there is no other news really, my life is boring. I, again, pruned various shrubberies all day. Oh, I did get to play fetch with an overly salivating dog for a while, that was quite fun and distracting from work. I would blame society, but who cares?
And now I go shower and see if we have food somewhere in our brick fortress.
_____ of the day: Yes, we have no bananas
The jobbed (jobed? job-ed?) Ogukuo

05 November 2006

Here and there

So its November. Thanksgiving is, what 3 weeks away? Something like that. Right around that time is when I will no longer be employed by Greenworld (assuming I stick around til then). I have an app in at Hope Haven, and am looking forward to hearing from them in the next few days about a job there. Everyone who has worked there or who is currently working there tells me I dont need to worry, I'll get the job. So basically I'm counting on it. Even tho it'll prolly only be like 3 days a week to start with, it'll hopefully be enough to get me by. And with luck I'll be able to work my way up and get some more hours as well.
So, I'm even doing here in this blog, I'm writting with the assumpion that I get the job, cause I know they need someone and everyone says they'll take me. But what if they dont for whatever reason? They found someone else to fill it, they dont like my goatee, whatever, what if I dont get it? THen I think I'm stuck. Cause I don't know of any other jobs currently available that would pay enough to make it worth it, and I only have a few more weeks of work before I'm laid off. So, in other words, by the time I'm eating Thanksgiving dinner (if I even do that) I may be unemployed. Of course, thats worst case senerio, but I dont wanna count on anything yet that may not happen.
And either way, Christmas is gonna be interesting I think. I really wanna be home, cause if I don't go then, I wont see any of my family or friends from there until June. But I may not be able to afford to fly home, or I may not be able to get time off from work, if I have a job. And it'd be a real bummer to not see those people for another 6 months. Plus I really really wanna see mountains!!! I would kill (ok, not really) to be able to spend just one day up in the moutains. And if I were back in Cali, I know one of the things I would be doin is driving up to the mountains, rain snow sleet or shine. Snow is beautiful, but it is 10 times better when its on mountains.
Ok, enough of that, I should go find myself some "sunday dinner". And by that I mean toast with peanut butter.
_______ of the day: oil and water don't mix, neither do the colors blue and green in my wardrobe.
The hungry Ogukuo

02 November 2006

When the time comes...

So I'm down. I dunno why, but I am. I think it stems from a dream I had this past weekend. And lemme say this, this past weekend was totally awesome, my parents and brother were visiting, as well as a ton of other fun people. I saw the play, hung out with the fam, friends, etc etc, it was a very good weekend. But Saturday night I had this wierd dream that I found a dead guy. Except I didn't find him, just his bloody shirt and various other disturbing items that were obviously related to a death. And there were various other events in the dream that made me feel trapped and unable to do anything I actually wanted to do. Keep in mind this was only a dream, but when I woke up Sunday morning I was all depressed and down. And it was because of that stupid dream!! Cause besides that, the weekend was awesome. Why is that? Why did something outside the realm of physical reality make take me so far down when I was having such a grand time in real reality?
And now its kinda the same thing tonight, except without the dream there as a stimulus. I mean, I had a meh day at work (but thats ordinary) and a fairly good evening, social, fun, nothing extraordinary tho. So why do I feel down? Ack, I hate this feeling. And the stupid thing is, it'll be gone tomorrow probably. I mean, thats a good thing, but it doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it, so it seems.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed and think happy thoughts. Maybe that'll help.
________ of the day: Once in a great while everything seems to go right, and it still seems wrong.
The down-filled Ogukuo