Soon we'll be living in the future

Well, I'm 3ish weeks into the new job, starting to feel more competent. This, of course, is not always good. I had a whole series of mistakes yesterday out of ignorance (and a ignorant ignoring of ignorance). And as I was told many'a time, ask questions, ask questions, ask questions. Today I was laughed at (all in good fun) because I didn't know how to pronounce the word 'sputum' (its 'spew-tim', not spud-um'). I'm not quite sure how I fit into an office of almost all women. Evidently I've been a talking point around the building, as male receptionists who are prone to have girlfriends are rare.

I've been taking the bus to work the past few days. This is a new and interesting venture. There's an interesting mix of people on the bus: alot of community college students, some people riding to work like myself, and then the type of people who make bus riding awkward. Yesterday I heard a 'lover's quarrel' that involved exchanges such as "Don't touch me!", "I can touch you if I want to", and "I could kill you so fast and no one would ever know", and "What time did you go to bed last night? cause you know you're supposed to be in bed by 9". These didn't appear to be the brightest people, and most of it was probably said just to say something and fill empty space between their ears. Either way, it made that part of the trip awkward and annoying. But, I'm saving a decent amount on gas, doing my part for the environment, and showing them terrorists by not supporting them and furthering America's dependence on foreign oil.

Outside of work (with the bus commute, I'm gone from 7:30 til 6:15 everyday), theres really not much new happening. I got offered the chance to play in the praise band at the church we plan on attending, so thats kinda cool, a good way to at least play bass once in a while. Sadly, weekends have been spent mostly catching up on stuff from the week, so lots of laundry, sorting paperwork, and cleaning.

October will certainly bring some excitement tho. Andrea and I are going to Missoula this weekend to visit Al (and with any luck catch Straylight Run and Anberlin in Spokane tomorrow night). Either way, it shall be an awesome weekend. Next weekend I'm hoping to see Fleet Foxes play in Bellingham. And then the following weekend my parents are visiting, and then the following weekend Nick and Lari are visiting!! Super excitement!!

Sorry for the dearth of updates, my computer has decided to be ridiculously slow, so I'm avoiding it as punishment. Hopefully I can afford a laptop in the next few months.

______ of the day: "We'll wait in line for most our lives"

The working class Ogukuo

Make sure to brush and floss your window frames daily

-I have (finally) officially been "job offered" (thats what they call it in the biz). Next week I will start my new job as a Patient Services Representive in Pulminary at a clinic in Bellingham. Sorry it took so long for me to update everyone, I've been waiting myself for the news. Apparently, Iowa takes a very long time to return background checks. So I've been a bit edgy waiting for the news.



-I've been working on repairing and updating a rental house for a guy for the past few weeks, so its been nice to be occupied and have some money coming in while I wait on the fulltime job. Oddly, this week I've been wearing old jeans, a shirt stained with paint, and work boots, while next week I'll have to wear khakis and a collared shirt for work. I fear my wardrobe may turn "preppy". But on the upside, I won't have to worry about getting paint and bleach in my hair!!



-Today I cleaned window frames with a toothbrush. These things were pretty nasty. I guess that's what you get for having renters who don't clean the place for seven years.



-Everyone in the state of Washington has some weird fascination with driving slowly. Almost every other state I've been to has a "55 MPH unless otherwise posted" law out in the country. Here its 35 MPH. The typical speed limit is usually posted in the 40-50 mph range, which still seems low to me for being out in the country. And the odd thing is, everyone drives 5-10 below the speed limit! I guess its not a bad thing, I just figured Washingtonians are typically known for drinking coffee, and I assumed this would lead to faster driving, not slower.

-I just tried taking pictures of my house/room, and evidentally the flash on my camera quit working, so that'll have to wait I guess, sorry.

-Random thought, I have a secret facination with model train sets. I would love to be one of those old retired guys who wears striped overalls and a conductor's hat and has a huge model train setup in the basement. Complete with a model town and hills. That and bonsai, I think I may get into bonsai.

_____ of the day: I've been listening to The Moon & Antartica alot recently. I really like it.

The employed Ogukuo

Do I still exist?

Ok, another update.

I'm in my new place. I've got a bed and a small nightstand, and everything else is stacked in the corner. My next goal is a dresser, desk, and bookshelves so that I can start de-boxing stuff and make my room look like a room instead of a storage shed.

I had a job interview yesterday! It was for a position at a branch of the hospital. I'd be working in more of a clinical setting. Answering phones, recording information, helping patients, etc. I'm excited about the prospect. I've heard really great things about the hospital, and from what I've seen I would enjoy it.

I've got a "new" phone. Actually, its a four year old phone with weird features and outdated graphics. But, it works, I can call people, and they can call me. I can do texts, but I dunno if I'm alerted when I get them. So if I get a text from you and don't reply, I apologize. This phone is just to help me limp by until I decide if/when I wanna get a new contract.

Besides the concrete stuff like moving and job hunting, I've been having a hard time getting used to Lynden. I think the weather may be getting to me, and getting used to being away from a place I got so accustomed to is hard. Hopefully once I have a job to go to every day and a place that feels more like "my room" it'll be easier. I still want to ask for prayers and encouragement from people, I think I'm still in "the process" right now.

Today it looks like I can (thankfully) enjoy some sunshine! That will help.

______ of the day: You may be a big fish in a little pond/Doesn't mean you've won/'Cause along may come a bigger one

The adjusting Ogukuo

Does Iowa still exist?

Another week, and more job hunting. But, house hunting is over! I've found a place to live that I'm rather excited about. Its a good location, good people, really nice house, and um, [insert other good points]. This I am rather excited about, as it's a big step in feeling 'at home'. So next week, along with job hunting, I shall again be moving all my worldly possessions to a new location. Well, everything except my socks, which have inexplicably disappeared. If you see a large collection of socks somewhere between Sioux Center and Lynden, please let me know.

Andrea and I went to a Twins/M's game last night at Safeco field. It was a very good time. I really enjoy downtown areas at night, there's something so awe-inspiring about it. We sat in the 9th row for most of the game, and moved to the 2nd towards the end! Thats the closest I've ever sat to a real game before! And 'Major League Mariners Dogs' are very good, and worth the $6.00 to get.

So what happened to the Iowa Blogging Contingency? I'm pretty much ignorant of any current events because (almost) no one is blogging! I guess I could call some people to find out, it'd be nice to catch up anyway. Perhaps once I'm settled into a place of my own and have time to call I will do that.

Lesse, other news of note: I've gotten a haircut (it looks quite good), I think I've found a church I like, so hopefully that continues to be a blessing, and I believe my cell phone is in its last throws. I no longer have an outside display (thus, no caller ID), and the inside screen is starting to blank out once in a while as well. Its also sending alot of calls straight to voicemail. So if I miss your call, I apologize, just try again, my phone responds to persistence.

Thats all from the newest frontier, good day!

______ of the day: Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today, gonna love today.

The partly cloudy Ogukuo

To get it off my chest...

Well, I've been in Lynden for a week and a half now, and feel like I'm not gaining much traction yet. I thought I had a good shot at a job, but the position was offered to someone else. I also thought I had a place I really wanted to live, but I'm having second thoughts about that as well. So I'm in the market for a job and for an apartment. Both are slow going. It's tough, but I'm working on staying positive about it.

1.) I'm questioning myself on the job search, I'm really not sure what I want to do. The thought of working for a non-profit and working with kids is awesome, but I don't know if I can find something in that area that will pay enough to support even my simple lifestyle. So now I'm looking into a broader range of positions, which makes things difficult. This really opens up the market, but to jobs where I don't have experience, and I'm not sure about these positions. I know there is a job that I would awesome at, and that I would love to do, but I just don't know what that job is.

2.) About the apartment situation, the one I was looking at is the cheapest by far, but doesn't offer much besides that. It's a studio without much storage space, and no internet. What I'm thinking now is I want a 2 bedroom apartment that I can share with a roommate. This will actually end up being a bit cheaper I figure, cause I'll be splitting rent, but its gonna be tough to figure out this situation. Cause finding a roommate will be hard without knowing people around here, and if I don't find a roommate, rent will be in the $650-$730 range by myself. Not to mention that places are wary of renting to unemployed persons (see point 1).

No, I didn't figure this would be easy, and I know its gonna take some time for things to settle into place. I'd really appreciate your prayers for me as I try to realign my life right now. I'm trying to keep a positive note about all of this, and knowing that people care helps alot. Building a new support network takes time, I still want my old one right now.

_______ of the day: Never underestimate my Jesus/When the world around you crumbles/He will be strong he will be strong.

The Searching Ogukuo

An update, but not really

Ok, this blog is gonna cover a very very busy month, so I'm gonna hit the highlights (that I can remember) and hopefully do some more real updates later. I hope someone still reads this.

-Its been 3.5 weeks since leaving Sioux Center. I've seen the Omaha Zoo, a ton of plains states, the Pacific Ocean, Pinecrest Lake, Modesto, Mt. Shasta (could barely see it thru the smoke from the CA wildfires), downtown Salem (awesome), cool things in and around Portland (also awesome), the Columbia Valley River Gorge, tons of traffic from Olympia to Marysville (about 3 hours worth), Lynden for a day, Lake Roosevelt, Grand Coulee Dam, Stevens Pass, many deer, a bald eagle, a bear cub, the beach (alot), and tons of water spraying everywhere as I attempted multiple times to get up on a wakeboard.

-So yes, hitting all of this with one blog would be nearly impossible. The highlights would be the experiances, such as boogie boarding in the Pac ocean, party boating on Pinecrest, and attempting to wakeboard. Although, actually getting up on the wakeboard was much more fun than attempting to. I love wakeboarding, but only have about a 10% accuracy rate for getting up. I've dealt with alot of sore muscles and painful bruses. All worth it.

- Now I'm settling into Lynden and losing steam. The traveling is over, visiting cool and awesome family and friends is over. Now I'm waiting to hear if I have a job, trying to find a place to live, trying to figure out how to find a roommate in a place I don't know, and keeping an eye on my ever dwindling bank account. Its all given me a nasty tension headache that kept me up last night and is still dogging me today. I'm trying to keep a positive spin on things, but its hard right now.

-I'm starting to miss music too.

_____ of the day: Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head.

The aching Ogukuo

4th of July!

I blog not often, sorry to the 2.6 people who read this. So here's a little update, kinda general stuff thats been happening.

1. General funness and stuff at home
- Tennis! Since Andrea's returned to Sioux Center, we've played a few games of tennis. Not only is it fun, its also fun and fun.
- I've tried to start some sort of jogging routine. So far I've spent more time stretching out than actually jogging.
- I've been working. Alot. In the past month or so I've logged close to 40 hours in overtime. Makes for long days, but the payoff is kinda nice. And since my last day is next Thursday, loading up on some extra cash is not a bad thing.
- I've generally avoided thinking about the fact that I'm moving in a few weeks. It's not that real yet. This scares me a bit.

2. A trip to Pella!!
- Ok, so its not Grand Rapids, but its one of the Dutch meccas. I went down there to meet some of Andrea's extended family. It was fun. I felt a bit out of my element, but had a good time meeting people and playing Dutch bingo. Such as finding out that Andrea's Grandpa plays golf with my mom's former boss a few times a week. Ahhh connections.
- Pella is not quite what I expected. I mean, Dutch-wise, yes, about what I thought it would be. But its a much smaller town than I thought it would be. But for a small town, they've really got a name for themselves with Pella Windows, Vermeer, and Pella bologna. And, of course, the childhood home of Wyatt Earp. Oh, and according to Wikipedia, the guitarist from the Killers is also from Pella.
- I think this is a town I would like to return to once or twice in my lifetime.

3. A trip to Okoboji!
- Yesterday Andrea and I went up to Okoboji to visit Scott and Sheryl. This was a fun endevour.
- I tried water skiing for the first time in a long time. I tried like 6 times and never got up. This is frustrating. I blame a slightly-slower-than-what-I'm-used-to boat, the many years since I've last skiied, and very choppy water due to the many many other boats on the lake. I also tubed. This I did fairly well. But the combonation of these activities has left me quite sore today. In a good way, of course. Just don't ask me to lift anything soon.
- We played mini-golf and ate good chicken. Both of these were winner ideas as well.
- I'm torn on Okoboji. On one hand, there were many fun things to do, but on the other hand, it was way too crowded. I guess its a good secret that got out.

So thats the latest on my front. The next few weeks will bring about some big changes, so again, I may go on a blogging hiatus. But rest assured, after that, I will have many many things to write about.

_____ of the day: We should get jerseys, cause we make a good team.

The sore Ogukuo

Sweet dessert and changes

-Instead of sitting around bored Friday night, I decided to make dessert instead. Of course, this means I didn't go out or make dinner for myself, but it was fun making dessert. The choice this time was white chocolate covered grapes with an orange dipping glaze. It was quite good, and suprisingly simple to make. The only problem is I don't think its something that will keep long in the fridge. Partly because I keep eating a little bit at a time, and partly because the chocolate and orange curd are getting pretty hard, making it kinda difficult to eat without stuff falling apart. But thats ok, this was an experiment that I still consider a great success.

-In unrelated news, I took a walk around campus last night. For those of you not around, there are some changes going on around the center of campus. The parking lot in front of the campus center has been pulled out and is being expanded and redesigned with trees and islands. The parking lot between the rec center and the Beej is gone, all the way to where it connected with the Southview parking lot. And it looks like another lot will be put in on the west side of the old soccer field. So there have been alot of trees cut down, and dirt turned up. Grass that is normally well kept is growing tall. It looks rather crappy right now, but I bet when the project is finished it will be a significant improvement. Both of those parking lots were eyesores, so its nice to see one redone in a nice way and the other taken out. Having an expanded green area by the rec center will be very nice and inviting.

-I'm starting to appreciate my house more now that I can do some cleaning up and it stays that way for a while. Our living room seems suprisingly inviting without fastfood remains, beer bottles, and numourous glasses strewn everywhere. And walking down a hallway that isn't being used for storage is amazing!

-Today was the last time until Thursday that I need to get up at 5:45 am. This is exciting. And I have next weekend off!! This is huge! I haven't had a free weekend at home for well over a month. Plans for Highschool Musical and BBQ's have me very excited :).

And now its almost lunch time, so I'd best sign off.

______ of the day: Concert tonight!

The overworked Ogukuo

Today I bought three things...

1.) A gallon of milk. This is actually rather significant because its the first time in close to two weeks that I've got milk. Up until recently, it seems like I'd need to buy a gallon of milk every 4-5 days. Am I drinking less milk? Well, I'll just say that less of my milk is being drunk, if you know what I mean.

2.) One of those stackable tray deals for organizing papers on my desk. This is part of my ongoing quest to become and stay organized. I figure these will take up enough room on my desk that I won't have room to stack random crap, and thus will be forced to use them. I have $2.88 invested that says they will help.

3.) A box of Hostess Cupcakes. One needs no other reason for this than they are awesome. Especially with #1 from this list.

And a few musical notes...
I recently discovered The Graduate on my itunes. One of those bands thats sat there for way too long without me listening to them. I likes them alot. Also, you should listen to 'Breakable' by Ingrid Michaelson. Its a very neat song.

______ of the day: "I'm somewhere in between who I am and who I want to be" -Sing, The Graduate

Free Time!

-Today is my first free day in over a week and a half. Its quite nice to sit a little bit and feel not guilty about not doing things because I actually have time today to get them done. Hurray for getting laundry folded that was clean 3 days ago!!

-Since coming back from Washington, I've put in 9 straight days at Niessink, and overlapped that with 4 days of a side job running sound for the Robin's School of Dance recital. This side venture was quite fun. Very long hours, but working with great people who know what they were doing and how to let other people do what they know how to do.

-My regular job is about the same as always. I realized yesterday that I have about 6 weeks left there, and over 60 hours of PTO to use up. For those lacking basic math skills, that means I could cut myself back to 30 hours a week and still get paid fully. However, we're rather short staffed, and I don't think I could take the time off even if I wanted to. Not sure how that is going to work itself out.

-As far as future life in Washington goes, I'm still unsure about a job or a place to live, but both are moving in good directions. I caught wind of a potentially very good place to live, which I'm hoping to follow up on very soon. The job situation is rather stale at this point, but I think I'm sitting in a good position. Hopefully that doesn't come back to bite me in the butt.

-I just found out that the pastor of my home church accepted a call to a different church. This is odd to me, as he has been at our church for ever. He baptized me. My church is also in the process of adding a second building to be a social hall/Sunday School classroom complex. And with that project, they are remodelling alot of the inside of the existing building as well. So when I see it next in July, it really is going to be a different place than what I grew up with. I guess progress is always being made, but for some reason I always feel like my childhood was a time when things where what they were. And now everything is changing from that. Its odd.

-I appreciate the connections and opportunities I've had thru Dordt. Its gonna be hard to move away from that.

______ of the day: All my stories sound the same

The relaxing Ogukuo

Last visit to Washington!

-It's the last visit cause the next time I go there, I'm going to stay :D. And, this visit expanded our stomping grounds to include Seattle, a city previously reserved for flying into and out of.

-I guess I'll start with Lynden/B'Ham. Had an interview (this time it was actually an interview) with Big Brothers Big Sisters. All in all, it went really well. The general impression I get is that they want me to work there, its just a matter of if their program moves in the direction of needing another staff person. Hoping and praying on that one. Also spent some quality time watching movies and playing catch. There was also a drive down Chuckanut Drive that was beautiful minus one innocent where we almost died.

-So, Seattle. Of all the towns I've visited that have a Space Needle, Seattle is my favorite. Even counting the cities without Space Needles, Seattle ranks pretty high. The Seattle experiance was great. Great hosts, great place to stay, great Folklife Festival, great waterfront, and great to experiance urban driving again.

-We (Andrea, Al, friend Christa, and I) stayed at my Uncle Dennis and Aunt Jennie's house in Bothell. It was wonderful to catch up again, moving away from the West Coast has left me somewhat disconnected from most of my family.

-Folklife was rather crowded, but a great time. I even Contra-danced! It was fun and only took me 3 days to work up the courage to do so! And for anyone who saw the Folklife Festival on the news, no, I was not shot.

-As many times as I've been to Seattle, I've never gone up the Space Needle til this visit. And its great! Granted, not something to do every other month, but very much worth doing. Especially in good company :).

-And a note about urban driving. Relaxed Midwest driving is awesome. But theres something about highways and city streets thats fun. Trying to find parking, however, thats an experiance I could pass on.

-I found my grandparents old house in Lake Forest Park as well. Good memories. Couldn't go inside to look around, but got to see the yard. Also went to the port on Lake Washington were we'd go as a family to feed ducks many years ago. Very fun and memory-ful.

-And now, just to make the blog a little longer, some pictures! (Ok, limited supply, I'm terrible at actually hauling out my digital camera and using it).

The Experiance Music Project as viewed from the Space Needle. I've heard its supposed to look vaguely like a guitar from above, I'm not seeing it.

Folklife Festival from the Space Needle.

And, of course, the Space Needle from the Folklife Festival.

Andrea doesn't like making nice faces when I take her picture, so here's revenge :).

-Thats all for now, check out Andrea's blog for a wider variety of pictures, she's got some good ones posted!

______ of the day: I enjoy Midwest Thunderstorms. Alot.

The traveled Ogukuo

Gas and golf and hermanutics

- I have a list of things I need to do in front of me. Such fun items as "do dishes" and "file paperwork from last 2 months" are on it. And for some reason, the only thought on my mind currently is GOLF!!!! I would love nothing more than to play 18 holes today. Of course, I haven't swung a golf club in 10 months, so if I did try to play a full round, I would probably die. Not to mention that I would score a 147 cause I'm terrible at golf. Perhaps a trip to the chipping green or driving range to slowly warm myself back into it...

- There is a pattern of mold on my bathroom ceiling that vaguely resembles South America. I wish so much for a vent fan. Which means I wish even more for a logical electrical system in our house so I could perform this simple installation.

- I watched the movie "Hot Rod" last night. I recommend it only if you have 87 minutes and several brain cells you are willing to give up. But it'll probably make you laugh a few times.

- I remembered yesterday that I got roped into working a 16 hour shift on Sunday. I guess its nice cause it's less PTO I need to use for my trip to Washington next week, but I'm gonna be rather cranky Sunday evening.

- I volunteered to work 16 hour days this summer. It may be nice, or I may need to reside in a room with rubber wallpaper because of it. I'm scared to find out.

- Kind Old King George sent me my economic stimulus check the other day. Like any good patriotic American, I dropped it right into my savings account. Maybe $600 will be enough to cover my gas costs for driving to Washington this summer.

- I have close to $100 in change (I'm guessing) sitting on top of my mini-fridge. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with it. I'll probably be boring and logical and use it to help pay for gas to move to Washington.

- I don't like it when I have to blog about paying for gas because its close to $4 a gallon.

- If we held a garage sale and sold everything that is being stored at our house I could retire very comfortably. I'd also be able to navigate the basement without tripping over many boxes and random furnerature.

______ of the day: I'm listening to The Velvet Underground. Hmmmmm.

The listless Ogukuo

Goodbye

Three years ago I watched friends graduate and leave. I came back for my last year of college, and two years ago graduated myself, watching more friends leave. I watched more people leave a year ago. And again yesterday. And now I have a few months of Sioux Center summer without any Dordt students, and I'll be leaving myself. I won't be seeing any friends return to Dordt in the fall. I probably won't see any more Dordt plays, or attend NISO concerts, or concert choir shows. The people I hung out with earlier this week are people I dunno if I'll see again.

I really look forward to moving, starting a new job, exploring a new area, meeting new people, and being with Andrea; and I really am glad I'm leaving to do all of these things. But its right now that kinda sucks. Its tough realizing that all these extremely recent memories are going to remain just that, memories. Its hard to see that the Dordt chapter of my life is (finally) over, but knowing that the next chapter of my life doesn't really start for another three months makes waiting hard. Everyone else's life changed yesterday, they say goodbye and move on to a summer job, or a new career, or job hunting, or moving into Dad and Mom's basement. I was part of the goodbyes, but now I return to work and dishes and being short changed on sleep.

More and more each day I feel like my life in Washington is starting, and I'm just waiting on hold until August to join it. What do I do with the time inbetween? Especially for the next month! Well, like I said earlier, work, dishes, and lack sleep.

Despite this rather somber post, I'm really not sad about moving away. Quite the opposite, I'm very excited about it! I'm just sad to leave one life behind without being able to start my next one for three months.

______ of the day: Why did it have to be rainy today??

The stuck inside Ogukuo

A lunch date with destiny

I saw my sister and brother-in-law yesterday for the first time since Thanksgiving. It was a good time, but we only got to visit for an hour or so. We had an interesting conversation about being people-oriented vs. task-oriented. My sister tends to be quite task-oriented, something inherited from both our parents. I tend to be task-oriented mentally, but people-oriented outwardly. This means that it bugs me to be behind schedule or whatever, but I'd still rather chat and pay attention to a person. Its ironic, because this conversation made me about 40 minutes late for work. Indeed, the person was more important than the task.

How much better off would we all be if everyone was people-oriented instead of task-oriented? We're all so focused on "what we need to do" that we lose sight of the human connection. I see this at the place were I spend most of my time besides my house. Everyone is so focused on getting "stuff" done right that the people really don't matter at all. Inservice after inservice address issues dealing with how things are done, but almost nothing is said about people. Nobody cares what we do, as long as we put the right spin on it when we write about it.

But before this totally falls into a blog about stupidity, I'll just quit and find lunch.

_____ of the day: does it even matter anymore?

The laughing-because-I-don't-care Ogukuo

I love the smell of irony in the morning

Today at our weekly meeting I realized a wonderful dichotomy that really sums up my job. My official job title is "Certified Instructor". Its an appropriate title, right? I've always thought so. Part of my job is to write daily assessments of what each boy does with his time, and how we interact with them. And for reasons unbeknownst to me, people get really cranky when we actually do this. We are required to sugar coat everything to the point where someone reading these assessments would see no reason for our boys to be in a group home. We are even given a list of words that we are not allowed to use in writing these assessments. One of these words is "instruct". I'm not allowed to write "I instructed so-and-so to do their chores". Thus, by the very rules of my job as an instructor, I am not allowed to instruct.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I remove my hat and take a bow towards the bureaucracy that has contradicted itself into so many knots that I am not even allowed to live up to my job title.
I find this little nugget of irony to be not only hilarious, but also emblematic of what is wrong with my job.
Thats all I got for today; savor the irony, its pretty thick.
______ of the day: For some reason the word dunderhead comes to mind.
The ironic Ogukuo

Washington is to Iowa as Mountainous is to...

I got back from visiting Andrea in Washington last night. It was a great time! We did tons of fun stuff, most of which were games of catch. I also wondered around Bellingham by myself for a good portion of Friday. This was a wonderful experiance, I'm starting to fall in love with Bellingham. And Birch Bay. And the beautiful view from Lynden on a clear day. And many more small things about the area that are too numerous to list here.

Now that I am back, however, I am feeling unmotivated to do anything. You know that feeling of returning from vacation and getting back "home" and settling in? I don't feel it at all. I feel like I left what I am comfortable with and came back to what I'm doing just to get by. Knowing that I'm moving to the area I just left makes it feel more like home. And leaving someone to return "home" is really more like saying goodbye and leaving home.

And knowing that I'm returning to 5 straight days of work doesn't help. I don't have a free evening until next Monday. I think it is this particular aspect of life out here that I am really ready to move on from. And as soon as possible. Its hard knowing that I'm done in just a few months, but for now I'm kinda stuck. Especially when I'm already dreading going in pretty much every day.

But, back to happy news, it looks as if my job situation out there is starting to align itself. Its too early to say yet, but its looking good. And it sounds like a job where I wouldn't be stuck in an office 40 hours a week, this is very happy. Also, my grandparents have a strong chance of getting a house in Lynden, which is good. I've been considering this for one of my housing options for the fall, so knowing that its more of an option is a good thing.

Well, on to take a shower where I have little water pressure, questionable hot water, and no vent fan to wisk away the steam. And thats after a week with access to a shower with awesome pressure, unending hot water, and a real vent to keep the bathroom unfogged. But its ok, my corner of the unfinished basement with thin carpet rolled out over concrete is so much nicer than a fully padded and carpeted room with a real bedroom door and a window.

______ of the day: How many more months?

The ready-to-move-on Ogukuo

I struggle with lucid thoughts.

I have been introduced to a drink called a 'Steve'. It has made me hum happiness. My life has seen improvement because of it. I heart it mightily.

I leave for Washington tomorrow morning. I am tired. And not packed. And feel much like sleeping and not packing. This is not good.

There is a complete lack of motivation that has currently taken over my being.

I think I need a Steve.

The thought of being in Washington is very exciting. The thought of travelling there is the opposite.

I played racquetball yesterday. It was fun. I didn't know the rules. It was fun.

I think M*A*S*H really peaked at season 3. I like it all, but season 3 is awesome.

I'm too scattered to even make intelegent sentences at this time in moment. And sentences are backwards getting. Thrown around too much, and the thoughts in my head are upside down.

Thinking is hard when your brain is turned off/Thoughts to the east immediately your brain when the arrest. I typed the first sentance into an online translator and ran it thru like 5 languages, and thats what it spit out.

I agree with both sentences.

_____ of the day: Burnt brain!!

The burnt Ogukuo

Better take the stairs...

-I just played tennis for the first time in something like 8 months. I was tired by the time the warm up was over. Between desperate gasps for breath I was planning my will expecting the worst. I believe this is a sign of a need for a change in my "fitness routine". Creating one would be a change, right? Anyone who wants to play tennis/racketball/catch/checkers/pretty much anything that involves exerting physical energy, lemme know.

-I'm considering moving upstairs in a few weeks when a coupla roommates move out. This is for a few reasons. It'd be a good excuse to sort/streamline my possessions for my upcoming move this summer. Plus having a real bedroom with a real door and a closet and windows is very appealing. Not to mention it would be nice to not have to walk up and down the stairs 87 times a day just to commute from my room to the kitchen/livingroom/bathroom/outside world. But being in the basement when its rediculously hot this summer is also appealing. And hauling all my crap upstairs when I don't need to isn't appealing, but would probably be good in the long run.

-Am I justified in sleeping in til 10 am on my days off when my work days leave me very sleep deprived? I mean, I slept 4 hours later today than yesterday. That can't be a healthy pattern. How I yearn for a job where I can have a normal sleep pattern. Thats not too much to ask, is it?

-I am currently extremely excited about the prospect of making bread by hand. I realize, this makes me sound sorta odd, but its true. Bread is such a basic thing, but if Sara Lee decided to retire, would I have the know-how to fend for myself??

-Does anyone know when Season 4 of The Office will come out on DVD? I'm gonna avoid watching any episodes from season 4 til I can see them all in order. And I'd rather watch them on DVD than online, its just not the same. Especially on my computer.

-I have laundry wrinkling in the dryer and food upstairs not being eaten, and both of these are signs that I must take action quickly.

______ of the day: In the end, you will be loved.

The out of shape Ogukuo

A short week

Wow, this week makes up for all those times in the past when I said that time just drags. I can’t believe it’s the weekend already, it feels like I just walked out of church last Sunday.

I’ve done a lot of stuff that I haven’t done for a long time (or ever); saw some long lost friends, went to Platte, SD, watched Enchanted, ate at a nice restaurant, watched The Office with more than just passing time in mind, and had the chance to make the living room look all pretty with candles and flowers and the such. Oh yeah, I also hung out with Andrea a few times :).

You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about how amazing it is that I have the chance to do what I want with my life. I look at what I’ve left behind in CA (some things I miss, some I don’t), and what I’ve gained by living in Iowa. And I also look at what I’ll lose by moving to WA (again, some things I’ll miss, some I won’t). I can’t wait to see what I’ll gain by living in WA. I look at people who have made their own lives miserable by choices they have made and realize that what we make out of life is really what we get out of it. I could spend my time lamenting what I don’t have (the list is long, just like everyone), or I could enjoy what I do have and work hard to get the things I want.

I have been accused of complaining about things a lot, and I can’t say that I’m not guilty of this. But the truth is that I really do enjoy the hand I have been dealt. And you know why? Cause I’m gonna make the most of this hand. Last night I played guitar for the first time in a long while. This is really sad. Here I have a beautiful guitar sitting in my room, the full capability to play it, and the love of music to enjoy it. And for a long time it just sat there. Ok, so I can’t play like some of my (former) roommates. But I enjoy guitar, and I shouldn’t let the fact that I’m mediocre at playing keep me from doing so. I’ll just let it keep me from playing in public :).

Sorry for the rather obvious revelation, but it helps me remember to stick to it if I broadcast it. Especially in the next few months, as they will probably bring me many new opportunities and directions to take my life. Its exciting to be at a point in my life where I can see God’s plans for me starting to unfold in such a tangible way.

And now I digress in the interest of hunting down some cake from the kitchen.

______ of the day: Know when to hold ‘em.
The Ogukuo

For every Monday there is a Friday

Ahhh Friday. Such a wonderful thing. The sun is shining, the temps are in the high 50s, and snow is disappearing. And I must add, Saturday, highs in the mid 60s, more sun, less snow. Is this not a beautiful thing?

There is a wonderful feeling one gets by having a clean car. Its a mixture of earned pride and a certain self-awareness that is not unlike wearing a new suit. You move extra smoothly, you walk a little taller. Indeed a wonderful feeling.

There is something not wonderful about dreaming of work. Its like never leaving the job. Why do these dreams always involve the worst-case scenerio? Why can I not dream about a good day at work?
*tips hat to Paul in knowing agreement on this issue*

The convergence of friends at a single place and time is truly an event to be savored and enjoyed. For it is these moments that make life, that you talk about in the future.

Camping. Ahhhh, the thought of camping. Summer. Need I say more?

Today is a day to make one breath deep, to try to take it all in and experiance beauty to the fullest. Indeed a good day.

Lets hope my work experience this afternoon leaves me feeling unaltered from my current state of optimism.

______ of the day: "Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooooh, oooooooh-aaa" - Space Dementia, Muse

The optimistic Ogukuo

Sing m-o-n-d-a-y s-u-c-k-s to the Mickey Mouse Club theme song...

So it's Monday. And that means that it was a snow day today. I'm pretty sure that 75% of the Mondays this winter have seen school either start 2 hours late or be cancelled altogether. And I don't recall a single snow day that hasn't been on a Monday. It's actually quite amazing. Granted, it's caused by the weather, so it's rather hard to justifiably complain. But, today is an exception. We did not get the call that school was cancelled until 8:15 am. School starts at 8:20!! We were literally 2 blocks from school! And so was everyone else! Ok, you cancel school cause its too dangerous to get in, right? But when everyone is there already, it doesn't make any sense! I am of the firm conviction that someone dropped the ball on this one.

In other news, I felt woefully out-brained last night. Over hookah and tea there was great discussion about subjects I didn't understand, using references to great thinkers I'd never heard of. So to make myself feel better I retired early and read some Kierkegaard. This, of course, didn't help, because it just confused me. He's a difficult read. Ok, I got some of it, but after slogging thru about 3 pages I gave up and tried to sleep. And then I slept not well. For a variety of reasons, primarily the very loud movie coming from upstairs around 2:30 am. And then I rolled over, it seemed like 2 minutes passed, and my alarm went off at 5:45 am. And then you can start reading the beginning of the blog, cause that's where it picks up.

Hmm, once again, a depressing blog. Set to a depressing black background. It's been recommended that I change this. I believe I will. When I figure out how.

_____ of the day: sanity is just ytinas spelled backwards

The gniog enasni Ogukuo

The pain in my neck reaches my stomach

So the non-awesomeness I experienced Tuesday night snuck up on me again last night. Same symptoms; stiff, sore neck, and a headache. Its mostly gone this morning. Not all the way, but mostly. But now its accompanied by hollow, heavy feeling in my stomach. I dunno what the deal is, but its not cool. I feel like I'm hanging on the brink of something, but I have no idea what. I guess it could be some sorta not-awesome illness, or maybe just the severe want for some time off from work, etc.
I feel like doing nothing, but I'm gonna force myself to clean up my room and see if some sort of accomplishment helps the feeling. Maybe I just want the feeling of appreciation. I know I would love it if someone did something for me, like cleaned my room, can I get that same feeling for doing it myself?

______ of the day: "Do you think that you could see your way to lay yourself down?" - Keane

The whatever Ogukuo

Enjoying the Small Things

-So whatever was causing me much non-awesomeness last night is past and gone. Thanks mostly to Excedrin and a certain Mark who painfully removed the pain from my neck. Wow, he's mean, but it totally worked, I feel all straightened out and not tied up at all!

-I must once again voice my distain for Tuesdays. They are still the odd day out for the week. There's rarely anything specifically bad about Tuesdays, they just tend to bring a general feeling of meh-ness.

-The city desperiately needs to either fill in the potholes in our alley or pay for new shocks on my car and cartilage in my spine.

-I have a real twinge to play golf soon. And catch, really want to play catch outside.

-Cutting up a nectarine and mixing it with Honey Bunches of Oats is a premium idea.

-I need new socks and t-shirts.

-The pasttime of reading has once again entered my real of existance.

-Hopefully photography does the same thing this weekend...

-Oranges from California stand as solid proof for God's existance.

-I think the most special things to me are small things that I enjoy beyond others comprehension. The things that "force" a smile onto my face that others just don't understand. I think love is seeing these things in another person and being able to provide and share those moments.

-If forced into a situation of losing either your sight or your hearing, which would you choose? I still don't know for myself.

______ of the day: I enjoy music. I wish I understood it more.

The seeing/hearing Ogukuo

Mystery Non-awesomeness

So I have a headache, my neck is really stiff and my lower back kinda hurts. For some reason these sound like the symptoms of Hepatitis. Of course, I'm self-diganosing from what I remember of a M*A*S*H episode. Perhaps not the best way of operating. Its most likely just the combination of sleeping wrong at some point, a semi-stressful (although admittedly not too bad) day at work, lack of hydration, and much lack of sleep.
My idea for solving this problem? Going to the Bean and not home to sleep as I probably should. But, I haven't been able to go Beaning in a long time, so I really want to. And I can sleep in tomorrow morning, a first for quite a few days.
I have this odd feeling that I have spelled many words wrong in this post. Yes, I looked up Hepatitis, and this is the only way I spelled that one right. I hate Scrabble.
_____ of the day: Maybe a nice patron of the Bean can releave my neck pain...
The tied up Ogukuo

Springtime for Iowa

I've already celebrated Spring blog-style, and now it seems like its kinda retracted itself. The warmer temps have kinda stuck around (thank goodness), but its often cloudy, kinda rainy, and somewhat windy. But hey, its a step in the right direction!

Things I've noticed recently:

-Working a "normal" 8 hour shift (even if it does start at 6:30 am) makes life much easier to face than working a split shift. I've had access to both sleep and free time! What a novel concept!

-A house is much easier to keep clean when there are fewer people living in it.

-Having an unclear direction in life kinda sucks.

-Getting birthday cards and packages is awesome, and spirit-lifting.

-I forgot how much mud accompanies the spring thaw. Seeing ground again is awesome, but stepping on it isn't so awesome.

-I find joy in making others happy.

-I rarely like spending time alone.

-Realizing what it is that you want in life makes it harder. Getting by day to day is easy, every day you eat, you meet your goal. Realizing that you want more means you need to actually do something about it and plan ahead. Hard to do when plans are up in the air.

-I think the near constant cloudiness is bringing me down.

-I never knew the extent to which anxiety can affect someone until I started my current job. Now I see it in myself alot. Probably more than what is healthy.

-Speaking of health, I had a physical last week. I believe the word the doctor used to describe my health was "outstanding". Well, before he saw my cholesterol scores :S. But they are border line, and summer is coming up, so real excersize is on the horizon.

-Moving furnerature around can really make a room look different.

-Every time I sleep at work I dream about work. Every single time. And its always bad scenerios.

-This blog is getting too long and paranoid.

_______ of the day: I want a 3 day weekend from life, not from work.

The needing-vacation Ogukuo

The Story of Us

Thats the movie I watched last night. I hated it, for the exact reasons I think I'm supposed to hate it. And for that, I liked it. Its a hard movie to watch, but I supposed that was well intentioned. I think the progression thru the movie really shows his turning off of emotion. He really does love her, and that never changes, but he needs to stop showing the love for his own sake. Sort of a self-preservation. And her monologue at the end of the movie shows that she finally realizes the love, and maybe she can reciprocate it.

But then the movie ends. That sucks. What happens? Do they actually do something about it, or just continue goin on like they were? Cause then there would be endless sequels to the movie, and they would never get anywhere. I guess the assumption is that she meets him in the love.

But there's no way of knowing. Cause its just a movie, right? And we never get to find out.

So thats a short review, maybe you disagree with me.

______ of the day: "Will you see me in the end, Or is it just a waste of time" - Hamburg Song, Keane

The 'say a word or two to brighten my day' Ogukuo

Burnt out and searching

I am burnt out. On everything. On work, on moving, on the lack of any normal sleep pattern, on no free time. I thought that a week away from work, and then a 3 day weekend this past weekend would help rejuvenate me and prepare me to return to work. I was wrong. The times away were great; I relaxed, and enjoyed myself, and really felt like I had a break. But coming back to work just brought me right back down, I no longer felt rested. I have to deal with the stress at work, and I don't get enough sleep between shifts, and I have no free time, no time to deprogram after work.

It makes me once again ask myself what it is that I want in life. Cause on paper, my life looks ok. I make enough money to get by, I pay off my loans and other obligations, and continue to live on. But I have no organization to my life, no way to fit in the things I really want to do. I haven't paid serious attention to photography in way too long, and alot of my household obligations keep getting shoved to the back burner. When I am sleep deprived and my two options are either sleep or organize my paperwork, I'm gonna take the sleep. And when my options are either organize paperwork or focus on a hobby, well, I know what I really need to do.

Part of me really does enjoy the work I do. Its engaging, almost always moving, and not monotonous. But its also very stressful, and I never really get time to destressify. If I could do this work on a normal, 8-hour daily shift, I could most likely handle it. But having no life in the evening, no normal schedule to base my life around. I can't commit to anything outside of work, because I have no constant free times.

I'm also burnt out on non work related stuff. Thinking about my plans for the future and choices I need to make is also quite stressful. They carry alot of weight, and I don't really feel like I'm in a good position to be making them right now. You know when you fold the four parts of a cardboard box to make it stay together? I feel like I'm trying to somehow do that with my life. All the parts need to fold together, but some parts I don't know about right now, and some parts I can't really even work on til I know about other parts. So, once again, I feel like I'm floating and can't find a good base for my life. I yearn for a solid anchor to pivot around.

_______ of the day: When you start to pick it apart, It gets so depressing

The burnt out Ogukuo

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I'm at work, and we have a 2 hour late start, I'm hoping it doesn't become a full snow day. That would be not awesome.
It's quiet around here. Dordt's out of session, and everyone is out of town. Almost everyone. I went skiing on Saturday with Dane. First time I'd gone in probably 5 years. It was fun. The skiing skills came back pretty quickly. While I wasn't too brave, I did hit some slopes I shouldn't have. Literally hit them. But, no major injuries, just general soreness and a constant attack of ibuprofen over the past few days. I very much want to go skiing again, but I'm guessing that'll wait til next season.
Yesterday marked the quarter century mark for my life. 25 years. Old. And since I fully intend to live to at least 100, I guess I've officially started my quarter life crisis. I would buy a convertable, but it would be impractical in Iowa. Then again, maybe impracticallity is the point. Meh, I'll wait til I'm 40 or 50.
All in all it was a pretty quiet birthday. Actually, a very typical Sunday. But without peoples around, there wasn't much to do. But thats ok, relaxing at home and talking to well-wishers on the phone was nice.
______ of the day: Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Heart
The 25-year-old Ogukuo

[ctrl+c and ctrl+v my last post]

Yes, indeed another beautiful day.

Snow is melting like an ice cream cone at the beach.

Green grass is very visible in our backyard.

Birds are singing the song of awesomeness.

Goosen are flying north in droves.

Blue skies are comin' my way! (until tomorrow, but I'll take it for now)

I saw 3 mature bald eagles and a young one sitting in a field today. Something about that is
awe-inspiring.

Sitting outside and reading a book is the foremost thought in my mind.

I feel alive again, as if my sense of beauty has been buried all winter, and is now re-emerging from the snow, much like the green grass.

Indeed, this is a foretaste of glory devine.

I have an incredable urge to garden!

Fresh, real oranges, one of the most beautiful fruits God created, are in my possesion, and being very thoughtfully enjoyed.

I'm done sitting in a dark, indoors basement. If you want me, I'll be outside enjoying Beauty.

______ of the day: California Dreamin'

The temporarily-happy-with-Iowa Ogukuo

Today is a :)

To quote my father, spring has sprung.

-We hit 50 today. It was sunny, melty, clear, warm, calm, down right heavenly.

-I bought and have read over 1/2 a book today. I suspect I will finish it tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning. This is huge for me. I've read more pages today than in the last 6 months combined I believe.

-I talked with a gentleman from Bellingham last night who sounded very enthusiastic about my coming out there, and sounded eager to help me with my job hunt. This was a huge morale boost and really made me believe that I am starting to find a direction in my career that is becoming more solid.

-I recieved a package from my parents today that contained assorted Easter and birthday treats. This also suited well as a morale booster :).

-Yesterday was the first time in ages that I could smell a dairy here in Iowa. It reminded me of Lynden, Ripon, and a Sioux Center that exists outside of winter. All of these are happy thoughts.

-Some of what has contributed to my recent negativity seems to be in the process of being worked out. This is highly wonderful.

-I don't need to be up before the sun tomorrow, always a happy thought :).

-Going to the bean is in my near future.

-I think I may be going skiing at Mankato this weekend. If I go, it'll be the first time in many years. I'm very excited and hope that I will not be showing up to work in a body cast next week.

-In the last 3 days I have watched 3 previously unviewed (by me) episodes of The Office, season 1. Paul recieves good gifts for his birthday.

-I was outside in short sleeves today and totally comfortable!

-I found out that some people are actually sticking around for part of spring break, this is also happy.

-Yes, today is indeed a :). And with Spring (rapidly?) approaching, I hope that the :) continues!

______ of the day: The thought of BBQ is coming much closer to reality in the near future...

The Springy Ogukuo

I had no idea what to blog about, so I just started writing...

So last night I was on the verge of going to bed at 11:30 because my life is just that exciting. But then Paul and company came over, and we went to WalMart and got stuffs to make cake, and did so to celebrate the anniversery Paul's entrance into this world. It was good times. The night before was celebrations of Andrew's birthday. Generally revelry and fun ensued both nights. Makes me really look forward to my birthday next weekend. Except not really, cause no one and there dog will be around. As of right now, the highlight of my birthday looks like it'll be a nap. Unless plans to go to Omaha pan out, but I'm not going to be optimistic about that, yet.

I could easily write an essay again about what I want to do, and careers and callings, etc etc, but I think I've done enough of that recently. Suffice to say, I'm considering teaching as a more real posibility, and this makes me very nervous and scared.

I was watching Survivorman last night, and was amazed by how much of a morale boost he got from finding some mini-shrimp to eat out in the jungle. But, I guess after not eating for four days, I would be pretty excited too. Makes me realize how easy I really have it. I mean, I have the day off tomorrow, and will certainly not be hunting for food, attempting to secure my hut against the elements, or warding off wild animals. More like hunting for something to do, securing groceries from the local store, and warding off the temptation to sit around and watch The Office all day.

Evidentally, we're supposed to experiance temps in the 40's and 50's this week. I should be excited about this, and I am. But I should be more excited about being excited. Sadly, being excited about temps in the 40's just seems so wrong to me. I want to be excited about temps the 60's, or 70's even. Ahhhhh, someday.

Thinking about the warmer temps and everything is making me want a BBQ something fierce. Not just the food, I mean the smell, and the outsideness, and the fun with friends, and the green grass, and the not snow.

And now its time to get back to reality and stop dreaming. At least for another month or so until there is a valid chance of BBQ weather.

______ of the day: A mild month of March means much merriness :)

The Marching Ogukuo

Of jelly-bellies and jobs

I wanted to expand a little on two points I made on my last post.

First off, jelly-bellies are amazing. I'm pretty sure I could spend the better part of an entire day experimenting with various combonations of flavors. Although, there are a few I could do without. There's something wrong with eating a tiny, chewy, sugary candy that tastes like popcorn. I dunno, I expect crunchy and dry with that taste, not chewy and sugary.

Second, I have thought alot more about what I said about job possiblities. After looking at various jobs, and working on my resume, etc., I've come to realize some things about myself. I still have no idea what particular line of work I want to go into, but I have a much better idea of what it is I want to do. I want to help people. I know, that sounds cliche, but I'm feeling called to it. I have no idea how yet, but almost every job I've looked at and considered involves working directly with people (teaching, admin counselor at a school, working with disabled people, etc.). I see my main areas of strengh to be working well with people, and enjoying multiple tasks throughout the day, instead of doing the same thing all day. And I'm beginning to realize that its these skills (among others) that I need to consider and base my job off of. As much as I enjoy design work, I see myself being much more useful in a different position.

One of the positions I looked at in Bellingham paid ~$36k a year. I consider this to be a pretty good wage, esp. compaired to what I'm making now. I was talking to my grandma about this, and she indicated that she thought I was worth twice that. I know that was the sweet, grandmotherly thing to say, but it got me thinking. To be honest, I was almost offended by her saying this. Is my value based on what I get paid for my job? I mean, I consider my job right now to be highly valued, but I certainly don't see it reflected in my paycheck. And on the other hand, I see people with relatively uninvolved jobs making $80k a year. Does that mean that they are more valuable than me? If I find a job that I feel I am very well suited for that only pays $20k a year, should I take it over a job where I am not as well utilized, but get paid alot more? I dunno, there are obvious advantages either way. And strong considerations both ways. I just don't want my worth to be completely wrapped up in my salary.

______ of the day: I dunno, I'm still trying to figure it out.

The searching Ogukuo

The Washington Blog

Greetings blogging friends, I'm rejoining your ranks! Sorry for my extended absence, over the past week I've had access to a computer only twice and each time was about 5 minutes long. It was actually really nice, I felt much less addicted to email, facebook, blogs, drudgereport, etc.

So, funness took the place of blogging over the last week, I think I'll do a list type thing to hit the highlights.

-randomly met a guy in the Sioux City airport who knew a guy I knew, and we had uber Dutch CRC connections, happened to have seats right next to eachother to Denver, and chatted the whole way. That was pretty awesome.

-Met up with Andrea and met her roommates, they are a hoot. Entertainment seems to abound at their apartment.

-Saw many new things such as: Andrea's classroom and school, Widbey Island, Mt. Baker (kind of), Bellingham (awesome city), Whatcom Falls, Birch Bay, Doris's Donuts, Bethal CRC (of Lynden), Bellingham URC, and the Whatcom County Chorale. And many many other points of interest around Lynden that are too numerous to list.

-I went to class with Andrea on Monday and Tuesday, and taught a 45 minute science class on renewable resources on Tuesday! That was fun, although rather chaotic.

-There's at least one Jr High girl with a crush on me. Why didn't that happen when I was in Jr High?? Back then it would have been cool, now its just, um, wierd? annoying? I dunno.

-Saw my grandparents who live about 40 minutes from Lynden. I hadn't been to their place in years, it was cool to see it again. My grandma managed to get in several jabs about my earrings, all of which were skillfully deflected :).

-It was wierd to have so many people I'd never met know so much about me.

-Having seen a new area, and scoped out some job ideas, I am once again firmly planted in having no idea what I want to do. New ideas coming to mind are teaching (gulp), continued work with disabled persons, and possibly college recruitment. Yes, back to that, but at a different school.

-Now that I'm back home, I feel kinda anchorless. The past few months I've been looking forward to this trip. Now that its over, I feel like its just back to work with nothing in the near future to look forward to. I'm sure thats a normal post-vacation feeling tho. And getting back into the swing of things will probably be a good thing.

- I've rekindled my love for jelly-bellies.

______ of the day: "Taken in context, its not a bad thing. But when you start to pick it apart, it gets so depressing" - The Perfect Ending, Straylight Run

The returning Ogukuo

The Perfect Ending

taken in context
it's not a bad thing
but when you start to pick it apart
it gets so depressing
it's that sort of thing
that makes you think too much
it's that sort of thing
that makes you lose your objectivity

so, if you made it
just be glad that you did and stay there
if you ever feel loved or needed
remember that you're one of the lucky ones
and if it's over
just remember what I told you
it was bound to happen
so, just keep moving on
there's no perfect endings

you peel back the layers
and get down to the inside
but sometimes you lose sight
of what it was you were trying to find
and it's that sort of thing
that makes you think too much
it's that sort of thing
that makes you lose your objectivity

so, if you made it
just be glad that you did and stay there
if you ever feel loved or needed
remember that you're one of the lucky ones
and if it's over
just remember what I told you
it was bound to happen
so, just keep moving on
there's no perfect endings
no pefect endings

Don't accept that whats happening is just a case of others suffering or you'll find that your joining in the turning away.

Last night I was talkin with my mom on the phone and she said she thinks I'm showing signs of s.a.d. I kinda wrote it off and didn't give it much consideration, but alot of the symptoms are simular to what I'm dealing with right now. Even on days off when I get enough sleep I feel tired, and its really hard to get out of bed. But then again, I've never been a morning person. I've lost interest in alot of my hobbies. But then again, its hard to practice photography when its zero degrees outside, and the lack of band action is more about busy schedules than loss of interest. I do feel more grumpy and anxious. But then again, I have a high stress job, I'm in a long distance relationship (getting harder by the day), and I'm facing major changes and uncertainty coming up in my life. I've gained weight. But then again, the lack of warm weather is not condusive to activities such as riding bike, walking, or playing tennis. Evidentally I was kinda the same way last year at this time (this is what I'm told, I'm not observant enough to remember).
So do I show signs of s.a.d., or is it just a matter of stress, up coming change and uncertainty, and crappy weather converging at the same spot? Or is that what makes one suffer from s.a.d.? Maybe its just been the lack of any real down time thats got me feeling this way. I don't mean days off, I mean like a vacation, time away from the norm. I get that next week, thank goodness :). I'm ready for the simple pleasure of being away from work and chores for a week.
Why is it that in a situation where I see courage in someone else, I see weakness in myself?
_______ of the day: It's not enough just to stand and stare.
The On the Turning Away Ogukuo

Today I…

-Saw a bald eagle. It was beautiful, bold, graceful. I'd never seen one around here before, I think it was a real treat.
-Played chess with one of my boys. First time I've played in a very long time. I miss the challenge, the intellectual stimulation.
-Did yoga. Kinda. Only a few poses, and not for very long. I didn't feel much from it afterwards, but I haven't really committed to it much, just getting a fell for the poses.
-Got up too early. Actually, I got up on time for work, but "on time" was too early. I'd love to be one of those people who gets up early every day and goes for a walk, does yoga, reads the paper, and has time to spare before work. Alas, my current situation does not allow for it. Perhaps when I get a more regular job. That probably won't make me a morning person tho.
-Worked a twelve hour day. It left me no free time today, but I guess having a four day work week can be nice.
-Mailed a letter. Not as fast and convenient as email, but much more fun to write!
-Took an hour long nap. This is huge for me, normally if I nap, it has to be at least 2 hours, or it's not worth it. An hour was nice, enough time to be rested, but didn't take up all my time at home.
-Saw pheasants in the backyard at work. It was awesome to see them up close without them running away. Dumb birds, but pretty.
-Bought pop tarts for work. It will make my Friday morning much smoother.
-Switched from a Sunday morning shift to a Sunday afternoon shift. I'm looking forward to sleeping in and going to church.
-Made a list of things to get done tomorrow, my day off.
-Received an unexpected check from work, yay!
-Realized that even boring Tuesdays seem much better when you take the time to think about what you've actually gotten done.
______ of the day: All the small things...
The hungry Ogukuo

Find the humor in everything

I realized tonight that I'm outside the circle. I'm no longer part of the group, more like an outside observer. This, I'm sure, has been happening slowly but surely over the past 2 years, but tonight is the night I realized it. Overall, I was a general tagalong on events, but one comment kinda brought it home. After I made some stupid comment or mistake (probably a vailed attempt at humor, I don't remember), someone said "You're the oldest one here." I shrugged it off, and made another attempt at humor, but it kinda brought the point home. I'm definently at least a year older than most of the people I hang out with, more like 2-4 years for alot of them. I'd been trying to deny this fact for a while and just pretend I'm still a college kid, but I'm starting to give up on that.
I guess I'm kinda sad to see those good times end, but at the same time, I'm ready to move on. I thought the thing I'd miss most about college was the general relaxed nature and fun times, but I'm starting to see that its the discussion and conversation and learning that I'm missing more. And, to be honest, the whole idea of parties is really starting to not be as fun anymore. I'm enjoying more the times with just a few friends and a good movie, or discussion.
I think this is a good thing, as I'll be leaving the whole college scene behind in a few more months. I keep telling myself that fun times lie ahead for me, but not knowing what they are, or who I'll be spending time with is making it difficult to accept it. But, nonetheless, I know they are coming, and I look forward to figuring out what they will be.
Wow, now I feel like I'm making a crappy speech at a high school graduation, and thats always a sign to just stop, so thats what I'm gonna do.
______ of the day: find the humor in everything
The on, moving on Ogukuo

List blog!! Weeeeee!!!

-I had a dream about a family gathering at a cabin in the mountains last night. It was happy. Except my mom was freaking out about going to visit my Grandparents for some reason. Yeah, it didn't make sense in my dream either.

-I like Neon Bible alot. Alot. As in desert island with only one album alot.

-Hmm, maybe I'd need Dark Side of the Moon as well...

-Robin Williams shall never ever be cast as James Bond.

-Despite popular opinion leaning the opposite direction, I still prefer Sioux Falls to Sioux City.

-3 day weekends are pretty much the best thing ever.

-Eating healthy has been faultering recently... I shall try to change this.

-I used the word "renege" in my daily assessment writing yesterday, I am proud of this.

-I want to learn more about electricity.

-I completed my taxes without the assitance of a tax guy. Hopefully I did everything right and I don't have Feds hunting me down any time soon.

-I think I've liked every movie I've seen Dustin Hoffman in.

-I have a real hankering to do some winetasting.

-I enjoy argyle socks.

-The word argyle makes me think of gargoyles.

-A gargoyle wearing argyle could quite possibly be the coolest thing ever.

-Today is dedicated to doing not much. Some piano playing and perhaps some mad bass shredding shall happen.

-I hate dry winters, my skin is not soft, smooth, and itch free.

_______ of the day: argyle gargoyle

The itchy-yet-enjoying-time-off Ogukuo

Yeah, its true, no matter where you go

So I'm to the point of burn out with work. I used to look forward to going in, now I kinda dread it. Not because I hate the job, but because I'm just worn out from it. Not getting sleep because of work, and not being able to have a social life really don't help. And lately, it seems like everyday is just another constant battle. I've gotten to the point of feeling like its just not worth it anymore. I need some serious down time. I can totally see why social work has a very high rate of smokers.
Part of me just wants to quit and dedicate my time to figuring out what the next 6 months holds for me, but that isn't exactly possible. Plus I know they need the help at work, so I can't just up and quit. Ack, its a good thing I have a three day weekend coming up, I very much need the down time.
______ of the day: You can mark my words, somethings about to break.
The burnt out Ogukuo

So here's the deal...

I'm once again working on (and therefore blogging about) the job hunt. I am confident in myself. I know that I am a good employee (if you doubt me, look at my resume). The problem is, I'm not looking for farm work, an engineering position, an upper management position, or a receptionist/secretary position. And oddly enough, almost every single job listing online for the Lynden/Bellingham area is one of those jobs.

I was hoping to mail out about a dozen resumes this week, and so far I've found 2 solid places where I feel I want to apply. Neither is hiring as far as I know, so its more or less just a shot in the dark. I've found a few more places that are hiring, but are out of my area of expertise, or aren't exactly what I desire to do. Sadly, they are probably getting moved from the 'maybe' file to the 'need to' file.
I don't feel like I'm being picky, but I know I have qualities and interests that would make me awesome for a job in ______. There are alot of jobs that could fill that blank, I just can't seem to find any. I literally cannot find places to apply. I'm over qualified for nearly half the jobs, under qualified for nearly half the jobs, and can't seem to find the small sliver that this scenerio leaves for me.
When talking to people about this, there seems to be an attitude of 'you should lower your standards to find work'. This pisses me off. Not because I would mind driving a bus or working in sales (short term), but the jobs I would 'lower my standards' for would not use my talents. I'm good at something, and its not pushing an extended warranty.
I'm also almost 25 and need to start considering something a bit more long term. I don't mean that I need a job where I can settle into the same desk for the next 40 years, but I want something that will offer me some real experiance, and preferably some sort of point in a general career direction.
I have a degree in an area I'm not really interested in, and everything I can find requires "1-5 years experiance". I gotta start somewhere. I would be great at alot of jobs, but I simply don't know how to get into them.
Well, I'm off to tweek my resume a slight bit and post it on job sites. How do I write an objective for a job I don't know about?
_____ of the day: If I were an engineer or wanted to work in retail the rest of my life I'd be set.
The future unemployed Ogukuo

I blog, do you?

So far my 3 day weekend is off to a rip roaring start!! I've bought two new toothbrushes, called my credit card company cause I couldn't remember my username for my account, and found out that I get to work this afternoon! Yay! Its cool tho, it means some overtime and a good excuse to not do the dishes. And theres some things I need to do at work anyway. Plus I only work 1 day between now and next Thursday anyway, so its not like I don't have time to get things done. Its odd, I'm more ok with working today because I was called in instead of scheduled. Just looking forward to having today off before finding out I would work was refreshing.
Job hunting stuff is going well (at least in my opinion). I've "finished" my resume and have a few letters of inquiry written. At this point I'm just waiting to hear back from people about what they think of the resume, etc, and whether I should change anything. The best part of the whole deal is that I figure I'd better buy a new shirt, tie, etc for any possible interviews. And of course, this means a good excuse for a trip to Sioux Falls! Thought about goin today, but working this afternoon kinda trumped that idea. Perhaps tomorrow. Anyone wanna come along? I don't think I've ever made a trip to Sioux Falls alone, my only worry is I'll stop at too many places I like and spend way too much money. Stupid materialism. Maybe I'll try a trip solo tomorrow and see if I can restrain myself...
______ of the day: Walmart has "fresh" fillet salmon, yay.
The weekend? Ogukuo

I don't know why, but I know I can't stay

I was attacked by a flying saucer yesterday afternoon. I have the bumps on my head to prove it. At first the people in the ER didn't believe me and looked at me funny, but then I explained and they got it.
I think the shot to the head jarred something loose, I've been a little out of it since then. And all this anxiety over the job situation is becoming clearer, I think. Its not the search thats so much scary, as it is the thought of actually getting a job, and being commited to it. Not so much scary, as a daunting task I guess. But one I'm gradually becoming more comfortable taking on.
Ever felt alone in a crowded room? Of course you have, everyone has at some point or another, dumb question, nevermind.
Random ambiguous blog comment that no one really understands.
Explanation of previous comment explaining that no one will really understand it.
I like Neon Bible. and Oh, Inverted World. And the neat songs on Juno. And Hopes and Fears. And the Blue Album.
I calculated what my tax return should be from last year. It makes me smile.
I've noticed that I have a few different styles of handwritting. One even I can't read. Another looks really cool, I think.
When I started this blog I'm pretty sure I had one particular subject I was gonna drone on about, but I forgot it and wrote a few one liners instead. It was fun.
______ of the day: What a long and strange journey its been.
The swell-headed Ogukuo

Iowa weather is ADD

Thanks to all those who contributed job ideas, right now burning monkeys is near the top of the list.

For the past few weeks we haven’t gotten above 15 degrees. A lot of days weren’t above 5. Tomorrow and Monday are both supposed to be in the low 40s. And then Tuesday is supposed to be a high of 9. Yikes.

Resume work seems to be on the downward slope, its starting to look somewhat real and near completion. I guess that means its time to start the harder, more abstract portion of the job hunt. Working on the resume is relatively easy, I can see what I’m doing, and what needs to be done. Now I need to focus more on contacting places and getting my name out there. That’s a bit more of an abstract process. Should prove to be interesting. So far I’ve narrowed it down to four types of jobs I want to look into (besides those suggested by you, the reading public): architectural design work, banking, working at a winery, and a job working with kids in some facet. Kinda a varied selection, all seem interesting and challenging. Now it’s a matter of looking at these jobs and whether any of them is a possibility.

I am trying to keep up with the healthy eating thing, but its been difficult the last week or so. Mostly for reasons of time, and lack of variety of food. I’ve found some really simple, really awesome meals to make, but I’ve only found a few of them, and repetition is making things boring. It would probably be simpler if I were making food for more than one, but single serving recipes usually don’t fall into the healthy category. Surprisingly, the list of foods I consider good is growing to include spinach, garbanzo beans, fish, and asparagus. These are 4 things I would have considered untouchable in the past. Now I enjoy them, especially asparagus. And I just received a box of real oranges from California, so that has been a super neat treat.

______ of the day: My life needs a little salt and pepper. And some sleep.

The posting Ogukuo

Be My Escape

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so

You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate

This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption

because I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here

I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I gotta get outta here

And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now

Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how

He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving

I admit that I’m every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise

I’m going becauseI gotta get outta here

Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something

I can’t shakeI gotta get outta here

And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity

Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made

And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me

But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here

I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I’ve gotta get outta here

And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long

I should have let You in

Oh how we regret those things we do

And all I was trying to do was save my own skin

But so were You

So were You

I'm just an ordinary guy, and all I want is to be loved

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Any suggestions?

The lost Ogukuo

You, fly over there

I spent a sizable amount of time today looking at websites offering advice on resume building, interviews, career shifts, etc. Although I feel a bit more well versed in the various facets of this whole process, I don't feel any less scared of it. I also confused myself quite a bit by looking at some lists of interesting jobs that one wouldn't normally consider for employment. There weren't any in particular that jumped out at me (except one, I'll get to that in a minute), but it made me realize that theres alot more job choices out there that I realized. It makes me question my plan of seeking an office desk job. Yes, I would enjoy design work, but sitting at a desk all day every day would kinda drive me batty I think. The one job on the list of abnormal jobs that really stuck out at me was air traffic controller. The first thing I thought when I saw this was "who says 'I wanna be an air traffic controller when I grow up!'?". I mean, really, people want to be pilots, teenagers get stuck lugging bags around and working at airport crap stores, and I would assume that business majors work behind the airline counters and get yelled at all day. But air traffic controller? That one seems to be kinda out of left field. I fell off my chair when I saw the wages tho, median compensation is $117, 240 a year. Thats median!! It listed wages as high at $145,000 a year! I thought that was ridiculous, but it is a federal job, so that kinda makes sense. At this point I was quite intrigued and read a little more into the job, and I guess its pretty hard to get into the field. Training here, more training there, multiple years of on the job training, and a list of positions to move thru thats extremely long. Don't get the idea I've completely changed my career goal over the last 12 hours, but the job definitely piqued my interest.
And now I'm done.
_______ of the day: Just what does 'fair compensation' mean?
The still-searching Ogukuo

I complain, you get bored

I've fallen into the January blahs. For the past few months I've gotten used to living from one exciting event to another, and now thats all over and I'm left with just work. The next big thing I get to look forward to is going to Washington at the end of February. I don't even get a full day off from work for another week.
I'm also sorta entering job search mode. As most people know, this is horrorfying. I hate job searches, its a whole lot of building myself up, dressing up, doing interviews, getting turned down, perhaps finding something I want, and then it gets hard. Then I gotta learn how to do a new job, figure out if I'm good at it, and figure out if I like it. I also gotta completely switch from one sorta work to another. Chances are the next job I get will be an office job, which means I'll be sitting in front of a computer most of the day. Hopefully I'll like the work I'll be doing, but either way, that kinda setting can get boring. And all of that job stuff adds to the January blahs, cause I know its gonna be a whole lotta work. And I know I may go thru all of this work of finding a job and end up in one I'm not particularly good at or like.
So that is that, and now I'm very hungry and I think I'm gonna make a nice frosted mini wheats, banana, and granola mixture. If you haven't tried doing this, you should, its awesome.
_______ of the day: some toast would be nice too.
The hungry Ogukuo

Door knobs and taxes

Wow, its 2008. Thats something that didn't strike me until sometime late on December 31, 2007. Yes, I knew it was New Years, and was planning on a "party", but the fact that it was going to be 2008 just somehow didn't hit home. But, I have now written out a few checks and am secure in the fact that it is indeed 2008. I'm sure I will be even more aware of this as tax forms start rolling in for the close of 2007. I have decided I don't like taxes. Not so much the fact that I have to pay them, thats inevitable. But the fact that I need to fill out much paper work and prove this, that, and the next thing. I have a tough enough time remembering when payday is much less where it all goes.
In happier news, our house now has a fully functioning door knob on the front door!! This may seem like a simple luxary, mostly cause it is. Its now a simple luxary we can claim :). Also jerry-rigged a new light switch in our kitchen. Evidentally we have the only house ever built with this very messed up style of wiring, so getting any switches is impossible. Thru a bit of trial and error, leading to much amusement and frustration, we now have a low voltage momentary contact switch that closely resembles a missle launch button. But, amazingly, it does the job and does not interfer with the rest of the lights in the house.
I have decided that watching HGTV makes me operate in a mindset that is entirely outside my price range. This is highly disappointing. I yearn for the day when I have a house of my own to work on. Of course, I say this now, once I have one I'll probably hate being tied to it.
I've run out of blog topics I want to write about, so I'll stop.
______ of the day: Muse has a song called Fillip, that is funny.
The unworded Ogukuo