22 October 2006

Half of the time we're goin, but we don't know where

So, what to say. I wish I were eloquent with words (or could at least spell them correctly, and don't correct me, I don't care). I love music. I love listening to it, learning about it and the people who make it and would love nothing more than to be able to express myself thru it. And I do somewhat with OJK, but I also wish I were able to play guitar and piano well, and most of all I wish I could write. I listen to people like S&G or Dylan or Cash and I hear how increadably simple their lyrics are, but yet still how deep. Right now I'm listening to a studio cut of S&G's 'A Poem on the Underground Wall' and I'm blown away. I mean, its a song about a kid grafitti-ing, but yet its written in such a beautiful way. And music is so powerful, too. My computer just randomly shuffled to the song ' 7 O'clock News/Silent Night'. It is the best example I can think of for a dicodamy, or whatever. I mean, the whole song is S&G singing a beautiful peaceful rendetion of Silent Night over a reading of the evening news. The news is filled with reports of celebrity drug overdoses, war, racism, politicalism, and other horrible things that seemingly (sadly) define our world in present times. The song is such a beautiful (truthful) picture of what we have blasted at us everyday, and the simple (but not really) knowledge we have of our salvation thru Christ. It seems that the evening news overtakes that fact, but in reality, like in the song, it is always there, always a part. I dunno, not only can I not write meaningful songs, I can barely write about ones that have been written.
I'm now listening to A Hundred Highways. Its Johnny Cash's last record (?). It sure sounds like the final bookend to a musical career spanning, what, 50 years?. It's probably one of the saddest album I've ever heard, but its such a painful saddness, theres also that feeling of extreme peace in it. The feeling I get when I listen to this album is that same feeling you have at a funeral for someone you have loved very much. That feeling of being wrenched to the point of not even being able to function, you can't even believe theres a tomorrow, but somehow, by no earthly power, that feeling also brings a wonderfully deep peace. Its the same peace that is found in Silent Night. That awe-inspiring, all-incompassing, way beyond anything I'll ever be able to understand fully on this earth peace from God. "And I came to believe in a power much higher than I/I came to believe that I needed help to get by."
I guess thats what I love about music, its ability to create such deep human connection between those who are sharing it. I wish I had the gift to be able to create that connection.
I hope you take something out of this post, I mean, its not eloquent writing, and probably not clear most of the time, but I mean it all.
_______ of the day: Heroes often fail
The Sunday'd Ogukuo

19 October 2006

The Time Has Come

Well, no more waiting to know....... :(

14 October 2006

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

Thanks to Ben Folds for the catchy title, except I'm not Reinhold Messner, since I'm writting this myself its an autobiography, and is there any possible way that an autobiography can be unauthorized?
So heres what I'm facin': three felonies, six years of probation. Oh wait, I'm not Eminem either.
Ever heard him actually sing? Not rap, but sing, hes got a pretty good voice. In my opinion. Of course, those who are self-rightious and hate Eminem because people like his music would disagree based on the fact that he sucks because they don't like them, and they don't like him because he sucks. And somewheres in that perpetual motion machine is the factor that his music is popular, thus cannot be good. I love circular logic!! How about you?
So heres what I'm really facing: Out of 12 people or so who applied, me and one other person were granted the chance for an interview. These both happened this past week. Mine went well, I can't speak for the other person. I was hoping for a decision by yesterday, but I guess both of us are very close in qualifications, so now they are gonna be calling our references, and I won't hear until next week. I just found out who my compitition is, too. I consider her to be quite qualified, and would be a good person for the job. Which, of course, has me more worried than not knowin who I was runnin against.
So I spent the first part of this week prepairing for the interview, everything from reading material, mental prep, gettin clothes ready, lots of worrying and praying, etc. And then there was the interview itself. It went well, I think. But, it was a 4 1/2 hour marithon, very tiring. But, I feel confident that I did well. It pretty much shot Wednesday, I was tired that night. And the past few days have been spent wondering how the other person did, and waiting to find out a decision yesterday. Which didn't come down yesterday, cause they need more time to decide. I guess thats better than a 'no compitition, its not Philip' decision, or the other way around, but now I have like 4 more days of waiting, which is quite difficult. Considering how important the decision will be on affecting my life. But, I'm also finding a certain amount of peace about the whole ordeal. I mean, I know whats gonna happen to a certain extent. Either I get the job, or I dont, that simple. If I get it, I'm excited, and I look forward to a job that I think I'll enjoy quite a bit. If I don't get it, I continue looking for something else. Probably not something as important as this job, but something more along the lines of getting me a paycheck to get by. I should say something to get me by til the band thing kicks in. (heres your cue to roll your eyes, oh ye unbelievers) And I bid the adieu to go find some food or something.
________ of the day: I finally saw Fight Club
The Waiting Ogukuo

09 October 2006

I Hate Mondays

I quote Puss in Boots from Shrek 2. I once again feel crappy (but, then again, when don't I when I'm posting, right?). Today wasn't even that bad for the most part, but I'm still in a down mood. Its amazing how one stupid little thing will ruin an entire day like that. I had the day off cause it was raining this morning, so I didn't go in, then I got distracted with other stuff I needed to do, so I just never went in once it stopped raining. Which is probably for the better, cause we did have a pretty soaking rain, so I probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I can't wait for my parents to be out here. I feel like I've been hanging in mid-air for the past 5 months with no real foundation to my life. Hopefully spending time with the family again will re-establish some sense of grounding. As much as I like the free-wheelin' spirit of bein single and living with a bunch of guys with no real connections to anything, I really would like to have some sort of tie down. Thats what I miss most about living at home, I really don't have any sort of structure to my life outside of a work sch. Theres really no one I can count on to always be there like I could with my family. I know I've gotta work on my personal relationship with God, that'll probably help alot. And, I know its cliche, and everyone says it, but I'd really like to find a girl. I mean, com'n, I'm 23, I've been tryin to play the game for what, 8 years or whatever now? I feel like I'll never get off the bench, much less that I'll get a chance to ever get out on the playing field. Part of me wants to be a more agressive player, but then the rest of me says, duh, you'll never do that. Which is so fricken frustrating, cause its getting me nowhere, which is really not where I want to be. I'm ready to give up on the game, but I know thats not possible, and even if it were, I'd never be able to do it anyway.
So, off I go to bed all lost and frustrated to wake up tomorrow and go to work and sit and be frustrated there for 9 hours. Yippee.
_______: Maybe I should give up all reservations and really go get the shit kicked out of me by love instead of just quoting it from the movie all the time.
The Tired Ogukuo