Since I'm on the topic

Sooooo, heres another blog thats all masked and cryptic, but basically comes down to girls and the future, like every other blog.
Once again, like I did about 6 months ago, I'm starting a new job with high hopes and asperations, blah blah blah. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread, its what I want to do, I'm gonna love it. Except not. I mean, basically, I'll have about 2 hours of cleaning, and then 6 hours of break time with intermentant bed checks to make sure everything is cool. Sparing the fine details, thats my job description. So, like the lowlight of my previous (er, still current at this point) job, I will basically be working by myself. Now, granted, I'll be able to read, watch tv, surf the web, make shadow puppets, whatever while working, I still am basically lacking human interaction. Except, of course, unless one of the residents gets up in the middle of the night. But then the only connection I have is being a meany and telling them to go back to bed.
And do I wanna do this job long term? No. I'm still in that boat, too. And its sinking. I honestly have no idea where I will/want to be in 10 years. Shoot, 2 years for that matter. By that time all my Dordt friends will have graduated, and I will probably be even more sick of Sioux Center than I am now. So, then what? I stay? I move back to Ripon? I move somewhere with no base? I'm frustrated because I don't know which direction. And there are so many way to finish that sentance.... which direction God wants me to go, which direction I want to go, which direction I "should" go, which direction would be financially best for me, etc etc. And why do I have to figure it out now? Well, I should start figuring it, I'm graduated from college, I have the piece of paper telling people that I jumped thru the hoops to be able to tack B.A. to my name. This, of course, means I should be able to find a real job, not just hop from one hourly job to another. Of course, its also appealing to live in an unfinished basement with no real commitment or responsibility. But that also means no real base either. No one I know will be there who I can come home from work to every day, and who would move with me wherever I/we happen to move to.
I think what I need is a little less of people giving me wonderful/useless/annoying suggestions for what I should do in the career/girl/living situation category and a little more interaction with God and the following of his lead. Cause right now, I'm not sure where Hes leading me, but I think that means that He has something for me, its just a matter of His timing of showing me what it is.
I know I don't really want to be to this point in my life, but I get the feeling I'm gonna be ready to kinda settle down into something resembling real life here in the next few years, the only thing thats missing is maturity on my part, a career, home, and a girl. It kinda seems like those 4 things go together like folding the 4 flaps of an open box together to make a closed top. All 4 are needed to make it work, and they all kinda need to happen at the same time for it to actually work. I know, you don't think that I need any of the other 3 to make any particular 1 work, and good for you. You get a sarcastic pat on the head cause I dont care. Yup, I'm to that point, I don't even care what anyone has to say about it anymore. Go ahead and tell me "hey, shes out there somewhere" or "congrats on the new job! maybe this is where God is leading you" or "saving up for a house?" I'm living weekend to weekend right now, and sooner or later its gonna run thin and break. I don't even know anymore where I was trying to go with this, except that I dont know where I am goin, or who I'm goin there with, or when any of it is happening, or if it is happening, or how I'm even gonna know when it happens. When I was younger I always pictured myself looking back on my younger life and saying "yup, I was confused about everything then, but now I at least have a few things figured out". I was hoping to have at leave one thing (pick it, anything) figured out by now, and I dont. I'm still just as confused as I was when I was 17.
Ok, its way too late, I've gotta go to bed, otherwise I'd keep writing non-sensical nothings. I'm sorry if you read this whole thing, cause its disjointed and probably boring, and still doesn't really even say anything about what I'm feeling. So if you were looking for insight, sorry, you didn't find it here.
_______ of the day: _______
The still Ogukuo