The Perfect Ending

taken in context
it's not a bad thing
but when you start to pick it apart
it gets so depressing
it's that sort of thing
that makes you think too much
it's that sort of thing
that makes you lose your objectivity

so, if you made it
just be glad that you did and stay there
if you ever feel loved or needed
remember that you're one of the lucky ones
and if it's over
just remember what I told you
it was bound to happen
so, just keep moving on
there's no perfect endings

you peel back the layers
and get down to the inside
but sometimes you lose sight
of what it was you were trying to find
and it's that sort of thing
that makes you think too much
it's that sort of thing
that makes you lose your objectivity

so, if you made it
just be glad that you did and stay there
if you ever feel loved or needed
remember that you're one of the lucky ones
and if it's over
just remember what I told you
it was bound to happen
so, just keep moving on
there's no perfect endings
no pefect endings

Don't accept that whats happening is just a case of others suffering or you'll find that your joining in the turning away.

Last night I was talkin with my mom on the phone and she said she thinks I'm showing signs of s.a.d. I kinda wrote it off and didn't give it much consideration, but alot of the symptoms are simular to what I'm dealing with right now. Even on days off when I get enough sleep I feel tired, and its really hard to get out of bed. But then again, I've never been a morning person. I've lost interest in alot of my hobbies. But then again, its hard to practice photography when its zero degrees outside, and the lack of band action is more about busy schedules than loss of interest. I do feel more grumpy and anxious. But then again, I have a high stress job, I'm in a long distance relationship (getting harder by the day), and I'm facing major changes and uncertainty coming up in my life. I've gained weight. But then again, the lack of warm weather is not condusive to activities such as riding bike, walking, or playing tennis. Evidentally I was kinda the same way last year at this time (this is what I'm told, I'm not observant enough to remember).
So do I show signs of s.a.d., or is it just a matter of stress, up coming change and uncertainty, and crappy weather converging at the same spot? Or is that what makes one suffer from s.a.d.? Maybe its just been the lack of any real down time thats got me feeling this way. I don't mean days off, I mean like a vacation, time away from the norm. I get that next week, thank goodness :). I'm ready for the simple pleasure of being away from work and chores for a week.
Why is it that in a situation where I see courage in someone else, I see weakness in myself?
_______ of the day: It's not enough just to stand and stare.
The On the Turning Away Ogukuo

Today I…

-Saw a bald eagle. It was beautiful, bold, graceful. I'd never seen one around here before, I think it was a real treat.
-Played chess with one of my boys. First time I've played in a very long time. I miss the challenge, the intellectual stimulation.
-Did yoga. Kinda. Only a few poses, and not for very long. I didn't feel much from it afterwards, but I haven't really committed to it much, just getting a fell for the poses.
-Got up too early. Actually, I got up on time for work, but "on time" was too early. I'd love to be one of those people who gets up early every day and goes for a walk, does yoga, reads the paper, and has time to spare before work. Alas, my current situation does not allow for it. Perhaps when I get a more regular job. That probably won't make me a morning person tho.
-Worked a twelve hour day. It left me no free time today, but I guess having a four day work week can be nice.
-Mailed a letter. Not as fast and convenient as email, but much more fun to write!
-Took an hour long nap. This is huge for me, normally if I nap, it has to be at least 2 hours, or it's not worth it. An hour was nice, enough time to be rested, but didn't take up all my time at home.
-Saw pheasants in the backyard at work. It was awesome to see them up close without them running away. Dumb birds, but pretty.
-Bought pop tarts for work. It will make my Friday morning much smoother.
-Switched from a Sunday morning shift to a Sunday afternoon shift. I'm looking forward to sleeping in and going to church.
-Made a list of things to get done tomorrow, my day off.
-Received an unexpected check from work, yay!
-Realized that even boring Tuesdays seem much better when you take the time to think about what you've actually gotten done.
______ of the day: All the small things...
The hungry Ogukuo

Find the humor in everything

I realized tonight that I'm outside the circle. I'm no longer part of the group, more like an outside observer. This, I'm sure, has been happening slowly but surely over the past 2 years, but tonight is the night I realized it. Overall, I was a general tagalong on events, but one comment kinda brought it home. After I made some stupid comment or mistake (probably a vailed attempt at humor, I don't remember), someone said "You're the oldest one here." I shrugged it off, and made another attempt at humor, but it kinda brought the point home. I'm definently at least a year older than most of the people I hang out with, more like 2-4 years for alot of them. I'd been trying to deny this fact for a while and just pretend I'm still a college kid, but I'm starting to give up on that.
I guess I'm kinda sad to see those good times end, but at the same time, I'm ready to move on. I thought the thing I'd miss most about college was the general relaxed nature and fun times, but I'm starting to see that its the discussion and conversation and learning that I'm missing more. And, to be honest, the whole idea of parties is really starting to not be as fun anymore. I'm enjoying more the times with just a few friends and a good movie, or discussion.
I think this is a good thing, as I'll be leaving the whole college scene behind in a few more months. I keep telling myself that fun times lie ahead for me, but not knowing what they are, or who I'll be spending time with is making it difficult to accept it. But, nonetheless, I know they are coming, and I look forward to figuring out what they will be.
Wow, now I feel like I'm making a crappy speech at a high school graduation, and thats always a sign to just stop, so thats what I'm gonna do.
______ of the day: find the humor in everything
The on, moving on Ogukuo

List blog!! Weeeeee!!!

-I had a dream about a family gathering at a cabin in the mountains last night. It was happy. Except my mom was freaking out about going to visit my Grandparents for some reason. Yeah, it didn't make sense in my dream either.

-I like Neon Bible alot. Alot. As in desert island with only one album alot.

-Hmm, maybe I'd need Dark Side of the Moon as well...

-Robin Williams shall never ever be cast as James Bond.

-Despite popular opinion leaning the opposite direction, I still prefer Sioux Falls to Sioux City.

-3 day weekends are pretty much the best thing ever.

-Eating healthy has been faultering recently... I shall try to change this.

-I used the word "renege" in my daily assessment writing yesterday, I am proud of this.

-I want to learn more about electricity.

-I completed my taxes without the assitance of a tax guy. Hopefully I did everything right and I don't have Feds hunting me down any time soon.

-I think I've liked every movie I've seen Dustin Hoffman in.

-I have a real hankering to do some winetasting.

-I enjoy argyle socks.

-The word argyle makes me think of gargoyles.

-A gargoyle wearing argyle could quite possibly be the coolest thing ever.

-Today is dedicated to doing not much. Some piano playing and perhaps some mad bass shredding shall happen.

-I hate dry winters, my skin is not soft, smooth, and itch free.

_______ of the day: argyle gargoyle

The itchy-yet-enjoying-time-off Ogukuo

Yeah, its true, no matter where you go

So I'm to the point of burn out with work. I used to look forward to going in, now I kinda dread it. Not because I hate the job, but because I'm just worn out from it. Not getting sleep because of work, and not being able to have a social life really don't help. And lately, it seems like everyday is just another constant battle. I've gotten to the point of feeling like its just not worth it anymore. I need some serious down time. I can totally see why social work has a very high rate of smokers.
Part of me just wants to quit and dedicate my time to figuring out what the next 6 months holds for me, but that isn't exactly possible. Plus I know they need the help at work, so I can't just up and quit. Ack, its a good thing I have a three day weekend coming up, I very much need the down time.
______ of the day: You can mark my words, somethings about to break.
The burnt out Ogukuo

So here's the deal...

I'm once again working on (and therefore blogging about) the job hunt. I am confident in myself. I know that I am a good employee (if you doubt me, look at my resume). The problem is, I'm not looking for farm work, an engineering position, an upper management position, or a receptionist/secretary position. And oddly enough, almost every single job listing online for the Lynden/Bellingham area is one of those jobs.

I was hoping to mail out about a dozen resumes this week, and so far I've found 2 solid places where I feel I want to apply. Neither is hiring as far as I know, so its more or less just a shot in the dark. I've found a few more places that are hiring, but are out of my area of expertise, or aren't exactly what I desire to do. Sadly, they are probably getting moved from the 'maybe' file to the 'need to' file.
I don't feel like I'm being picky, but I know I have qualities and interests that would make me awesome for a job in ______. There are alot of jobs that could fill that blank, I just can't seem to find any. I literally cannot find places to apply. I'm over qualified for nearly half the jobs, under qualified for nearly half the jobs, and can't seem to find the small sliver that this scenerio leaves for me.
When talking to people about this, there seems to be an attitude of 'you should lower your standards to find work'. This pisses me off. Not because I would mind driving a bus or working in sales (short term), but the jobs I would 'lower my standards' for would not use my talents. I'm good at something, and its not pushing an extended warranty.
I'm also almost 25 and need to start considering something a bit more long term. I don't mean that I need a job where I can settle into the same desk for the next 40 years, but I want something that will offer me some real experiance, and preferably some sort of point in a general career direction.
I have a degree in an area I'm not really interested in, and everything I can find requires "1-5 years experiance". I gotta start somewhere. I would be great at alot of jobs, but I simply don't know how to get into them.
Well, I'm off to tweek my resume a slight bit and post it on job sites. How do I write an objective for a job I don't know about?
_____ of the day: If I were an engineer or wanted to work in retail the rest of my life I'd be set.
The future unemployed Ogukuo

I blog, do you?

So far my 3 day weekend is off to a rip roaring start!! I've bought two new toothbrushes, called my credit card company cause I couldn't remember my username for my account, and found out that I get to work this afternoon! Yay! Its cool tho, it means some overtime and a good excuse to not do the dishes. And theres some things I need to do at work anyway. Plus I only work 1 day between now and next Thursday anyway, so its not like I don't have time to get things done. Its odd, I'm more ok with working today because I was called in instead of scheduled. Just looking forward to having today off before finding out I would work was refreshing.
Job hunting stuff is going well (at least in my opinion). I've "finished" my resume and have a few letters of inquiry written. At this point I'm just waiting to hear back from people about what they think of the resume, etc, and whether I should change anything. The best part of the whole deal is that I figure I'd better buy a new shirt, tie, etc for any possible interviews. And of course, this means a good excuse for a trip to Sioux Falls! Thought about goin today, but working this afternoon kinda trumped that idea. Perhaps tomorrow. Anyone wanna come along? I don't think I've ever made a trip to Sioux Falls alone, my only worry is I'll stop at too many places I like and spend way too much money. Stupid materialism. Maybe I'll try a trip solo tomorrow and see if I can restrain myself...
______ of the day: Walmart has "fresh" fillet salmon, yay.
The weekend? Ogukuo