Stuck in the Middle

So the fireworks Tuesday night really shed some light on a subject. And that was an increadibly generic sentance, no insight into anything. For the longest time I have watched the fireworks in Ripon from my grandpas frontyard with my family after our 4th of July bbq. So watching fireworks reminded me of that. And Sunday dinner at grandpas house. And family camping. And various cousin get-togethers (we called them VanFerBerns, dont ask). And I realize that all of that is pretty much in my past. Cause I don't live there anymore, and so I'll miss all of the family stuff. Its amazing, thats been a major part of my life for so long, and the memories of it are so vivid, and I'll never experiance it again, least not in the same way. And yet, I don't really feel like I'm at home in Sioux Center either. I'm still just a leftover college student. I can't go back to Ripon, it just wouldn't work, so I really am a man with no country, so to speak. I'm left in a state of being dazed and confused, just trying to find some sort of solid base for my life, cause now there really isn't one. I dunno how long I'll be living in my current residence, how long I'll have my current job, if my friendships with all the returning students will be the same, obviously family relations are different now, about the only solid thing I have to go on in who I am and who God is. And I know thats all I need, but it still increadbly scary. I guess I've kinda come to a logger-head against life, and I'm just gonna have to get thru it.
And the worst part is I'm not returning to school in the fall. For the past 18 years I've returned to school in the fall. If I were this year, I'd be looking at 7 more weeks of drifting, and then back to familiar territory. But instead of that, I've got my entire life ahead of me and its depending on decisions I make now. Quiting my job now doesn't affect the rest of my summer, it affects the rest of my life. I can't grit my teeth and bare it ("it" being anything and everything) until September, now its life and I can't put it off, its not goin away in the fall, or any other time. Basically there's nothing set in the future that I can look forward to. So I dunno where that leaves you, but it leaves me slightly lost.
_______ of the day: a bit of comic relief
The fire-worked Ogukuo