Ever notice when you want something and you go for it, and then realize its seems like it’ll be easy to get, so you loose interest in it? But then you find out you can’t have it and suddenly it looks appealing again? I dunno, strikes me as weird, and annoying.
I don’t know what to do with my life. I mean, I really have no clue, I don’t have any idea where I want to be in even 3 years. I’ve pretty much decided I don’t want to live in NW Iowa for the long term, but that’s about all I know. That, and I know I have way too many financial obligations to throw off all cares and be a hobo for a year, or travel Europe, or join the peace corps, or whatever. I don’t know where I want to live, I have nice ideas and a few choices, but no real leanings towards any place in particular, and it really all depends on a job. I mean, I can’t move somewhere without having a job lined up, I simply need the money to meet my expenses. But how do I get a job somewhere without being there? That’s another thing, I don’t know what I wanna do for a job. I have a design degree, but I don’t really see myself doing graphic design or something like that, its just not a strong talent. I have a strong interest in music, but I know I could never make it as a pro at it (barring the whole OJK thing, I’m thinking in non-fantasy terms here). Working with kids is fun, but working with disabled kids like I do now isn’t what I want to do forever, if nothing else, the hours suck. And the money isn’t exactly great, and it can be quite stressful. Any sorta youth minister thing wouldn’t work, I simply don’t have the spiritual calling for that. Teaching? Yeah, I don’t think I really have that in me either. So I really have no idea what sorta career I want to aim for, no idea whatsoever. And what about marriage? Am I meant to be single? Well, if I know the answer is yes, it makes things a lot easier, but I don’t think I am. So what then? Do I stick around here where I know lots of girls til I find one? Do I move somewhere else and just figure I’ll find a girl wherever I move? Do I find a girl here and move somewhere else with her? Again, I don’t know. So basically what it comes down to is the three biggest parts of my life (my career, where I’m gonna live, and if/who I’m gonna marry) are all big question marks. I have no idea whatsoever where I’m going with any of them, not a single lead at all. I love where I am right now, and I’m having fun, but I know its not gonna last forever, and I don’t wanna be one of those guys who just drifts thru life without direction and without really having any solid connections with anyone/thing.
I dunno, I just don’t know.
______ of the day: I’ve gotta figure this out, but don’t know where to start
The lost Ogukuo
2 comments:
Remember the compass?
Hey, I feel what you feel too. I'm doing a medical degree and halfway through it yet having doubts that this is really what i want to do. That's tough seeing as I have another painful 3 years to go until i graduate. After months, I still have no idea what it is that i really want to do. Life is weird like that, and I envy whoever has a job that s/he loves doing and is passionate about it -- I think thats the most rewarding present in life that I wish I had. If you ever happen to find an answer to finding sense in your life, be a good samaritan and spread the word.
It's very tough indeed
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