And when you finally disappear, we'll just say you were never here

So I've watched a coupla good movies recently, Everything Is Illuminated and A Day Without a Mexican. I liked both of them, for different reasons. The first one I have raved about before, and anyone who has seen it knows why. The second one I had never seen before. Got it on a whim, and it was very entertaining. The one thing that really bugged me about it was they tried to stick Stockton down in Southern California. Well, they were only off by like 500 miles.

I hate feeling like nothing more than an observer. Thats why I loved being involved with sound tech. I felt like I was useful, a contributor. And music, I'm at all those rock shows for a reason, not just because I'm coming to watch. I'm starting to feel like thats fading. Everyone else is busy doing their thing, and I'm just sorta watching. I can show up and observe, or call and ask whats going on, but thats about it. Everyone is busy contributing, and I'm stuck just waiting and watching. I'm not called on for help with anything. I can tag along, but I'm not a big contributor. Sometimes I feel like I'm almost just annoying people whenever I call or show up somewhere, like they are busy with their lives, and I should just stick to observing. I should do my humble 40 hours of work a week, occasionally converse with people, and if something is happening, I can show up and watch, but my involvement isn't really needed.
At least thats the feeling I get sometimes.

______ of the day: Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home.

The Ogukuo