So long, free Saturday night

So I start my new job tonight, full shift tonight, full shift tomorrow night. I'm scared. Not cause of the job itself, but because I'll be out of synch with everyone else. My life will sorta be turned upside down as it were. My nights will always end at 10 no matter what, cause I'll need to leave for work then. I won't be goin to morning church anymore, 10 am will be like 3 in the morning for me. Hopefully I can adjust to sleeping during the day, if not I'm in alot of trouble.
So I apolgize to anyone who deals with me in the next week or so, I assume this first part will be the hardest for adjusting. I'll probably be crabby and generally irritable, more than normal at least. Hopefully I'll be able to pull thru it and somehow retain some shread of life. If anyone is feeling bored after midnight and wants to spend some time talkin on the phone, I'm your man! By midnight I should be done with any duties I have, and will have the rest of the night to do what I want, including talkin on the phone. Also, any good movies/books that you have that you think I should know about, pass them my way, I'll have the time to do them now.
Ok, I know I still have like 2 hours before I have to head in, but I should go figure out what I should bring along tonight so I can entertain myself and keep myself from getting bored to death on my first night.
______ of the day: I want my Saturday night back!!
The working Ogukuo

Its Thursday!

Thanksgiving is over. Well, ok, technically theres still like 5 hours left in the day, but the celibratin is over for me. I'd say today ranked among the quieter thanksgivings I've experianced in my day. But, thats ok, I had a really good time. Although, I must say dinner with three college profs can tend to be rather intemidating. But, a good time. I must say I do miss family Thanksgivings, mostly cause my family is so different than any other family I've had Thanksgiving dinner with. Actually, my family is quite different in almost every way I can think of. Family dinners are rarely a quite affair, there is usually much laughter, yelling (not in anger), card games, general discussion, and walks to the ol' highschool to see how much has changed. We also have dessert sessions that rival most any bake sales. I'm talking about a kitchen table literally covered with pies, brownies, cake, ice cream, and anything else you care to imagine. And this isn't a plate totting affair, each person is alotted a dinner tray to hold all the goodies. Needless to say, we usually have dessert several hours after dinner.
So please pardon my little trip down memory lane turned family history lesson. I'm not complaning about other dinners I've been to over the years, just noting the differences from what I grew up with. And kinda miss. I'm excited to be goin home in a month for Christmas, especially for Christmas dinner at my grandpas with my extended family.
So, in other news, everyone come back!!
_____ of the day: tryptophene...mmmmmm
The turkey'd Ogukuo

If I had a dog...

So I've been trying my hand lately at lyric writing, and I think yesterday lent itself to some pretty good life experiance as far as a song goes. Unfortunantely, it'd have to be a country song. So come with me on a journey thru my day (fasten your safety belts and place your pillows in a comfortable position, this is gonna be long and boring).
So yesterday was Monday, as most of you may know. Not the happiest of thoughts to begin with. I was planning on goin into work, but I spent a good part of the night coughing and not sleeping. So I called into work saying I wouldn't be in, and basically got laid off. So, quick recap, its Monday, I'm sick, and I just lost my job. Then, midmorning, my Mom calls me and tells me my great aunt died Sunday night. She was such a sweet old lady, one of the nicest ladies I know. Fastforward to the afternoon, I'm gonna run to town for grocieries and other random things. Except I can't because my car decides it no longer is on talking terms with my alternator, which has basically ceased to exist. So, its Monday, I'm sick, I've lost my job, a family member dies, and my car just took a poo on me. Yay!! If I had a dog and a girlfriend, my dog would have dumped me and my girlfriend would have run away. Wait, strike that, reverse it.
Ok, that was the play by play, now for the color. I am (I think) getting over the cold, at least I feel alot better today that I did yesterday morning. Of course, I have enough drugs pumping thru my system right now to make even Robert Downey Jr. look like a lightweight. And the loosing the job thing isn't really that big of a deal, I knew it was coming, and I start a new one next week. Plus, it is kinda nice to have the whole week off. Aunt Helen dying, well its a bummer, but she was like 94 and failing for a while. I certainly can't say I wish her back here, because I'm sure she wouldn't want to be, look what she has to compare it to now! And my car, yeah, that one pretty much is a bummer. I just brought it into the shop and will prolly hear back on it this afternoon. Either way, its gonna cost me money and I really need the car by the end of the week cause otherwise I really can't get to work. And in all fairness, I don't have a dog or girlfriend, so I dunno what would have happened with either of them yesterday. I'm just saying, with the way the day was goin....
But, the day is certainly not without its upsides. I got the new Snow Patrol CD in the mail, that made me happy. Haven't listened to it enough yet to be able to tell you if I like it or not. And I got my new SWR amp head too. That makes me uber happy, its so shinny and potentially loud, hurray! Of course, I don't have the cab for it yet, so I have to wait til tomorrow (assuming UPS's online tracking thingy is right) to have that, and then I have to wait til Friday or Saturday to run to Sioux Falls to get the jacks so I can actually have power goin from one to the other. But, by the end of the week my power output will be more than doubled, and my messing-around-with-sound ability will have also greatly increased. Hurray for 5 band EQs annd aural enhancers! Ok, so thats not that much messing around ability, but more than I have now. And theres an open slot for a rackmountable toy with the new head, so perhaps at some point I'll fill that with a seperate EQ allowing me to tweet my sound to my little hearts content.
And now I'm gonna try to motivate myself to actually get something useful done today, even tho I am still sick and probably shouldn't push myself too hard.
______ of the day: wait a minute, I was supposed to put something here!
The still-sick-but-getting-better Ogukuo

Well, its "official", I am unemployed. At least for this week, anyway. I was planning on working at Greenworld thru Wednesday, but that ain't happening. When I went to bed last night I fully planned on going into work this morning, but my cold-stricken body decided around 1:30 this morning to revolt and send me into a coughing fit as well as a very sore throat, stuffed up nose and general unfunness. And that kinda made the night long and hard to get thru, cause it happened a few more times thruout the night, and when I woke up this morning I really didn't feel like hacking and coughing while freezing all day outside. So I called my boss and said I'd like to have at least the morning off to recover and sleep a bit. And he said the guy I've been working with took all of this week off, and since I'd only have a few more days anyway I may as well just be done. And I said ok and went back to sleep. I still feel kinda icky, actually quite icky, and I was hoping that I had this thing beat, bummer. But now I have 3 days with nothing to do except recover and adjust to turning nocturnal next week. Actually, next weekend it sounds like I'll be working a few nights for some training. So I'll probably start staying up later at night and sleeping in more and more. Its ideal, really. I'm kinda a nightowl, and at least for the next few days I can pretend to be a college student again, a sick one, but a college student nonetheless.
Ok, in an effort to shorten my verbouse (??) entries, I'll just stop here instead of goin on and on about nothing.
_______ of the day: I'm sick, wheres my mommy?? :(
The ill Ogukuo

I'm lazy, so I'm just stealing one of Kara's old topics

So, Kara had a dream about a close friend dying, and I just had a dream last night that I was in the NY Yankees stadium. Yeah, I dream about the stupidest things. For some reason I was flown there for free with a group of people, and took part in some celebration or cerimony or something. Everyone else was out on the field for the whole game, but for some reason I came in around the 6th or 7th inning. And just as I was to make my grand entrance, the game was called on account of frost being on the grass (like, as soon as my foot hit the field, I heard the ump say game over). Yup, even my job infiltrated my dream. In the mornings we need to avoid walking on the grass cause it'll kill it if theres still frost on it, and that translated into the game being cancelled because of it. I dunno why they could play as much of the game as they did, or why the grass in an enclosed semi-heated place had frost on it to begin with. But it did, so the game was called, and the team we were supposed to be pulling for lost ( I dunno if it was the Yankees or whoever they were playing, but they lost). So everyone left, except for that group of us where had whatever special privilage. We gotta stay on the field (walking on the frosty grass!!) and hang out, have a BBQ, roam the stadium, whatever. It was at that point that I realized I didn't know anyone else in the group, except President Bush. yup, he was there for some reason. Just one of the guys hanging out, helping with the BBQ, no big deal. From there, details get fuzzy, I remember hanging out by a table of food, and Bush goin back and forth from a store room bringing out hotdogs and whatever. Really wierd. And then I was back here in this house (kinda, like same floor plan of this house, but kinda different layout and sizes of rooms, it was wierd) and I was cutting up a hunk of meat for supper. I was doin this in the living room and laying the meat out on the carpet, I realized about halfway thru doin this how disgusting that was. So I washed it off, and my parents were in the kitchen and I tried to put the blinds down cause it was bright outside, and they broke and fell off, and then I tried to fix them, and then I think I woke up.
I have stupid dreams that mean nothing, except perhaps its gonna be a sunny day and I have a craving for meat for some reason.
_______ of the day: A bowl of cold cerial will have to do for now :(.
The hungry Ogukuo
p.s. I'm working on making the posts shorter

More reasons why

So I think I've figured out another reason why Tuesday was so poopy. I mean, its a variety of things, but I figured out one reason that I hadn't thought about before that is outside of myself, thank goodness. They guy I've been working with the past few weeks was kinda complaining about another guy at work, one of the bosses who isn't really good at being a boss, or that much of a worker, really. Can't say I really disagree with him, they guy is kinda a flake. But the guy I've been workin with keeps goin on about how he isn't fair, and demands too much out of others when he himself doesn't really do that much work. After a while it got kinda old, I mean, yeah, the guys not the best boss, but enough is enough. And I know I kinda kept the conversation goin too, cause the only other thing this guy really talks about is sports, which is about as interesting to me as a steamy pile of, um, compost. Ok, so I'm interested on sports on the surface of them, as in I kinda like watchin a game once in a while, especially if its playoffs or whatever, but all the guys are work talk about drafts and stats and whos worth what and what team stands a chance this year for whatever reason. *yawn*. No thanks. So, instead of listening to this guy talk about that, and me not knowing a tidbit of what hes talking about and pretending to be interested I'd keep the conversation on something that I at least know something about. I stopped that today, I kept shifting the conversations to music, something I'm interested in. And I had a happier day :).
Plus, its almost the weekend, and thats always happy. I also moved the keyboard from the otherside of hte basement over by my computer, so now I can look up sheet music online (which is very hard to find, btw, anyone know a good site that has a wide selection?) and play. Its fun, I've learned the intro to an Evanescance song, a Goo Goo Dolls song, and Music Box Dancer.
Ok, I'm being distracted by the fact that I dont want to write anymore. Are my posts way too long? I have a feeling I bore people so they just dont read what I write...
______ of the day: I hate barberry bushes
The cube-shaped Ogukuo

Reasons why

So I'm mulling over what I wrote last night. And the reasons why.
I don't wanna slip slowly into a life that will make me look back in 20 years and say "woah! what happened? I used to have so much fun, now my life is boring and I don't know when it happened" And I'm on the leading edge of that happening. Not because I want to, but because its gonna happen no matter what.
Of course, thats life, and its goin by faster and faster it seems, and life isn't fair, and blah blah blah, I've heard it all before. All those stupid cliche phrases are true, and none the less stupid. They are so applicable to life that they are meaningless. I don't want to hear that life isn't fair, or that "you need to start being responsible" and other random cliche "its time to grow up" phrases that sound like things your mother would say. I just want to live life. I know that bills need to be payed, and retirement needs to be saved up for, and all that crap, I just want to have a life once its all said and done. Whats the point of life if you spend all of it worrying about how much it costs, and if theres any way to save a buck or two. Forget that, I'll live my life, have fun, spend what I need to, save for what I want to, and worry more about what my money can do for me than what I have to do to get it.
Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 23? If it is, I think I'm having it. 6 months into the workforce and I'm already ready to call it quits. For those of you still in college (which, by my calculation would be anyone who actually reads this) enjoy it! Yeah, papers and tests suck, but at least you are being mentally stimulated. I've gotta find a job sooner or later that actually offers that. I've gotten dumber the past 6 months because of mindless work. Now anyone who has talked to me at length knows my stance on Gen300, and how its a crap class. But, I know that what it says about calling being more than your job is true (doesn't change the fact that the class sucks). I currently live my life after 5, my life happens outside of work.
Once again, I'm goin no where with this, sorry. At least Tuesday is over, I always hate Tuesdays for some reason, even more so than Mondays, if you can believe that.
Anyone have a good leather couch I could lay down on for a while and talk about my problems? I can't afford a shrink, the best I could do is borrowing someones couch.
_______ of the day: job politics suck
The Tuesday'd Ogukuo

Since I'm on the topic

Sooooo, heres another blog thats all masked and cryptic, but basically comes down to girls and the future, like every other blog.
Once again, like I did about 6 months ago, I'm starting a new job with high hopes and asperations, blah blah blah. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread, its what I want to do, I'm gonna love it. Except not. I mean, basically, I'll have about 2 hours of cleaning, and then 6 hours of break time with intermentant bed checks to make sure everything is cool. Sparing the fine details, thats my job description. So, like the lowlight of my previous (er, still current at this point) job, I will basically be working by myself. Now, granted, I'll be able to read, watch tv, surf the web, make shadow puppets, whatever while working, I still am basically lacking human interaction. Except, of course, unless one of the residents gets up in the middle of the night. But then the only connection I have is being a meany and telling them to go back to bed.
And do I wanna do this job long term? No. I'm still in that boat, too. And its sinking. I honestly have no idea where I will/want to be in 10 years. Shoot, 2 years for that matter. By that time all my Dordt friends will have graduated, and I will probably be even more sick of Sioux Center than I am now. So, then what? I stay? I move back to Ripon? I move somewhere with no base? I'm frustrated because I don't know which direction. And there are so many way to finish that sentance.... which direction God wants me to go, which direction I want to go, which direction I "should" go, which direction would be financially best for me, etc etc. And why do I have to figure it out now? Well, I should start figuring it, I'm graduated from college, I have the piece of paper telling people that I jumped thru the hoops to be able to tack B.A. to my name. This, of course, means I should be able to find a real job, not just hop from one hourly job to another. Of course, its also appealing to live in an unfinished basement with no real commitment or responsibility. But that also means no real base either. No one I know will be there who I can come home from work to every day, and who would move with me wherever I/we happen to move to.
I think what I need is a little less of people giving me wonderful/useless/annoying suggestions for what I should do in the career/girl/living situation category and a little more interaction with God and the following of his lead. Cause right now, I'm not sure where Hes leading me, but I think that means that He has something for me, its just a matter of His timing of showing me what it is.
I know I don't really want to be to this point in my life, but I get the feeling I'm gonna be ready to kinda settle down into something resembling real life here in the next few years, the only thing thats missing is maturity on my part, a career, home, and a girl. It kinda seems like those 4 things go together like folding the 4 flaps of an open box together to make a closed top. All 4 are needed to make it work, and they all kinda need to happen at the same time for it to actually work. I know, you don't think that I need any of the other 3 to make any particular 1 work, and good for you. You get a sarcastic pat on the head cause I dont care. Yup, I'm to that point, I don't even care what anyone has to say about it anymore. Go ahead and tell me "hey, shes out there somewhere" or "congrats on the new job! maybe this is where God is leading you" or "saving up for a house?" I'm living weekend to weekend right now, and sooner or later its gonna run thin and break. I don't even know anymore where I was trying to go with this, except that I dont know where I am goin, or who I'm goin there with, or when any of it is happening, or if it is happening, or how I'm even gonna know when it happens. When I was younger I always pictured myself looking back on my younger life and saying "yup, I was confused about everything then, but now I at least have a few things figured out". I was hoping to have at leave one thing (pick it, anything) figured out by now, and I dont. I'm still just as confused as I was when I was 17.
Ok, its way too late, I've gotta go to bed, otherwise I'd keep writing non-sensical nothings. I'm sorry if you read this whole thing, cause its disjointed and probably boring, and still doesn't really even say anything about what I'm feeling. So if you were looking for insight, sorry, you didn't find it here.
_______ of the day: _______
The still Ogukuo

Follow up, what a silly word, er, words

So, if you haven't read my previous post, I'd recommend reading that first, before this one. Since my all too boring life happens chronologically, logically it should be accounted for in such a manner. Er, something like that.
So I was a bit worried about not having a job, etc etc. Found out today that I will indeed have a job, working nights full time starting after Thanksgiving. At Hope Haven, of course. That is, if I pass my drug test, and I'm worried, cause I've been hitting the poppy seed muffins pretty hard lately.
I also get to have Christmas (and surrounding days) off, so I'll be able to travel to CA to see my fam and long lost friends, yay!
And in other news, well, there is no other news really, my life is boring. I, again, pruned various shrubberies all day. Oh, I did get to play fetch with an overly salivating dog for a while, that was quite fun and distracting from work. I would blame society, but who cares?
And now I go shower and see if we have food somewhere in our brick fortress.
_____ of the day: Yes, we have no bananas
The jobbed (jobed? job-ed?) Ogukuo

Here and there

So its November. Thanksgiving is, what 3 weeks away? Something like that. Right around that time is when I will no longer be employed by Greenworld (assuming I stick around til then). I have an app in at Hope Haven, and am looking forward to hearing from them in the next few days about a job there. Everyone who has worked there or who is currently working there tells me I dont need to worry, I'll get the job. So basically I'm counting on it. Even tho it'll prolly only be like 3 days a week to start with, it'll hopefully be enough to get me by. And with luck I'll be able to work my way up and get some more hours as well.
So, I'm even doing here in this blog, I'm writting with the assumpion that I get the job, cause I know they need someone and everyone says they'll take me. But what if they dont for whatever reason? They found someone else to fill it, they dont like my goatee, whatever, what if I dont get it? THen I think I'm stuck. Cause I don't know of any other jobs currently available that would pay enough to make it worth it, and I only have a few more weeks of work before I'm laid off. So, in other words, by the time I'm eating Thanksgiving dinner (if I even do that) I may be unemployed. Of course, thats worst case senerio, but I dont wanna count on anything yet that may not happen.
And either way, Christmas is gonna be interesting I think. I really wanna be home, cause if I don't go then, I wont see any of my family or friends from there until June. But I may not be able to afford to fly home, or I may not be able to get time off from work, if I have a job. And it'd be a real bummer to not see those people for another 6 months. Plus I really really wanna see mountains!!! I would kill (ok, not really) to be able to spend just one day up in the moutains. And if I were back in Cali, I know one of the things I would be doin is driving up to the mountains, rain snow sleet or shine. Snow is beautiful, but it is 10 times better when its on mountains.
Ok, enough of that, I should go find myself some "sunday dinner". And by that I mean toast with peanut butter.
_______ of the day: oil and water don't mix, neither do the colors blue and green in my wardrobe.
The hungry Ogukuo

When the time comes...

So I'm down. I dunno why, but I am. I think it stems from a dream I had this past weekend. And lemme say this, this past weekend was totally awesome, my parents and brother were visiting, as well as a ton of other fun people. I saw the play, hung out with the fam, friends, etc etc, it was a very good weekend. But Saturday night I had this wierd dream that I found a dead guy. Except I didn't find him, just his bloody shirt and various other disturbing items that were obviously related to a death. And there were various other events in the dream that made me feel trapped and unable to do anything I actually wanted to do. Keep in mind this was only a dream, but when I woke up Sunday morning I was all depressed and down. And it was because of that stupid dream!! Cause besides that, the weekend was awesome. Why is that? Why did something outside the realm of physical reality make take me so far down when I was having such a grand time in real reality?
And now its kinda the same thing tonight, except without the dream there as a stimulus. I mean, I had a meh day at work (but thats ordinary) and a fairly good evening, social, fun, nothing extraordinary tho. So why do I feel down? Ack, I hate this feeling. And the stupid thing is, it'll be gone tomorrow probably. I mean, thats a good thing, but it doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it, so it seems.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed and think happy thoughts. Maybe that'll help.
________ of the day: Once in a great while everything seems to go right, and it still seems wrong.
The down-filled Ogukuo

Half of the time we're goin, but we don't know where

So, what to say. I wish I were eloquent with words (or could at least spell them correctly, and don't correct me, I don't care). I love music. I love listening to it, learning about it and the people who make it and would love nothing more than to be able to express myself thru it. And I do somewhat with OJK, but I also wish I were able to play guitar and piano well, and most of all I wish I could write. I listen to people like S&G or Dylan or Cash and I hear how increadably simple their lyrics are, but yet still how deep. Right now I'm listening to a studio cut of S&G's 'A Poem on the Underground Wall' and I'm blown away. I mean, its a song about a kid grafitti-ing, but yet its written in such a beautiful way. And music is so powerful, too. My computer just randomly shuffled to the song ' 7 O'clock News/Silent Night'. It is the best example I can think of for a dicodamy, or whatever. I mean, the whole song is S&G singing a beautiful peaceful rendetion of Silent Night over a reading of the evening news. The news is filled with reports of celebrity drug overdoses, war, racism, politicalism, and other horrible things that seemingly (sadly) define our world in present times. The song is such a beautiful (truthful) picture of what we have blasted at us everyday, and the simple (but not really) knowledge we have of our salvation thru Christ. It seems that the evening news overtakes that fact, but in reality, like in the song, it is always there, always a part. I dunno, not only can I not write meaningful songs, I can barely write about ones that have been written.
I'm now listening to A Hundred Highways. Its Johnny Cash's last record (?). It sure sounds like the final bookend to a musical career spanning, what, 50 years?. It's probably one of the saddest album I've ever heard, but its such a painful saddness, theres also that feeling of extreme peace in it. The feeling I get when I listen to this album is that same feeling you have at a funeral for someone you have loved very much. That feeling of being wrenched to the point of not even being able to function, you can't even believe theres a tomorrow, but somehow, by no earthly power, that feeling also brings a wonderfully deep peace. Its the same peace that is found in Silent Night. That awe-inspiring, all-incompassing, way beyond anything I'll ever be able to understand fully on this earth peace from God. "And I came to believe in a power much higher than I/I came to believe that I needed help to get by."
I guess thats what I love about music, its ability to create such deep human connection between those who are sharing it. I wish I had the gift to be able to create that connection.
I hope you take something out of this post, I mean, its not eloquent writing, and probably not clear most of the time, but I mean it all.
_______ of the day: Heroes often fail
The Sunday'd Ogukuo

The Time Has Come

Well, no more waiting to know....... :(

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

Thanks to Ben Folds for the catchy title, except I'm not Reinhold Messner, since I'm writting this myself its an autobiography, and is there any possible way that an autobiography can be unauthorized?
So heres what I'm facin': three felonies, six years of probation. Oh wait, I'm not Eminem either.
Ever heard him actually sing? Not rap, but sing, hes got a pretty good voice. In my opinion. Of course, those who are self-rightious and hate Eminem because people like his music would disagree based on the fact that he sucks because they don't like them, and they don't like him because he sucks. And somewheres in that perpetual motion machine is the factor that his music is popular, thus cannot be good. I love circular logic!! How about you?
So heres what I'm really facing: Out of 12 people or so who applied, me and one other person were granted the chance for an interview. These both happened this past week. Mine went well, I can't speak for the other person. I was hoping for a decision by yesterday, but I guess both of us are very close in qualifications, so now they are gonna be calling our references, and I won't hear until next week. I just found out who my compitition is, too. I consider her to be quite qualified, and would be a good person for the job. Which, of course, has me more worried than not knowin who I was runnin against.
So I spent the first part of this week prepairing for the interview, everything from reading material, mental prep, gettin clothes ready, lots of worrying and praying, etc. And then there was the interview itself. It went well, I think. But, it was a 4 1/2 hour marithon, very tiring. But, I feel confident that I did well. It pretty much shot Wednesday, I was tired that night. And the past few days have been spent wondering how the other person did, and waiting to find out a decision yesterday. Which didn't come down yesterday, cause they need more time to decide. I guess thats better than a 'no compitition, its not Philip' decision, or the other way around, but now I have like 4 more days of waiting, which is quite difficult. Considering how important the decision will be on affecting my life. But, I'm also finding a certain amount of peace about the whole ordeal. I mean, I know whats gonna happen to a certain extent. Either I get the job, or I dont, that simple. If I get it, I'm excited, and I look forward to a job that I think I'll enjoy quite a bit. If I don't get it, I continue looking for something else. Probably not something as important as this job, but something more along the lines of getting me a paycheck to get by. I should say something to get me by til the band thing kicks in. (heres your cue to roll your eyes, oh ye unbelievers) And I bid the adieu to go find some food or something.
________ of the day: I finally saw Fight Club
The Waiting Ogukuo

I Hate Mondays

I quote Puss in Boots from Shrek 2. I once again feel crappy (but, then again, when don't I when I'm posting, right?). Today wasn't even that bad for the most part, but I'm still in a down mood. Its amazing how one stupid little thing will ruin an entire day like that. I had the day off cause it was raining this morning, so I didn't go in, then I got distracted with other stuff I needed to do, so I just never went in once it stopped raining. Which is probably for the better, cause we did have a pretty soaking rain, so I probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I can't wait for my parents to be out here. I feel like I've been hanging in mid-air for the past 5 months with no real foundation to my life. Hopefully spending time with the family again will re-establish some sense of grounding. As much as I like the free-wheelin' spirit of bein single and living with a bunch of guys with no real connections to anything, I really would like to have some sort of tie down. Thats what I miss most about living at home, I really don't have any sort of structure to my life outside of a work sch. Theres really no one I can count on to always be there like I could with my family. I know I've gotta work on my personal relationship with God, that'll probably help alot. And, I know its cliche, and everyone says it, but I'd really like to find a girl. I mean, com'n, I'm 23, I've been tryin to play the game for what, 8 years or whatever now? I feel like I'll never get off the bench, much less that I'll get a chance to ever get out on the playing field. Part of me wants to be a more agressive player, but then the rest of me says, duh, you'll never do that. Which is so fricken frustrating, cause its getting me nowhere, which is really not where I want to be. I'm ready to give up on the game, but I know thats not possible, and even if it were, I'd never be able to do it anyway.
So, off I go to bed all lost and frustrated to wake up tomorrow and go to work and sit and be frustrated there for 9 hours. Yippee.
_______: Maybe I should give up all reservations and really go get the shit kicked out of me by love instead of just quoting it from the movie all the time.
The Tired Ogukuo

Apathy Takeover

Ever have that feeling where you really want something to happen, and it doesn't? Cause I don't have that feeling right now, nor the feeling of something I really want happening either. In fact, I feel rather emotionless right now. I'm pretty sure that work is dulling my senses down to a bland nothingness. Today was the first time in weeks that I wasn't working by myself out in the middle of a field of trees. But, the company I heald today was somewhat less than desireable. I was workin with a guy named Dick whos in his late 40s (?) and a rather odd character. Not much for socializing, and always yelling about something or another not being right or I need to do such and such. So I basically stopped listening to what he said and just tried to do my job. Which, of course, was even more depressing cause all I was doin was pounding steaks into the ground and stringing wire from them to trees to pull the trees straight, all in all very boring. I think the only things I'm holding onto at this point is a show Saturday night for the short term, and then end of the work season for long term. I think I can make it thru one more work day knowing that then I have two days off and the chance to play a show, which I think I need to relax and have some fun. Oh, and speaking of Saturday, anyone wanna go to SooFoo? I wanna go semi-early, as in I wanna be back at like 4 at the latest so I have time to get some stuff done before having to head to OC for the show. Lemme know if you wanna go, I don't wanna go by myself cause I don't think I'd find half the stuff I need to.
So, yes, bit of a tangent there, but long term I'm holding onto the fact that my job will be over in at most a few months. I think I would go insane if I knew that I would be doin the same thing for the long-term forseeable future. I really hope the Admin job comes thru, that would be so awesome. I can leave a job I dont like and actually do something that would be fun and enjoyable. If that doesn't happen, I think I'm just gonna apply to be on the overnight shift for one of the local houses and do that for a while. At least there I can watch a movie or read a book while doin nothing there.
I need something, I dunno what. I just feel like I'm coasting thru right now, with no real excitment or anything. My days are down to a fine formula of long boring work days and rather dull evenings that only may be highlighted by perhaps a good conversation in the Bean (hard tho, since I have to be back home for bed before anyone is even in the talking/done with homework mood). Maybe a gf? Meh, no, bad idea. Whats worse than wanting a gf for nothing else except to kill boredom. I mean, a gf would be nice, but not for that reason. But, thats a moot issue at this point anyway, so no point in debating it. Maybe I should take up knitting or plate-spinning.
Meh, I give up, I'm gonna go take a shower and figure out what kinda cerial I want for dinner.
______ of the day: "Woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown" -Breakdown, Mae
The Apathetic Ogukuo

I feel like an emo kid

Except without the black hair, tight pants, and wierd writting/musical talent thing. (btw, if you haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, see it, good portrayal of a real Emo kid) But I do feel all down and that 'life hates me' blah blah blah. I think the reason may be because I'm not really doin anything useful right now. Right now, like right now in life, and right now, like 11 am Friday morning. I only worked 3 days this week, I couldn't really work yesterday cause it was raining all day, and I'm not working now cause everything is soaked, and it'll probably be raining off and on thru most of today as well. But, I guess I could go in? Maybe? I dunno, its not raining at this moment, but probably will be, and what would I be doin there, anyway? Tromping around in the mud feeling miserable and not really getting anything accomplished anyway. The whole 3 days I did work this week I spent out in the field "pruning" trees. Except these are trees that I've worked most of the summer on, pruning, shaping, steaking, etc etc etc. So, in otherwords, I'm really only doin stuff that I've done before. I go in to work in the morning, and if none of the crews need me, they just send me out to the field to 'work on the trees.' But that really means nothing, cause its all be done already, so I'm really just out there wasting time til 5 when I can go home. I mean, yeah, I'm doin some minor pruning, and straightening of trees, but nothing thats worthy of me being out there 9 hours a day. I'm pretty sure they don't mind too much when I take off the "maybe" days like today, cause it means they don't have to pay me for doin not much of anything anyway. I hate being the one who isn't really needed, and thats what I feel like at my current job.
So, on a day like today, I'm not working, and instead doin nothing at home. Everyone else is either at work or class, and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I'll do the dishes and such, but that only takes so long. I wanna go to the dark room, but I'm runnin out of stuff to work on there, and its kinda hard to be motivated to do art when theres no venue to show it. I gotta talk to Van Geest and see when the Center Mall art sale is, and if I can get in on it. Not cause I'm lookin to sell dozens of pieces and become rich, but because it'll give me something to aim for and a way to get my stuff out there for people to see. I think I'm also cranky cause OJK hasn't played together in almost 2 weeks. Of course, those of you who don't know what I'm talkin about shrug and say 'who cares', but for me (and I assume the other guys) its a big release, and it really helps me feel better, just to know I'm part of something creative, fun, and that people enjoy. I also am trying to motivate myself to work on other musical stuff too. Like, playing more piano, expanding what I can do on piano (like learn chords, not just playing classical, I'd love to be able to play along with more modern music), and alot more acoustic guitar. The guitar thing is kinda depressing tho, cause I've been tryin, and for the life of me cannot play and sing at the same time. Which is really frustrating. So then I just wanna forget about it, put the guitar down and do something even less productive, such as blog. So, to combat that, I'm gonna be playin with Katie (who is awesome) and we are both gonna be frustrated together trying to play guitar. But, since we're both there, neither of us can just put down the guitar and sulk. Who knows, maybe we'll be the next Gilbert and Sullivan, or Paul and John. I'm conviced that certain very musically talented people (such as McCartney and Lennon, or Simon and Garfunkel) would have never had done anything if they hadn't have played together. In fact, the only reason Paul Simon was into music was because his childhood friend, Arthur Garfunkel won some singing contest in elementary school, and this motivated Simon. Even tho Simon is an awesome songwriter and singer, if it hadn't have been for Garfunkel (the second fiddle as most people consider him), he probably wouldn't have ever gotten anywhere. Although I consider myself to be nowheres near as talented as any of the aforementioned people, I feel that I'm simular to them in the sense that I don't think I could do the music thing on my own, I need to be playing with a band or another person to really feel musical. For me, I need to build off of someone, and have them build off of me.
And now I've gone from writting about being depressed about whatever it is I'm depressed about to stating a major thesis for musical talent, I dunno how that happened. But, anyway, I think I'm gonna head over to campus and peruse the darkroom for a while (hopefully find something to work on) and see if I can't find Van Geest and see about this art sale dealio. As much as I like days off and weekends, I'm hoping I can be more productive with them.
_____ of the day: Wednesday afternoon was one of the most beautiful days I've ever seen.
The I-wish-it-were-some-point-in-the-future Ogukuo

So much for Autumn!!

I have this odd feeling I'm falling off my blogging habit.
So, what a weekend. Friday night was planned to be comedy league and then a party at the farmhouse, and ended up being neither of those. Instead, the girls of WH108 came over here, we went shopping for Sunday dinner food, and then they made brownies and smoothies at my place. Twas a good time. A few of us watched Hero, myself not included. I was there in body, but fell unconscious at some point. Stupid lack of sleep the night before. And I'm bummed, cause it looked like a really good movie, so now I'm just gonna have to watch it again to actually see what happens.
Saturday saw some garage sailing in the morning, the picking up of a hymnal, horse shoe set and a new washer and dryer. We now have double laundry machines in our basement. Yippee. But, a functioning dryer again, so no more bringing loads of wet clothes over to Southview. The rest of the day was spend doing random household chores and general lounging. Then the funness started around 8 or so when a wave of people hit the house in celebration of Kara's 21st. A fun time was had by all, and somehow I ended up awake until 3:30 or so. Amazingly, I made it up at like 8:30 and to church Sunday morning. And, as one would expect, back in bed right after church for a nice 2 hour nap. And then a screening of Love Actually (that in itself will be a post sooner or later, cause I love that movie more and more each time I see it), and then the girls of WH108 came over again with a superb slow cooked roast for Sunday dinner/supper. And, some wonderful chips and dip. SOunds like thats gonna be a weekly event, which is very cool/awesome/spiffy/groovy/cats meow. Perhaps BBQ next week, yay! And then GIFT last night, which went well, the team is quite different now than last year, not sure yet what I think of it. But I liked the song selection, which is crucial, for me at least.
So, theres the review, and now a short preview: Winters here!!! Saturday was almost 90 degrees, and today we were stuck in the low 50s, it was horrid. I mean, I don't want 90s, but I could barely operate at work with the temps so low, the wind, and the mist. It was like a California winter (worse than you think, for you ignorant ones who have never experianced such a thing). And it'll be like that all week it looks like. Perhaps rain on Thursday and Friday, which means I'd be getting out of work either early, or all day both days. Good cause it gives me time to do other stuff (ie darkroom), but bad cause I ain't makin money. Next weekend will be pretty cool. No particular reason that I know of yet, cept for the fact that its gonna be a weekend.
ANd now its shower time.
_______ of the day: Why can't Iowa have all 4 seasons like everyone else??
The cold Ogukuo

The Saturday Morning Post

The sun came up with no conclusions
Flowers sleeping in their beds
The city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide awake, it's morning
Thank You to Bright Eyes for that little lyrical selection. And yes, it is true, I am wide awake, and it is morning. Although, I have no idea why I'm awake at 8 am, because I didn't go to bed until 3. I wanted to go to bed at like 1, but duty called, and I kinda had to make sure my house stayed standing thru the hurricane of alcahol that hit it. Last night was like a category 2. Not too bad, but bad enough to warrent a little worry. Plus, my new guitar was pulled out and played last night around 2:30 (quite well, I might add, by capable guitar players, but by ones I didn't really know). I was a bit worried about that, given the strength of the aforementioned hurricane, but went to bed anyway, cause 3 was late enough for me. Got up this morning, and couldn't find my guitar anywhere and started freaking out. Was rude enough to wake up Reid, and found out that he had hidden it behind the couch to protect it. Sorry Ross and Pasma, but Reid just shot up to number 1 roommate, way way up, like, no compitition, and one of you two is gonna have to save some old lady and all her cats from a burning building to pass him up.
Ok, enough on that, Peasants played last night in the Bean, it was quality. After hearing them practice a few times, it was good to actually hear vocals with it, and it was awesome, I liked it much. And tonight is our turn, we get to play up the music scene with And Yet (HnR formerly), the Benidict Affair (I like to refer to them as BA, because I'm not quite sure how to spell Benidict, and BA is just easier). So, make sure you get there at or before 8:30, cause BA is opening up, and I'm pretty sure they haven't played at Dordt before, so they'll be new to alot of people, and, oh yeah, they totally rock. I've only seen them once, sadly, but it was totally awesome. After them And Yet (I think it should be And Yet..., with the 3 periods, whatever thats called, elipsis? is that it?, just looks cooler) takes the stage and does their rocking, which is also rockin. I hope they've worked up some new stuff, I'd like to hear it. And then, we do our little thang. Ok, enough hood talk (shudder). We've about doubled our set list from what we had at the end of last school year, so we're gonna be doin like 4 or 5 new songs that no one has heard unless they happened to catch one of our 2 summer shows. And I think 1 or 2 of those new songs are even newer than those shows, and making their concert debut tonight. Hehehehe, I get all giddy just thinking about finally playing a show again, especially with new, totally kick-ass rocking material. Everyone tonight will be sockless, because they are gonna be rocked totally off. I suddenly have a craving for a carmel fudge brownie for some reason.
And since our only way of advertising this thing is by blogs, facebook, and random posters all over campus, I ask please, if you happen to read this today before the show, pass the word around! Tell people about the show. Whats better than a Saturday night show (FREE at that!!) with 3 rocking bands? Lets get a big crowd, cause I know we on stage are gonna be totally pumped and in the rockin mood, I sure hope the crowd is too!!
Ok, enough plug, time to find some food, maybe that brownie, and get started on stuff to pass the time until tonight.
______ of the day: hurrayyyyyyy Rock!!
The up-too-bloody-early Ogukuo

It's about time

Its about time for another post. And, yes, it most certainly is all about time, because thats what I've been short on lately. Between work and life crap (as in paper work, paying bills, all the boring stuff) and seeing everyone coming back, I haven't had time to squeeze in a blog sideways. Until now, Its that awkward time between the end of the week and the beginning of the weekend, kinda like the twilight zone, but not at all, really.
So, lesse, um, yeah, people are back, but you know that, cause you are either one of them, or you are one of the ones who was always here who has also witnessed the return of the masses. Of course, I miss people who didn't return, and theres a whole ton of new faces which I don't recognize. I was getting a good impression of this years freshman class until the talent show last night. It was somewhat lackluster. There was an absolutely hilarious video of a girl hiding in a box and scaring the crap out of other girls, which in my opinion takes the cake for best act of the night. There was also an awesome clarinetist who played Amazing Grace quite well, but besides that, the stuff was rather mediocre. Hopefully theres lots of hidden talent in the freshman class, cause there wasn't much on the surface. And things went less than stellar on the techie end last night, but it was the first big production of the year, I have all faith in this years techies that they will pick it up quickly.
Work is about the same, boring as always. At least the past few days brought the slightest bit of variety, thank goodness. And now its a 3-day weekend!! I have no idea how I plan to spend my 72 hours of freedom, but I know I will enjoy them no matter what.
So, heres the real news, I'm gettin all my ducks in a row to throw my hat in the ring for the position of admission councelor at Dordt. I've seen the opening in the paper for most of the summer, and never gave it a thought til someone mentioned to me last Saturday that I should try for it, and I've heard from many others in the past week that they think I would be good at the job. So hopefully sometime early next week I'll have everything together to do that. I know, I'd be working for the institution, or 'the man', but I honestly feel that Dordt as a school is a good place, despite all the underlying problems. I'd be travelling alot, which sounds cool now, but may become a drag because of all the stupid laws that the gov't seems to think will somehow keep us safe. Thank goodness I can rest easy knowing the guy next to me doesn't have fingernail clippers or a water bottle, I feel much safer.
Ok, so enough on that little rant, we, being OJK, had our first full band rehersal in over 2 months earlier this week, and it was truly splendiferous. Totally awesome to have Andrew back so that we are back to our full rocking potential. And good sounds happened, as in totally awesome music. Which we hope to put out for public display sometime next week, not sure on the exact day yet, as far as I know. Whenever it happens, I can't wait, I know I'll be there, hopefully you will be too.
So, anyway, in order to help curb my habit of excessively long posts, I'll just stop here and perhaps write more later when stuff actually happens thats blogworthy.
The 3-day-weekend Ogukuo