Of friendships and those who comprise them

Its sad how old friendships change. I've realized that over the past few days. I don't like how friendships that in the past were so important and strong just kinda fade away or change. Its amazing how we can go from seeing eachother on a daily basis to going over a year without barely communicating at all. Old friends go, new friends come, sometimes their paths cross, and thats always a juggling act. I understand that and accept it, but only because I have to, knowing its gonna happen no matter what. So what do you do? How can you build strong meaningful relationships with people who you may only know for a few years? Its unrealistic to think you'll stay in touch with everyone you are friends with, it just can't happen. Its also unrealistic to be shut off from meeting people because you know that sooner or later you'll part ways. But whats the middle ground? And how do you mix old friendships with new ones? I've ran in groups that could certainly be called quite different from eachother. So what happens when a friend from one group meets a friend from another group thru me? I mean, I'm the same person obviously, but the general feel of the groups are quite different. How will those two people, both friends of mine, get along with eachother? Is it my place to worry about that? Should I care about that? Or should I just be who I am, make friends with those around me and make the most of it?
I dunno, all I know is I love the friends I have, and the friends I had, and I'm gonna try my hardest to stay in touch with them. Sometimes I wish life were easier. Sometimes.
______ of the day: Answers, please
The friendly Ogukuo

And I won't back down...

How about a little life update, hmm? Its been a while…
So I am officially a daytime fulltimer now, although I don’t actually switch shifts til the beginning of April. I filled out all the right paperwork, and even had an interview for the position, kinda odd. Probably the only interview I’ll do at 5:30 am barefoot with the news on the TV in the background. Oh, and I forgot a tie as well :S. I’m looking forward to days, but I’m also feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole thing already, its gonna mean a lot more responsibility and it’s gonna be tough. But, fun and worth it, and they boys need the help.
I leave for Omaha on Friday afternoon for a 48 hour blitz of nonstop partying. Ok, so not really, but I will be in Omaha for the weekend. Its sorta a birthday thing (mines on Friday), but also a ‘just to get away’ thing, and a ‘visit a long lost friend’ thing. I’m sure good times will follow. And next week I make 3 trips to Sioux Falls to work on a recording with the rest of OJK. Its gonna be awesome fun. Hopefully sometime in April we’ll have the fruits of our labor packaged and ready for distribution. The line starts here to get one.
Speaking of Sioux Falls, I’ve been there 2 twice in the past few weeks to look at cars, and I’ve pretty much decided on what I want (Mazda3) now its just a matter of finding the right one for me. I’ve also been talking to banks and everyone else with money about getting a loan, and trying to find the best deal. So now, its more or less a matter of waiting for the right car to come into the lot and doing all the paperwork to make it mine. With any luck I’ll be driving a new car within the next month or so.
So all in all, life is fun and good. They say the key to happiness is money, cars, and women. All it takes for me is a car, music, and friends. And I gotta admit, multiple cars, disposable cash, or any woman don’t really seem to be anywhere on my radar screen, so I guess I’ll have to be happy being happy where I am.
______ of the day: Happy is as happy does
The busy future’d Ogukuo

This blog is short and goes down hill quickly

So I'm in the mindset of blogging, but got nothin to say really. I'm in the 'its Monday, theres too much snow on the ground, the sky is cloudy, and I had a poopy practice' mood. Stupid fingers not doin what I tell them to do. Hopefully they straighten themselves out by Friday night. I just heard someone say (in a post dinner conversation) that no person is irreplaceable. Thats an interesting thought. Its not to say that no person would be missed, but in some shape or form, anyone could be replaced. I'm guessin finding another person to fit that space would be difficult, but not impossible. Kinda a depressing thought. To make it personal for me (since I'm selfish like that) if/when I leave the greater Sioux Center area and move on with my life, the people who I know here are gonna move on with theirs. I'd like to think that my absence would be noticed, but after my roommates at the time fill my vacancy in the house, a little time will pass and I'll just be one of those people who is vaguely remembered.
Ok, I'm just gonna stop, all I'm doin is making myself depressed for no reason.
______ of the day: If it ended tomorrow, would you remember me all the same?
The Ogukuo

Why can't I lead a normal life??

Well, for Tuesday being so bad this week, the rest of the week has been quite interesting to say the least. Wednesday started by me not being able to test for my class D drivers license (my only goal for that day, sigh). Stupidly, if you test drive for you class D and slide even a little, your license is suspended. They don't just deny you the class D, they actually suspend your regular license as well. And since the roads were already slick then I figured I wouldn't risk it. And then my boss called me and said to bring an extra set of clothes into work that evening. Hmmm, I don't like where this is goin... so I figured I wouldn't need them, but I brought the extra clothes that night, and its a good thing I did. I ended up getting blizzard'd in and didn't get out of their til the middle of this afternoon, putting me at over 40 hours there (I was only clocked in for about 30 hours, we rotated times off to rest and relax away from the boys). A long time anyway you look at it, but woulda been alot worse without a change of clothes. We had 5 staff members there, no one could really get out, and no other workers could get in either. So, we had 5 staffers, and 7 boys cooped up in the house, it was fun and frustrating and nerve racking and a learning experiance and actually a blast, minus the general inconvience of the whole thing. I enjoyed it, and I know the funness will be remembered, but so will the stress and whatnot. And I actually got to take a shower in a real shower with no toilet in it for the first time in I don't know how long! Oh, and do front flips into a snow bank, that was fun too. Shouldn't have waited til after my nice warm shower to do it tho.
______ of the day: All work and all play means you're working with kids
The finally off from work Ogukuo

Good-Bye Ruby Tuesday (and good ridance)

Have you ever had a good Tuesday? I don't mean a not bad Tuesday, I mean a good one. Tuesdays always seem to be the low point of the week. Mondays suck, but everyone expects it, and at least theres a bit of freshness to them. Tuesdays just seem to have no motivation or anything to them, they are the day that just kinda slinks on by without much being accomplished or noticed. But once they are past, then the week is half over and the thought of the upcoming weekend is enough to make the rest of the week bearable. At least in my view of things, thats how the week seems to work. Any way you look at it, I'm glad the Tuesday for this week is over. Although, this coming weekend is my weekend to work, so my break doesn't really come til Monday, but a weekend still seems weekendy even if you're working for some reason. Plus, we are playing at a fairly big show Friday night, so that is something to look forward to. (insert concert plug here) 5 band line up, Benedict Affair headlining with their brand new cd available for purchase and enjoyment. First band at 8:30, doors at 8, $5 for the show, or $10 for the show and the new CD.
Ok, the whole sleeping thing hasn't exactly been resolved for me, so I'm tired even tho its about 7 hours before my bed time, so I'm gonna go take a nap.
_____ of the day: A Tuesday is a terrible way to waste 1/7 of the week
The Tuesday'd Ogukuo

News Flash...

My body hates me!! And I can't say I blame it. I've pretty much been messed up sleepwise since the TX a week ago. Earlier this week I was gettin out of bed around 7 pm, not good. Cause then I wouldn't be tired the next morning at 7 am when I was tryin to go to sleep. So yesterday I took a sleeping pill, went to bed and slept from 9 to 3 pm. Then I woke up and I've been in an odd state of wake/drowsy since then. I'm hoping that goin to bed at a regular time (for me at least) and starving myself of sleep will help me get to sleep at a decent hour today.
In other news, after several months of research and comparing and looking I bought Andrew's Boss distortion pedal off of him on a whim. It was more or less a matter of him offering, I said sure, and that was that. I like it, it sounds better than the Big Muff I tried earlier, but that may have to do with a complete lack of knowledge of distortion pedals on my part. Either way, it adds some neat sound to my general bass output. Next in line is a pedal tuner so I have something to fuss with between songs. I'm still trying to decide between an uber cheap one that will be kinda tricky to work with, or a decent one that will be nice but cost a bit more. Oh decisions.
Besides that, life has been pretty vanilla. Oh, I'm looking for a new car. Any suggestions? Right now I'm in love with the Mazda3, its small, fuel efficient, semi-cheap, and kinda zippy, a good combo in my opinion. Hopefully I can find one to test drive soon, I really would like to know what they drive like before I'm totally sold on buying one.
Ok, short post, I'm off to fold laundry (I also bake, play piano, and like long walks on the beach, any takers??)
________ of the day: just kidding
The still-tired Ogukuo

Weekend in review

Friday night: 5 straight hours of M*A*S*H, does it get any better than that?? And, I didn’t go into work til 12:30 instead of 10:30 cause I had stayed an extra 2 hours that morning. I was happy.
Saturday: Me not so happy. I got home from work at 7ish, and tried to go straight to sleep cause I needed to be at the Beej at 12:30 for TX stuff, figured 4 hours would be better than no sleep at all. Well, I figured around 10:30 am after laying in bed for over 3 hours that I just wasn’t gonna fall asleep, so I gave up and got up. TX stuff all afternoon, well, actually we were onstage for about 5 minutes, but were there all afternoon. The show itself went well, we done good. I think a lot of new people know who we are now, so hopefully they will start coming to some shows and hear the rest of our stuff. The TX as a whole was a vast improvement over last year. A lot of good acts, it seems that there are a lot more talented people in this years freshman class than last years.
Sunday: I feel asleep like a rock at 3 am, and woke up at 7, fully awake but still tired. Don’t you hate that feeling? You can’t sleep but you’re really tired. And I didn’t fall asleep again til 10:30. Then I slept straight thru til 4 pm. This overnight shift is gonna kill me. I may switch to days just to have a real sleeping schedule again.
So now I got Monday night off, then work the rest of the week til Saturday night. Don’t know of any excitement this weekend. Actually, I’d kinda like to fast-forward life to the first week of March. Starting then we (hopefully) got a show on the 9th, I getta (hopefully) go to Omaha the next weekend, and we’re (hopefully) recording our first LP the weekend after that. March is looking pretty cool weekend-wise. If all the hopefullies happen, that is.
Ok, time to go see whats on the History Channel.
_______ of the day: I saw water dripping off a roof today! w00t!
The thawing out Ogukuo

Equality Ride

Any of you heard of that? It’s a program where homosexuals (Christians, from the appearance of their website) go on a nation wide tour of Christian colleges speaking about homosexuality and its relation to religion/church/relationships with God. They are coming to Dordt March 8 and 9, I’m quite interested to hear what they have to say. I think its fair to say (not to mention obvious) that they will take the stance that homosexuality is not a sin and that those who have that sexual orientation deserve the same rights as the general population. And I’m guessing presenting such an idea at Christian colleges will probably get met with a lot of resistance, most of it wrapped in a rather unfriendly package. I’ve been reading a little bit of what people have to say on DordtTalk and the Facebook group for the event, and the general premise of it is that people are not in agreement with the messege that Soulforce (the organization behind the whole thing) is putting forth. Some of the arguments are well thought out, some are nothing more than inflammatory remarks that don’t promote healthy conversation.
If you have the time, I’d recommend looking into whats being said by both sides. I dunno the whole schedule of events, but stuff is happening March 8 and 9, and there seems to be ongoing discussions on both DordtTalk and the Facebook group for the event. Click here to see a bit of what Soulforce has to say, they have a few good articles online, the ones I read where about homosexuality in the Bible and how Dr. James Dobson views homosexuality (look under the resources tab). I’m not saying I agree or disagree with what they say or how they say it, just that knowing what they stand for is helpful in being in the discussion.
_______ of the day: Huh, I got nothing
The Ogukuo

I've seen clouds from both sides now

The show, it was good. For the most part. Looks like we're almost set up to record an LP over spring break, I'm stoked.
I'm back at work after a 3 day weekend, and I'm glad. I like the time off, but it messes with my sleeping pattern so much. The first night I went to bed around 2 am and slept til 4:30 the next afternoon. And by slept, I mean I was in bed, I probably only slept half the time. Same thing Saturday night. I forced myself up Monday afternoon at 1:30, and then took a 2 hour nap later. Ahh the bliss of being back to sleeping from 8 am til 4 pm like normal.
So lately I've really been into Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell. Only song by her I know, from Love Actually. I dunno why, but its just the song I feel like listening to now. That and Nocturne 2 by Chopin. I've decided to stop trying to play pop music on piano and focus on classical, for a few reasons. A) pop music almost never stands alone on piano, its always played with guitar and drums, etc, making it hard to practice alone, and 2) its really hard to find free sheet music for pop songs online. However, finding .pdf files of classical pieces is really easy. Nocturne 2 is my latest endevour, it'll prolly last a week or so and then I'll realize its way too hard for me and I'll give up. Its such a beautiful piece, but kinda hard to play.
Things to look forward to this week: TX rehersal on Thursday evening, and TX on Saturday. That was stupid, I shouldn't have written that, oh well. Ok, I'm done
_____ of the day: "celibrate your countries freedom by blowing up a small part of it"
The somewhat random Ogukuo

Oh, one of those blogs

I seem to be in a pattern of posting right before goin on my biweekly 3 day weekend. So, instead of dissapointing the 2.7 people who read my blog, I'm gonna keep tradition and blog, since I have a 3 day weekend coming up :).
Whats interesting is my entire 3 day weekend is going to revolve around about 20 minutes of music that are to take place Saturday evening. Yup, another OJK show. We are opening for AY (I'm too lazy to type out their name, but not too lazy to type out this whole paranthesis'd explanation). On an entirely related note, we made it in to TX. Yay, go team. Assuming the exponential drop in attendance of the TX doesn't continue, we should be playing for a good size crowd, with lights and monitors and other fancy trinkets that are neat.
Besides those two tidbits of musical funness, theres not really much to write about. Except perhaps that my landlord thinks we use too much soap when we do laundry, causing water to back up when the washing machine drains. I personally think it has more to do with an entire washing machine drums worth of water being forced into the system in about a minutes worth of time, but silly me, what do I know? I only delivered and set up washer/dryer sets for a few years of my highschool existance. Can anyone really justify the reasoning that soapy water would back up a system when water from the sink or toilet or shower wouldn't? Certainly doesn't make sense to me, but like I said, what do I know?
Ok, enough sarcasm and witty satire for now, too much sugar will give you cavities, you know.
_______ of the day: to quote a "beauty" from 'Beauty and the Geek' last night: "You can take a beauty out to the ranch, but you can't take the bikini out of the beauty" Huh??
The 'only 3 more hours' Ogukuo

I hate blogger, but love irony

First off, I'd like to offer a hearty "FUCK YOU!" to blogger and google for forcing me to switch to the new blogger. Yes, forcing, I no longer could sign in and blog, it automatically switched me to a page where I had to switch formats. I don't care if it offers more shiny beads and trinkets, I dont give a damn!! Sigh, this is what 'progress' brings us I guess. So now everyone stand in line next to me, raise your right arm to a 45 degree angle and yell "See Kyle" over and over (say See Kyle, it sounds strikingly like a certain German phrase). The Nazis had pieces of flare they made the Jews wear.
So, despite the fact that I now hate blogger, I actually have something quite amusing to post. I think its amusing at least, but I like irony. This morning on my way home from work an ad came on the oldies radio station for some call-in contest to win $1000 for Valetine's Day. It was called 'Cash for Couples' or something really cheesy like that. I was thinking to myself that if I called in and somehow won, they probably wouldn't give me the money because I'm single. Then I started stewing about the whole idea of Valentine's Day in general, and how someone renamed it Singles Awareness Day (SAD), and how everyone expects you to at least have a date on February 14. Well, I work that night anyway, thank goodness. But anyway, back to the radio, once they were done with their little schpeel about the contest, they went back to playing music, and the first song they played was Rhymin' Paul Simon's "50 ways to leave your lover." I smiled inside, oh the thought of someone at the radio station actually having a sarcastic sense of humor at the unholy hour of 6:45 am was just pure awesomeness.
So I thought I would share that bit of sarcastic irony with all of you, since I doubt anyone else was up at that hour, especially on a Saturday morning. And now, after 4 pm, its time for me to get showered, dressed, and start my day :).
______ of the day: If you don't find that at least a bit funny, I feel sorry for you
The pissed off/laughing Ogukuo

Looking for a change?

Anyone wanna move to Fluelen, Switzerland with me? I toured there a few years ago and out of all the places I visited in Europe (which was alot, although not alot of time at each place) Fluelen was my favorite. Its on the Southern tip of Lake Lucerne, about an hour from the city of Lucerne. It is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Also one of the cleanest, drinking fountains pumped water right out of the lake, in fact its perfectly safe to drink right out of the lake, and the water has a sweet taste to it. I wish I could move there. If only I spoke French, German, Italian or Rumantsch, the four official languages of Switzerland. German is predominant in the Canton (county/state) of Uri where Fluelen is located. But, learning German wouldn't be that hard, would it? Maybe I should start doing that now. So, anyone interested in learning German and moving to Switzerland with me?
_____ of the day: mountains!!!!
The day-dreaming Ogukuo

I hate it when I write up a tiddy little article and forget a title...

So I think my little blog temper tantrum on Sunday was indeed caused by lack of sleep/wacked out sleeping sch. Now that I'm back to being up all night and sleeping all day I feel better. Of course, the question remains of what to do every other weekend when I have off. I think most of the issue stemmed from goin to bed as late as I could (somewheres around 3 am usually) and then having no reason to really get up the next day, thus causing me to stay in bed or just in pajamas around the house til about 3 pm. Kinda made me sluggish the rest of the day when I was awake. But, now I don't have to worry about it for another week and a half, so I won't. Right now preoccupying my mind is a test I need to take next week to make me certified to administer drugs to the boys at the home. I'm told its not hard, but if I screw up I have to take the class (3 hour classes on 4 different nights) over again, and I don't wanna waste the time. Plus, if I pass, I getta put my signature and initials on doctory looking forms, making me feel all medical and doctor like. Between my love for M*A*S*H, my newfound love of Scrubs, and my horrible handwriting, I'm pretty sure I was meant to be a doctor. Alas, another hidden talent that shall remain hidden.
Well, I could rant on pointlessly, but I've gotta commetment to another blog that I should fulfill, so I think I'll call it quits and write a little story or something on my xanga site.
______ of the day: zoigdorf
The easy days night Ogukuo

Sorrow and Salvation

You ever get in one of those moods where everything and everyone around you annoy the crap out of you? I'm in that mood right now for some reason. All I wanna do is listen to music (right now its Ethan Koerner playing on my iTunes) and ignore everything else around me. I think it may be because my sleep pattern is so screwed up since I'm on my 3 day weekend. As much as I like having the evenings off, staying up all night by myself sucks, and going to bed early doesn't work. I tried taking a sleeping pill to get to sleep early, theoretically allowing me to get up early the next day and actually be productive. Didn't work, ended up laying in bed (sometimes sleeping, sometimes not) for about 11 hours anyway. And then I was tired all day. So tonight I'm just gonna go to bed when I feel like it, get up when I wake up and make the most of it. And I know that tomorrow night at work is gonna really suck. Oh well, thats my life I guess.
______ of the day: "Somewhere someone is loving you"-Somewhere
The annoyed Ogukuo

For all you artsy types...

There's a gallery opening Saturday night! In the Humble Bean. If you've happened to wander in there over the past few weeks you've probably noticed some new pieces adorning the walls, those would be my photography works. I'm holding the official opening Saturday evening, starting around 7. I'll be speaking a bit about the works at 7:30. I'm also bribing people with homemade carmel fudge brownies and M&M cookies and trail mix (not homemade). The last batch of brownies was taken out of the oven 2 minutes ago, literally. So if you are interested in photography, or just like baked goods come to the Bean Saturday evening.
Ok, done with the commercial, time for a blog. Everyone is either gone for good, gone for a while, or gone to ACTF. It's fricken boring around here!!! Last night I was so bored I had a sugar packet eating contest with some random guy in the grille. Ok, just kidding, I actually worked in the darkroom a bit and (surpise!) hung out in the Bean. In a moment of optimism I bought a roll of canvas at the bookstore. I tell myself I'm gonna use it to paint on. I hope it actually sees that use instead of sitting in my basement nicely folded up holding the carpet down. I have a 3 day weekend starting in a few hours. Tomorrow night will most likely end up being wasted (the time, not me) b/c no one is really around. Saturday night will be spent doing the art opening thing and attending the Peasants concert, which will hopefully lead to some sort of social gathering back at the townhouse. I'm hoping to find someone who has cable on Sunday night because the History channel is doing a special on Fort Knox then. Yeah, I lead such an exciting life. I accidentally called a friend of mine tonight who I haven't talked to since summer, and before that for years. In my phone contacts list she is SaraH, and I was trying to call my sister, Sarah. Stupid capital letters. But it was fun talking to her, kinda like opening a time capsule talking to someone you haven't for a long time. That last sentance was poorly written, but I don't feel like changing it, you know what I mean. I'm really really tired. The past few nights (er, days) I haven't gotten more than 6 good hours of sleep each. I was gonna take a nap tonight at work, but I ended up baking 2.5 dozen cookies and two pans of brownies, it took a long time. And now its too late, not worth trying to sleep. But, 7 am is but a few hours away, and then I shall find several hours of blissful unconscieness. I'm debating about dreading my hair, what do you think?
_______ of the day: Oh goodness, what are we gonna do with you?
The baked Ogukuo

I just realized something rather odd. I wanna be single. For the time being, at least.
I was thinking thru the girls who I kinda like (all guys do that, girls do too, I'm sure) and was wondering what I would do if someone suddenly showed interest in me. Then I realized I kinda don't want that. I dunno why, I mean, I still am intersted in girls (some more than others obviously), but I realized that right now I just don't want a girlfriend. Its weird, I don't know what brought about this change, but to be honest, I'm quite thankful! I still know I want a girlfriend, but not right now. I'm rather blown away by the feeling, not used to it. Who knows, maybe its just something that will pass in a few hours, or days, or maybe it'll stick around for a while. Either way, it probably doesn't make any difference the outlook for me dating any time soon.
Well, just thought I would throw that out there for no particular reason other than I guess it would count as news.
That, and we have a new roommate who is official moved in now. Hes been in for 4 days or so, and I think I've seen him twice. Oh the crazy busy lives we lead.
______ of the day: I'm in pain from taking a spill on my bike
The limping (ok, not that bad) Ogukuo

I'm poor, no really

Its the long week, 7 nights of work in a row. And a few training classes and an inservice on infectious disease control. I learned 3 things about the flu, first that influenza is derived from the Italian word for 'influence of the stars', secend that I can catch the flu by being around others who have the flu, and third, getting a solid 8 hours of sleep will help my immune system fight off the flu. So wait, I woke up after only 5 hours of sleep to learn the root of a word, that I should avoid sick people, and that not sleeping enough increases my chance of getting sick. Hmmmmmm
I also briefly went over my incoming cash trickle and my outgoing cash dam rupture. Seems to be that by my calculations, I'm poor (financially, at least). All I can say is that health insurance is the worst idea ever, and somebody who is not me is making a whole ton of money off that idea. And, student loans are worse than a space vacuum at sucking the life out of someone. I need to come up with a great idea, like the pet rock. The guy who invented that, he made a million dollars! Either that or I need to start taking pennies from the tray (not the jar, thats for the crippled children).
I just watched a History Channel special on vampires, it was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I'm looking forward to next weeks Modern Marvels on balls. Should be bouncing.
______ of the day: neat
The rolling Ogukuo

Short, unorganized, and boring

So yesterday when I called home (a Sunday tradition), my mom asked me if I had gone to church that morning. I, of course, said no, because I hadn't, and will probably never go to a morning service again while I have my current job. This didn't bode well with my mom, who believes I should still find a way to go to church in the morning. Well, the question of weather or not I'll be going to church in the mornings anytime soon is pretty much answered (no, duh), but it does bring up a valid question that is pretty obviously answered already too. Is it wrong for me to miss church because of my job, and my sleeping habits because of my job? Or should I just find a way to make it every Sunday morning? Despite that fact that it means either staying up about 4 hours later than normal, or start my normal sleep pattern only to get up 2 hours later? Obviously, either of these would mean that I basically would be sleeping in church, thus negating any reason for going in the first place. But, would I still earn my Heaven points for being there? Ok, I'm being sarcastic, obviously I don't think I stand in fear of being condemned for missing morning services. I won't get into a discussion about working on Sunday either, I already did that blog, mid December, I believe.
So now I leave you slightly confused, annoyed with my spelling and gross misuse of punctuation, and onto reading the next blog on your list. Have a good day!
_______ of the day: common floor spaces between lying dogs must be dangerous
The "7 day forcast for me=work" Ogukuo

Catchy witty title

Yay for good stuff and things. So yesterday afternoon I went to the bean and started laying out my photography show with Matt. After seeing what I had and where it would be displayed I have some more work to do in the darkroom over the weekend, but I should be finished and have everything up on Monday. Just in time for school to start again. Debating about an art opening, if I'm gonna have one, and what it'll be like. Dunno yet, we'll see if it happens.
So I have about 2 more hours of work, and then I'm done til Monday night, I can't wait. It'll be the first decent break I've had since coming back to SC right before New Years. 3 whole days off in a row. And next weekend I'll be taking Saturday night off cause we got a show in OC. You (yes, you) should come to it. And speaking of you, whoever you are, you should come back to Sioux Center. Soon. If Dordt is officially in your past, come back and visit! If Dordt is in your present, come back!! Ok, thats my pathetic cry for the post, I'm done.
And now, I go back and watch more Boy Meets World on the Disney Channel. I'm in love with Tapanga. At least I was when I watched the show on TGIF. Anyone else remember those good old days?
_______ of the day: Yay Friday
The 309 Ogukuo

Generic Post

Know whats semi-depressing? Hanging out with married couples. Ok, its fun. they are good friends and I love hanging out with them, but its depressing because alot of the people who are around and my age are married. Hurray for playing 3rd (or 5th) wheel!! (for those of you keeping score, chalk this one up as another 'I'm single' blog)
So my former roommate and I formulated a list of girls who I should persue. Unfortunately for me, said roomie is engaged, and therefore somewhat unknowledgeable of the current availability of the females in the area. He suggested several girls who are dating, and even a few married ones. Sigh. Once we cut out the attached girls, and those who I know would kill me in any sort of relationship, we came up with three. But really only two, cause one I barely know, and therefore wouldn’t go for. And the two remaining are awesome girls, and would probably not be interested in me. And, of course, the thought of me actually asking either of them is utterly unthinkable, as I am a coward. Perhaps I should work on that. That way I could actually ask a girl and get shot down instead of just wondering forever. I honestly don’t know which is worse. I know which is easier tho.
And thats enough on that. For tonight at least.
______ of the day: 7 work days in a row, I'm tired.
The "working" Ogukuo

Odds and ends

Nothing major to blog about.....
Heard a country cover of Hinder's Lips of an Angel, and a little piece of me died inside. Now, granted, that song was never the greatest song ever written, but it was pretty good. That is, until it got played on the radio every 2 hours for 6 months straight. And then country-ized. So, it basically went from a decent listenable song to not even worth stopping on the radio dial for.
I just looked thru a photo album for one of the boys who lives here, James. He totally rocks. Always a smile on his face. Hes one of those guys who makes you feel better about life just by being around him. And he loves to sing, its fun to listen to him too.
Its the weekend. For most people at least, my first real day off is gonna be next Friday. I have Monday off, but I'm driving down to Omaha and back then. Its not a bad thing, and I don't mind it, just a lack of free time.
Another week and people start showing up again, right? Something like that? Looking forward to it, but its also gonna be sad, because alot of close friends aren't coming back :(.
I made a batch of M&M cookies tonight, they are pretty good. I also made chicken enchiladas to cook tomorrow night for dinner. With some ambition (often lacking) and flipping thru the cook book, hopefully this will happen more often. Actually, thats my next activity for tonight, looking thru the cook book for something else that looks tasty and easy to make. With any luck I may be self-sufficent yet. Well, in the food making realm, anyway. All I need now is my own clean, large, dishwasher-equiped, pantry equiped, stainless steel kitchen. Tomorrow I work on folding clothes...
I have a slight headache. Its been coming and going for the past week or so. Perhaps a sinus thing, seems to be a common theme for the past few winters.
My soul goal for tomorrow is to replace a hose on my car and hopefully revive it to running status. Doesn't sound hard, but you have to consider my a) lack of daylight in which to operate, as I don't get up til 3 pm, and my eyes aren't open til 4 at best, and b) my extreme ineptitude with anything resembling auto mechanics. If you happen to see my trapped under the hood of a car at any point, please render all assitance possible.
Well, I think this post is odd enough to end.
______ of the day: seeing daylight again at some point would be nice.
The nocturnal Ogukuo

Happy 2007!!

Its here! Oh wait, its no different.... oh well, its a good excuse to have a party. Fun times for new years. More people that expected=awesomeness.
So heres a list of random resolutions I'm gonna make up as I go along...
1. excersize. Ok, not so random, cause I got the time at work to do it, and the reason, just lacking the ambition, working on that one.
2. find a girl. hmmm, yeah, been on the resolution list for several years now. Still hasn't happened. Perhaps it should be one of those 'I'm gonna do it if it so happens to be right' things instead of a 'I want the girl by years end' thing.
3. Adopt a pet ferrit
4. Find out the reason someone invented the buttom up fly, the stupidest idea ever.
5. Invest in a business no one has heard of now, but by years end is the biggest success ever.
6. Build my own guitar.
7. Read the LOTR trilogy and the Chronicles series.
8. Buy new socks and t-shirts.
9. Figure out how exactly Iowa Student Loans operates, as it is a great mystery.
10. Solve a Rubik's Cube in under 2 minutes.
11. Memorize my license plate number.
12. Never ever buy Barefoot champagne again.
13. Take down Decembers work sch and put up Januarys.
14. Not get bitten by a rabid dog.
15. Not get bitten by any kind of mouse.
16. Be involved in situations that lead to very amusing stories later.
17. Enjoying those moments as they happen.
18. Come and go as I please.
19. Invent something neat.
20. Shorten and liven up my blogs.
21. Go to bed now because I'm tired for some reason.
______ of the day: Does a new start mean things have to change?
The mostly unchanged Ogukuo

May the success of God go with you. Cause its not going with me!

Well, the inevitable happened last night. I got into a fight with my Grandma about music. 6 months ago I gave her a copy of Better Than Dead Air: The EP so she could hear what OJK sounded like. Suprisingly her and my Grandpa listened to it alot, had my uncle listen to it, and they liked it. And by like it I mean they didn't throw the CD at a cow. They liked it as much as old people can like rock. She told me there was just something missing about it tho. I held my breath and waited for it.......and she asked if we were a Christian band. I knew it was coming, it has been for a long time now. So I explaned that we were 4 Christian guys in a band. She asked if our lyrics were Christian. This led to a conversation on music and bands and Christian bands and why she thought I was condemned to hell. Ok, she didn't say that, but she did say that we would be much more successful if our music was Christian. Not because of the market for Christian music, but because God blesses those who serve in his kingdom. At this point my dad couldn't take it any longer and asked her (keep in mind this is his Mother In Law) if she believed Rockafeller was the most Christian man to ever live. "Well, no, of course not" she said. The arguement ensued that he was vastly successful in business, and that must have been a direct blessing from God for being such a good Christian. I don't think my grandma liked that any cause it basically shot her theory down to heresy. Needless to say, the conversation soon ended and I (with some well timed and well spoken help from my dad) convinced everyone in the room (with the exclusion of my grandma probably) that an artist in any medium need not be expressly Christian to be influencial, successful or a Christian. So in the end, she said she has no doubt our music will be popular and I probably got myself written out of the will. She said we would be popular, but unless we were expressly Christian, we wouldn't be successful. I'm interested to see if she brings it up again, I kinda hope she does. My dad later thanked me for most likely getting us disowned from the family. Hehehe. I fould the whole thing rather an educational experiance (although it was my grandma who got schooled), and entertaining, especially when my dad jumped in on my side. So thats my grand adventure from the evening.
______ of the day: Hope floats, but kitchen sink.
The 'holey-bread!-break-is-almost-over!' Ogukuo

And now for something we hold you'll really like

So I celibrated my 2 dozenth Christmas yesterday. I've decided that the best part of Christmas is family. I got a few fun gifts, but the best part of the whole ordeal was card games and throwing around stories with all the cousins.
Heres one cousin and 4 first cousins once removed. Yup, theres a whole new generation of males in the Van Dyken lineage to carry on the tradition of lacking a girl. So far the tally is up to 6 in my generation and 4 in the next generation sans gf. Of course the oldest of the next gen is only a freshman in highschool, so they have some time.






Here's the parental units being all jolly and such.














Here's Grandpa. He was celibrating his 94th Christmas. Most of his gifts were chocolate, which he was more than willing to share :).











So one of my gifts was a new digital camera, which is to thank for new addition of pictures to my blog. Its a fun toy. Can't wait to get back and do some shooting around with friends at parties like everyone else. And I can show off all the pictures of my family and place of dwelling. I've finally given into digital, but of course, strictly for the reason of capturing memories. I'll stick to film for the artistic realm. Hopefully I'll capture some of that later this week. I hope to head up to the mountains and to see them and perhaps shoot a few shots. That is, assuming it clears up by then. Its supposed to be raining here tonight and tomorrow. At least its not terribly cold, somewheres in the 50s.
Ok, I suppose thats all I have for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say once I've gotten together with my old buddies later this week. Crazy times (such as a game of Risk) are always around the corner with this group!! Maybe even a rousing game of "remember in high school when..." Oh yeah, crazy dangerous group.
______ of the day: Commas are raining in the chit-chat area of sector G.
The Christmas'd Ogukuo

Friends and Theology (not related, just my chosen rant topics tonight)

People are leaving, most have left. Some I'll never see again. Or rarely will. I miss them already. Maybe sticking around Dordt will make things harder in the long run. Instead of a clean break, I deal with losing friends every few months. So heres a question, is it worth sticking around for the quality times you know you'll have if it also prolongs the pain of goodbyes? I could be back in CA right now not caring about people leaving Dordt. My mood would be better, I'd be happier. But I'd also have missed all the fun of this past semester. And the fun of this coming semester, even tho its gonna suck with people leave in May as well. I dunno what the answer is. Maybe its a good life lesson. Or maybe I'll keep stronger long distance friendships with these people because I stuck around. Time will tell, I guess.
Saturday I head down to Blair, NE. As near as I can tell, I get to bake brownies and Christmas cookies, have spagetti for supper, and sleep on a sofa bed. Yay. I'm looking forward to it. And Sunday I head to Eppley Airfield, Denver, Sacramento, and home (God and weather willing, mostly God, of course). This will be the first time flying on a Sunday. Perhaps that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me. I really wanted to book a flight on Friday or Saturday, but Sunday being Christmas Eve, it was much cheaper (and it had to do with work sch, among other things). Growing up, Sunday was reserved for church, family time, relaxation, and naps. We never went out to eat, shopping, or even gassed up the car. Nothing that would require us to "work", or to make others "work". I still try to avoid eating out or shopping or anything like that on Sunday. I know, that sounds old fashioned and very letter of the law. I struggle with what to make of the whole thing. Of course, theres the OT law, very strict and rule oriented, and the NT interpretation by Jesus that encouraged the spirit of the law, but how far before the meaning is lost altogether? I guess for me, Sunday is more about what you do, not what you don't do. And by doing something like flying, I believe I'm missing out on the important aspects of Sunday, such as relaxing. And I could try to justify it by saying I'll nap on the plane, or I can read the Bible on my layover. Way to aspire to that letter of the law!! I know Pastor Herm did a sermon a while back on the meaning of the Sabboth, and he came to a very different conclusion than what I hold to. So does that mean I'm wrong? Of course, if I come to the conclusion that I agree with him, it goes against what was taught in the church I grew up in, so would that make me wrong? What a wonderful catch-22. So the answer is I don't know. Perhaps it isn't a defined sin to grocery shop on Sunday or go out for coffee after church. But its something I personally am gonna try to avoid. And please don't take this as me preaching at you if you do those things on Sunday, I'm not. I'm merely working it out in my own mind. You're just lucky (or bored) enough to come along for the ride.
So, as with so many other posts, I again have no idea where this came from, just a rant. Now I turn to the panel for your input....
_____ of the day: Today is the first day of winter, 4:30 am, in Iowa, and its raining outside!! Not snowing, sleeting, freezing rain, no, real rain!!!!
The breaked Ogukuo

The greatest thing you'll ever learn...

is just to love and be loved in return.
I watched Moulin Rouge! tonight, but you coulda figured that out by the blog title if you've seen the movie. I liked it. I watched it a few years ago and didn't like it then. I'm pretty sure the movie hasn't changed... huh. Its evidentially part of an unofficial trilogy by director Baz Luhrmann. Its part 3, Romeo+Juliet is part 2, and Strictly Ballroom is part 1. Never heard of Strictly Ballroom, but I really like the other two, so I think I’ll check it out.
The weekend is over. I’m back to work for the week. But only til Friday morning, then I’m off for the rest of the year! Yay!! This weekend was a good weekend, over all. Went to morning church for the first time in a month today. Probably won’t again for quite a while . People seem to like condemning me for that. I guess it makes them feel extra holy or something. Good for them, if it gives them a self-serving high, who am I to reign down reality on them?
I think Christmas dinner with my family is gonna be interesting. Mostly cause I’ve changed, as in my taste in music, movies, views on politics, etc. I think I may be a bit outside of the “mainstream” of the rest of my family now. Lively discussion is eminent. And I look forward to it.
I’ve lost track of this post, so instead of wandering aimlessly thru random thoughts I’m just gonna pull the brakes now and save you a lot of time and eye rolling.
_______ of the day: the first part appears easy to fall into, but the second part seems to be impossible to attain.
The staying Ogukuo

When darkness turns to light

Wednesday already. Well, Thursday, actually. For some reason this week is goin fast. WHich means this weekend will too, not good. I haven't posted in a while, but thats because I don't have anything to say really. Sunday night was cool, a very good show over all, not personally, but over all. Some connections made, friends made, fun time had, brownies eaten, Beej rocked.
A week from now I'll be getting ready to head home. I'm a little worried. I'm only gonna have 5 days or so to split between several different groups of people, all of whom I want to see and spend time with. And hopefully some time by myself. For the past 6 months I have wanted nothing more than to drive up into the mountains and spend some time just soaking it in. When I'm home I'll have that chance. If I can get away for a day to do it. No planned stops, no camera, no sled, only my senses to remember what true beauty is. I think we all need that once in a while. Sadly we rarely realize it, and even rarerly search it out. I'm gonna try. My heart could also use a refill on family and old friends. I fear coming back here and being hit by the full reality that is January.
Thats all for now folks.
_______ of the day: When all you got to keep is strong, move along move along
The moving-along Ogukuo

A good 3 point CRC sermon. Err, post I mean.

I think staying up all night has allowed me to really think about life and come to some conclusions about it. And I mean general conclusions, of course, I still don't know any specifics. So tonights ramblings consist of three parts: pt. 1, moving on; pt. 2, job; pt. 3, the future.

Part one: Moving on. It suddenly struck me (since I've been trying to deny it for a while) that several of my closest friends will not be around next semester, or after that, in most cases. It brings a tear to my eye, literally. I have a few more weeks, and then those relationships as I know them are over. I want as much time with you (and you know who you are) now while I can. I guess that makes me selfish. Or human. But, this isn't all bad. I mean people moving away is, but we have a new roommate for next semester, and people basically lining up for this summer. May not sound like a big deal, but it is to me, being rather poor and wanting roomies to spread the wealth and to hang out with. Yay for people who are sticking around :).

Part two: The job. Yeah, this is an interesting one. I'm really enjoying it, sans ending my social life at 10 pm most nights. I enjoy the free time at work, I enjoy being able to bake at work (hopefully more of that in the future), and most of all I think I'm going to enjoy working with the boys. Obviously right now I don't have much contact with them, but I know I'll be working some morning shifts at some point, and perhaps even days sooner or later. And I'm looking forward to it. I know these kids can have behavioral problems, but from everyone has said, its alot of fun to work with them, and they are really great guys. I'm looking forward to finding out for myself.

Part three: The future. So, here it is. I'm a California boy. Always have been, and evidentally always will be. Living in NW Iowa for the past 6 months I've come to realize how much I miss California. A few nights ago I was driving into work and was on a rather flat part of the country side, and for some reason the lights and trees and whatever suddenly looked just like an area along a road out in the country I drive down frequently back in CA. My heart skipped a beat, I wanted so badly to be back there. And today I got a package from my parents that had fresh oranges from our orange tree in our yard, as well as polmagranates. I've been eating oranges all summer, and what I got tonight was 10 times better than the best orange I ever bought in a store here. I miss mountains, the ocean, fresh fruit, fresh vegitables, the weather, and all that goes along with those things. And a million other small things. Ok, I know, I do have a ton of reasons why I dont like CA, and they still stand, but man, I really really miss all the things on the plus side. I've come to the conclusion that for the sake of myself I'm gonna have to move back to California sooner or later if nothing else convinces me otherwise. Such as finding someplace better. Sorry to Iowa people, but Iowa ain't it.

So thats that. Lemme know what you think.

______ of the day: Easy come, easy go, but what if it doesn't come easy?
The _______ Ogukuo

Free time!

Wow, for the first time in 5 days I had a few free hours tonight where I wasn't working, sleeping, or driving between the two aforementioned activities. It was odd, I felt guilty sitting in the bean talking with friends. And at the same time, it was rapturous! Ok, dunno if thats a word, or if it is, if its slightly sputtonous. Probably not, oh well. It was like being at the townhouse on a weekend, but it was in the bean, the group of people was fun and exciting.
In a matter of 3 short hours I will be goin home to experiance a break of 40 hours from work, oh joy! And the highlight of those 40 hours will be the 1/2 hour I spend on stage tomorrow night at our show. Its been a while since we had a show, I'm glad we're having one again. Er, two again, since we have one on Sunday as well. And Jeff is back in town!! (or should be by this time, at least). So looking forward to seeing him. Hes one of those guys who I never really got to know, cause I met him too late and he left too soon, but I know hes a cool guy, and very much look forward to seeing him.
So I'm on two pages right now, one blogging, and the other looking at a Fender Jaguar. It is very pretty. And very expensive (by my standards). Wanna get me a Christmas present?? :) Ideally that will be my next big musical purchase, but who knows. If I actually start playing piano like I should and want to, perhaps I'll buy a decent keyboard first. And by keyboard I mean more like electric piano, or whatever you call those nice ones, not something that sounds like pain being delivered thru a 3 1/2 inch speaker. I should start taking lessons again not because I need to learn, but to force myself to actually practice.
Ok, I could go on, but then I'd never end, once again I apologize for a long post, and congradulate and thank you if you made it all the way thru.
_______ of the day: any one else like The Fray?
The in-the-dark Ogukuo

Oops, I forgot a title

Greetings and welcome to another mid night fireside talk. I'm writing a bit early tonight, but I'm trying to avoid watching tv all night at work. I've kinda done that the last few nights, and I wanna get something productive done instead. Wait a minute, I'm blogging!! Well, its not tv, its a step in the right direction.
I had my first dream about work last night. Normally I'm off work at 6:30 just when the kids are getting up, but a a few times now I've stuck around for the morning ruitine of showers, breakfast, etc. That'll prolly happen more with bad weather delaying the morning people from coming in. Anyway, my dream was about the morning shift. And its wierd, cause it was partially very realistic, like I was actually in the home where I work, the kids I work with were here, and the layout was all the same. And I was helping them thru the morning ruitine that I'd actually be helping them with. But the dream was also very odd, cause there was one door in the room that lead to an indoor tennis court (FYI, that doesn't exist for realsies here). So when I had a few minutes between getting the boys ready and doin room checks, etc (which does happen, theres always a few breaks in the ruitine) I would step in there and play some tennis. I'd play for a while, then go back and keep the boys moving and getting ready for school. I dunno, very strange. Analize me, I'm sure its a sign of something.
On an unrelated note, I realized something yesterday (or Sunday, I dunno with my new sleeping sch its really hard to tell what "yesterday", "today", and "tomorrow" mean anymore). My group of 6 buds from highschool are all gonna be in Ripon over Christmas break. Kinda rare that we'll all be there at the same time, hasn't happened more than a few times since HS grad. Looking forward to it, should be some quality catching up time (most likely over lunch at Pizza Plus and a game of Risk, hurray for silly traditions!!). However, I realized that in the 5 years (yikes!!) since graduating HS, one of my old friends is married, 2 more are gonna be this summer, and all 5 of the guys besides me have "real" jobs. And here I am working the graveyard shift at a temporary job. Ok, its full time, pays decently, and I get some perks like paid days off, etc, but its by no means what I would call a career. And I have no hint of a girl. Seems like I'm kinda running last in the race. And part of me feels bad about it, since they are all getting settled into life and I'm not, while part of me is glad. I mean, I like still hanging out with all the college kids, having social gatherings every weekend and basically living bachelor life to its fullest (as in a messy room and unmade bed). And obviously there would be a significant sacrafice there when I find a job and/or girl. I was talking to someone this past weekend about how that special someone will change me. And duh, of course thats gonna happen. And finding a career type job will change me too. Part of me wants those changes, and part of my doesn't. And the part of me that doesn't seems to be holding on pretty strong since I'm taking no major steps towards changing either of those areas. Its gonna be interesting to look back in 5 years and see how I progress from a 23 year old hanging on to college life to being more settled down and living a "real" life. That is, assuming that in 5 years I've reached that point, tough to say. Who knows, by then I may be traveling the country in the biggest band since the Beatles.
Well, I have pleanty more to say, but I'll save it for later.
___________________ of the day: Thats an awefully big ____, I don't think I have anything profound enough to fill it
The "I'm 2/3 the way thru my 13 hour work day! yay!" Ogukuo

Status Quo

I've come to a few realizations the past few days. First, I'm glad to be alive, and second, I want to be musical.
For anyone who is feeling down about life, I highly recommend watching Garden State. I watched it a few nights ago at work, and it made me so glad to be alive. I dunno, it just seemed to kinda kick me and say "hey, live life to its fullest, enjoy what you have, strive for what you don't, and cut your losses for what you can't have". Good words to hear, even in the abstract. Not to mention some recent events in my life have made me very grateful for what I have and what I take for granted. You probably don't know what I'm talking about, but be thankful with me for certain things that arn't nearly as bad as they could have been. I think being away from family is taking its toll. Being home for Christmas and seeing those who are the closest to me will be a very very good thing. I just wish they new me better for who I am and what I do. As much as I love my family, I don't think they get how much art and music play a part in my life. I guess its my job to try to enlighten them.
I also am going to try from this point on to make a concerted effort to spend more time playing piano, guitar, and writing music. Since those talents don't exactly shine at this point I want to work on them so that I can be more accomplished in them. I know somewhere buried deep down I really have a talent for music, its just a matter of finding it and practicing and bringing it out. And not working on that would be wasteful and sinful and just plain a shame. God, please give me discipline.
_______ of the day: I'll take boring over tragic
The thankful Ogukuo

And then this comes

About 12 hours ago a young man from North Hall passed on. Out of the blue, totally unexpected. I didn't know him. But I feel a connection to him through community. Already last night there was a prayer service. I saw many people affected by his absence, most of whom didn't know him.
Hearing of his death reminded me of 3 young men from my high school who died too young as well. One by a car accident, one by a heart defect, and one by his own hand. Each one a special boy, as I'm sure Jon was.
Say a prayer for his family, his friends, and his community.

Sorry, its a long one...

So my last post went kinda ranty about having lots of stuff and being rich and yet unsatisfied. The truth is, I am satisfied with what I have. I mean, in the broad sense I am, of course there are those times when I really wish I had whatever the toy of the moment is. Sometimes its new guitar stuff, sometimes its something completely random that I would probably never use.
But I was thinking about it, and the thing I usually find myself wanting more of is human relationships. And I know I have that, I have wonderful friends, and I love you all, but I know I could be better at it, as in a better friend. That’s where a real richness is, not in whatever toys I have. I realized at some point that I’m usually making my, shall we say, negative posts whenever I haven’t been hanging out with friends for a while. They don’t come after not watching tv for a while, or after my computer goes down. And that’s why I love the weekend, not cause I have more free time to sit in front of the tv, but that’s when people come over. It’s also why I love hanging out in the Bean or in the art area. I usually find people there to talk to and hang out with. Of course, part of human relationships is also that ever so elusive relationship with a member of the opposite gender. But, yeah, I’ll take what I can get for now. And for now that’s great friendships, and I’m very happy with those. Hopefully any future elusive exclusive relationship doesn’t detract from my other friendships, that’d just suck.
I like my life right now. It’s by no means perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful for what I do have. I have wonderful friendships, I’m close to a community that I feel I’m part of, and access to means to create art. For the past year or so I’ve been dreading growing up and eventually moving on with my life, and I’m trying to get over that. If I spend all my time cringing because I know in a few years my life will be different than it is now, I’m gonna miss what is actually happening around me. That’s a tough one to fight with. I guess it’s because I like my life now, and knowing that it’ll be changing is not a happy thought. At least the uncertainty of what it will bring is. Who knows, maybe in 3 years I’ll be married and have a wonderful life starting somewhere else besides Dordt. Ok, its unlikely, but possible.
Ever find yourself wondering when God is going to show you the way your life is going to go? As if you feel like you life is kinda paused and nothing is really happening and that at some point something needs to happen to give your life direction? And then you look back on the past several years and realized that its already happening? That life isn’t really on hold, that it is happening and just because it isn’t coming easy doesn’t mean its not happening. I think I’m starting to get there. I always picture my life starting when I get married and I have my own house and a real “normal” job. Then I’ll have everything figured out, I’ll know what the rest of my life will be like. Yeah, fat chance. I won’t know then, and I don’t know now. Although, granted, I will have a better idea what my life will look like when those things happen, but it’ll also lead to more questions.
Ok, I don’t know where I’m going with any of this, so take it for what its worth. I fear that my new job allowing my copious amounts of time to blog isn’t going to be good for my long blog habit. With the time I have, the blogs are gonna get longer and longer. Hopefully with meaningful content, but I guess we’ll see about that. For now I’ll call it quits, hopefully your not banging your head against the wall at this point.
______ of the day: More rants on material possessions to follow?The working Ogukuo

What time is it?

So, I came to the conclusion that its Monday a few hours ago. It took me a while to figure that one out. Cause my timeline has been all screwed up the past week or so without a steady job and with everyone gone. And because I'vd worked 2 overnights now, so my body is still trying to figure that out. Last night my car decided it no longer wanted to have headlights, so it didn't. Thankfully Andrea is wonderful and let me take her car to work. Unthankfully, my boss decided I should see what the morning ruitine is like this morning. So that means that instead of goin home at 6:30 being totally exhausted, I went home at 9 being beyond totally exhausted. All in all, I didn't get to bed til 10 this morning after getting up at 1 yesterday afternoon. So thats what, 21 straight hours? Ick, this job is gonna be tough. I got up at 4ish this afternoon, and now its 11 pm, I have the night off and don't know what to do. If I go to bed anytime before 4 am I'll be totally screwed for tomorrow nights shift, but I dunno what to do for the next 5 hours. I don't wanna watch movies or anything, cause thats what I'll be doin at work, so I dont wanna get sick of them already. And the Bean isn't open yet cause its still technically break. So I'm sitting at home, maybe I'll ride back to campus soon and see if I get lucky and snag someone walkin around campus.
I think I'm coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I want. Either I'm not gonna get it, or I am, or I am going to eventually. I speak broadly here, of course, I mean in respect to all of life. But, for some reason it also seems like its the first senerio, where I don't get it. Of course, thats the selfish me speaking, the me that grew up in North America having everything I need, and pretty much anything I want. Ok, I can throw out a sob story about living in an unfinished basement and having a crappy job and whatever, but I have a job and a place to live and a car (two actually, as of tonight), and wonderful friends, and most everything else thats considered an extreme luxary by the rest of the world. And, of course, I take it all for granted. Every single thing I have I take for granted. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, it does. I've been considering for the past six months or so eventually moving down to Guatemala to work with a mission that I did some work thru in the past. The family I worked for down there had no running water, no water at all actually except for what was caught when it rained. We built them a sistern to store that water. They lived in a concrete block house with no doors, windows or interior walls. It was a 3 generation family living in there. And somehow I still find time to complan about the fact that I live in the basement of a solid house with 3 tvs in it, 3 computers, at least 4 guitars, a piano, indoor plumbing, enough furnerature to seat at least 2 dozen people and a kitchen thats usually stocked with pleanty of food. Has my life gotten that pathetic that I've forgotten "the little things" that a majority of people in the world only dream about?
Ok, dunno where that rant came from, but its true. Well, its true, but its also very false, I'll leave that for the next post tho.
_______ of the day: hurray for material possessions meaning nothing
The too-rich Ogukuo

So long, free Saturday night

So I start my new job tonight, full shift tonight, full shift tomorrow night. I'm scared. Not cause of the job itself, but because I'll be out of synch with everyone else. My life will sorta be turned upside down as it were. My nights will always end at 10 no matter what, cause I'll need to leave for work then. I won't be goin to morning church anymore, 10 am will be like 3 in the morning for me. Hopefully I can adjust to sleeping during the day, if not I'm in alot of trouble.
So I apolgize to anyone who deals with me in the next week or so, I assume this first part will be the hardest for adjusting. I'll probably be crabby and generally irritable, more than normal at least. Hopefully I'll be able to pull thru it and somehow retain some shread of life. If anyone is feeling bored after midnight and wants to spend some time talkin on the phone, I'm your man! By midnight I should be done with any duties I have, and will have the rest of the night to do what I want, including talkin on the phone. Also, any good movies/books that you have that you think I should know about, pass them my way, I'll have the time to do them now.
Ok, I know I still have like 2 hours before I have to head in, but I should go figure out what I should bring along tonight so I can entertain myself and keep myself from getting bored to death on my first night.
______ of the day: I want my Saturday night back!!
The working Ogukuo

Its Thursday!

Thanksgiving is over. Well, ok, technically theres still like 5 hours left in the day, but the celibratin is over for me. I'd say today ranked among the quieter thanksgivings I've experianced in my day. But, thats ok, I had a really good time. Although, I must say dinner with three college profs can tend to be rather intemidating. But, a good time. I must say I do miss family Thanksgivings, mostly cause my family is so different than any other family I've had Thanksgiving dinner with. Actually, my family is quite different in almost every way I can think of. Family dinners are rarely a quite affair, there is usually much laughter, yelling (not in anger), card games, general discussion, and walks to the ol' highschool to see how much has changed. We also have dessert sessions that rival most any bake sales. I'm talking about a kitchen table literally covered with pies, brownies, cake, ice cream, and anything else you care to imagine. And this isn't a plate totting affair, each person is alotted a dinner tray to hold all the goodies. Needless to say, we usually have dessert several hours after dinner.
So please pardon my little trip down memory lane turned family history lesson. I'm not complaning about other dinners I've been to over the years, just noting the differences from what I grew up with. And kinda miss. I'm excited to be goin home in a month for Christmas, especially for Christmas dinner at my grandpas with my extended family.
So, in other news, everyone come back!!
_____ of the day: tryptophene...mmmmmm
The turkey'd Ogukuo

If I had a dog...

So I've been trying my hand lately at lyric writing, and I think yesterday lent itself to some pretty good life experiance as far as a song goes. Unfortunantely, it'd have to be a country song. So come with me on a journey thru my day (fasten your safety belts and place your pillows in a comfortable position, this is gonna be long and boring).
So yesterday was Monday, as most of you may know. Not the happiest of thoughts to begin with. I was planning on goin into work, but I spent a good part of the night coughing and not sleeping. So I called into work saying I wouldn't be in, and basically got laid off. So, quick recap, its Monday, I'm sick, and I just lost my job. Then, midmorning, my Mom calls me and tells me my great aunt died Sunday night. She was such a sweet old lady, one of the nicest ladies I know. Fastforward to the afternoon, I'm gonna run to town for grocieries and other random things. Except I can't because my car decides it no longer is on talking terms with my alternator, which has basically ceased to exist. So, its Monday, I'm sick, I've lost my job, a family member dies, and my car just took a poo on me. Yay!! If I had a dog and a girlfriend, my dog would have dumped me and my girlfriend would have run away. Wait, strike that, reverse it.
Ok, that was the play by play, now for the color. I am (I think) getting over the cold, at least I feel alot better today that I did yesterday morning. Of course, I have enough drugs pumping thru my system right now to make even Robert Downey Jr. look like a lightweight. And the loosing the job thing isn't really that big of a deal, I knew it was coming, and I start a new one next week. Plus, it is kinda nice to have the whole week off. Aunt Helen dying, well its a bummer, but she was like 94 and failing for a while. I certainly can't say I wish her back here, because I'm sure she wouldn't want to be, look what she has to compare it to now! And my car, yeah, that one pretty much is a bummer. I just brought it into the shop and will prolly hear back on it this afternoon. Either way, its gonna cost me money and I really need the car by the end of the week cause otherwise I really can't get to work. And in all fairness, I don't have a dog or girlfriend, so I dunno what would have happened with either of them yesterday. I'm just saying, with the way the day was goin....
But, the day is certainly not without its upsides. I got the new Snow Patrol CD in the mail, that made me happy. Haven't listened to it enough yet to be able to tell you if I like it or not. And I got my new SWR amp head too. That makes me uber happy, its so shinny and potentially loud, hurray! Of course, I don't have the cab for it yet, so I have to wait til tomorrow (assuming UPS's online tracking thingy is right) to have that, and then I have to wait til Friday or Saturday to run to Sioux Falls to get the jacks so I can actually have power goin from one to the other. But, by the end of the week my power output will be more than doubled, and my messing-around-with-sound ability will have also greatly increased. Hurray for 5 band EQs annd aural enhancers! Ok, so thats not that much messing around ability, but more than I have now. And theres an open slot for a rackmountable toy with the new head, so perhaps at some point I'll fill that with a seperate EQ allowing me to tweet my sound to my little hearts content.
And now I'm gonna try to motivate myself to actually get something useful done today, even tho I am still sick and probably shouldn't push myself too hard.
______ of the day: wait a minute, I was supposed to put something here!
The still-sick-but-getting-better Ogukuo

Well, its "official", I am unemployed. At least for this week, anyway. I was planning on working at Greenworld thru Wednesday, but that ain't happening. When I went to bed last night I fully planned on going into work this morning, but my cold-stricken body decided around 1:30 this morning to revolt and send me into a coughing fit as well as a very sore throat, stuffed up nose and general unfunness. And that kinda made the night long and hard to get thru, cause it happened a few more times thruout the night, and when I woke up this morning I really didn't feel like hacking and coughing while freezing all day outside. So I called my boss and said I'd like to have at least the morning off to recover and sleep a bit. And he said the guy I've been working with took all of this week off, and since I'd only have a few more days anyway I may as well just be done. And I said ok and went back to sleep. I still feel kinda icky, actually quite icky, and I was hoping that I had this thing beat, bummer. But now I have 3 days with nothing to do except recover and adjust to turning nocturnal next week. Actually, next weekend it sounds like I'll be working a few nights for some training. So I'll probably start staying up later at night and sleeping in more and more. Its ideal, really. I'm kinda a nightowl, and at least for the next few days I can pretend to be a college student again, a sick one, but a college student nonetheless.
Ok, in an effort to shorten my verbouse (??) entries, I'll just stop here instead of goin on and on about nothing.
_______ of the day: I'm sick, wheres my mommy?? :(
The ill Ogukuo

I'm lazy, so I'm just stealing one of Kara's old topics

So, Kara had a dream about a close friend dying, and I just had a dream last night that I was in the NY Yankees stadium. Yeah, I dream about the stupidest things. For some reason I was flown there for free with a group of people, and took part in some celebration or cerimony or something. Everyone else was out on the field for the whole game, but for some reason I came in around the 6th or 7th inning. And just as I was to make my grand entrance, the game was called on account of frost being on the grass (like, as soon as my foot hit the field, I heard the ump say game over). Yup, even my job infiltrated my dream. In the mornings we need to avoid walking on the grass cause it'll kill it if theres still frost on it, and that translated into the game being cancelled because of it. I dunno why they could play as much of the game as they did, or why the grass in an enclosed semi-heated place had frost on it to begin with. But it did, so the game was called, and the team we were supposed to be pulling for lost ( I dunno if it was the Yankees or whoever they were playing, but they lost). So everyone left, except for that group of us where had whatever special privilage. We gotta stay on the field (walking on the frosty grass!!) and hang out, have a BBQ, roam the stadium, whatever. It was at that point that I realized I didn't know anyone else in the group, except President Bush. yup, he was there for some reason. Just one of the guys hanging out, helping with the BBQ, no big deal. From there, details get fuzzy, I remember hanging out by a table of food, and Bush goin back and forth from a store room bringing out hotdogs and whatever. Really wierd. And then I was back here in this house (kinda, like same floor plan of this house, but kinda different layout and sizes of rooms, it was wierd) and I was cutting up a hunk of meat for supper. I was doin this in the living room and laying the meat out on the carpet, I realized about halfway thru doin this how disgusting that was. So I washed it off, and my parents were in the kitchen and I tried to put the blinds down cause it was bright outside, and they broke and fell off, and then I tried to fix them, and then I think I woke up.
I have stupid dreams that mean nothing, except perhaps its gonna be a sunny day and I have a craving for meat for some reason.
_______ of the day: A bowl of cold cerial will have to do for now :(.
The hungry Ogukuo
p.s. I'm working on making the posts shorter

More reasons why

So I think I've figured out another reason why Tuesday was so poopy. I mean, its a variety of things, but I figured out one reason that I hadn't thought about before that is outside of myself, thank goodness. They guy I've been working with the past few weeks was kinda complaining about another guy at work, one of the bosses who isn't really good at being a boss, or that much of a worker, really. Can't say I really disagree with him, they guy is kinda a flake. But the guy I've been workin with keeps goin on about how he isn't fair, and demands too much out of others when he himself doesn't really do that much work. After a while it got kinda old, I mean, yeah, the guys not the best boss, but enough is enough. And I know I kinda kept the conversation goin too, cause the only other thing this guy really talks about is sports, which is about as interesting to me as a steamy pile of, um, compost. Ok, so I'm interested on sports on the surface of them, as in I kinda like watchin a game once in a while, especially if its playoffs or whatever, but all the guys are work talk about drafts and stats and whos worth what and what team stands a chance this year for whatever reason. *yawn*. No thanks. So, instead of listening to this guy talk about that, and me not knowing a tidbit of what hes talking about and pretending to be interested I'd keep the conversation on something that I at least know something about. I stopped that today, I kept shifting the conversations to music, something I'm interested in. And I had a happier day :).
Plus, its almost the weekend, and thats always happy. I also moved the keyboard from the otherside of hte basement over by my computer, so now I can look up sheet music online (which is very hard to find, btw, anyone know a good site that has a wide selection?) and play. Its fun, I've learned the intro to an Evanescance song, a Goo Goo Dolls song, and Music Box Dancer.
Ok, I'm being distracted by the fact that I dont want to write anymore. Are my posts way too long? I have a feeling I bore people so they just dont read what I write...
______ of the day: I hate barberry bushes
The cube-shaped Ogukuo

Reasons why

So I'm mulling over what I wrote last night. And the reasons why.
I don't wanna slip slowly into a life that will make me look back in 20 years and say "woah! what happened? I used to have so much fun, now my life is boring and I don't know when it happened" And I'm on the leading edge of that happening. Not because I want to, but because its gonna happen no matter what.
Of course, thats life, and its goin by faster and faster it seems, and life isn't fair, and blah blah blah, I've heard it all before. All those stupid cliche phrases are true, and none the less stupid. They are so applicable to life that they are meaningless. I don't want to hear that life isn't fair, or that "you need to start being responsible" and other random cliche "its time to grow up" phrases that sound like things your mother would say. I just want to live life. I know that bills need to be payed, and retirement needs to be saved up for, and all that crap, I just want to have a life once its all said and done. Whats the point of life if you spend all of it worrying about how much it costs, and if theres any way to save a buck or two. Forget that, I'll live my life, have fun, spend what I need to, save for what I want to, and worry more about what my money can do for me than what I have to do to get it.
Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 23? If it is, I think I'm having it. 6 months into the workforce and I'm already ready to call it quits. For those of you still in college (which, by my calculation would be anyone who actually reads this) enjoy it! Yeah, papers and tests suck, but at least you are being mentally stimulated. I've gotta find a job sooner or later that actually offers that. I've gotten dumber the past 6 months because of mindless work. Now anyone who has talked to me at length knows my stance on Gen300, and how its a crap class. But, I know that what it says about calling being more than your job is true (doesn't change the fact that the class sucks). I currently live my life after 5, my life happens outside of work.
Once again, I'm goin no where with this, sorry. At least Tuesday is over, I always hate Tuesdays for some reason, even more so than Mondays, if you can believe that.
Anyone have a good leather couch I could lay down on for a while and talk about my problems? I can't afford a shrink, the best I could do is borrowing someones couch.
_______ of the day: job politics suck
The Tuesday'd Ogukuo

Since I'm on the topic

Sooooo, heres another blog thats all masked and cryptic, but basically comes down to girls and the future, like every other blog.
Once again, like I did about 6 months ago, I'm starting a new job with high hopes and asperations, blah blah blah. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread, its what I want to do, I'm gonna love it. Except not. I mean, basically, I'll have about 2 hours of cleaning, and then 6 hours of break time with intermentant bed checks to make sure everything is cool. Sparing the fine details, thats my job description. So, like the lowlight of my previous (er, still current at this point) job, I will basically be working by myself. Now, granted, I'll be able to read, watch tv, surf the web, make shadow puppets, whatever while working, I still am basically lacking human interaction. Except, of course, unless one of the residents gets up in the middle of the night. But then the only connection I have is being a meany and telling them to go back to bed.
And do I wanna do this job long term? No. I'm still in that boat, too. And its sinking. I honestly have no idea where I will/want to be in 10 years. Shoot, 2 years for that matter. By that time all my Dordt friends will have graduated, and I will probably be even more sick of Sioux Center than I am now. So, then what? I stay? I move back to Ripon? I move somewhere with no base? I'm frustrated because I don't know which direction. And there are so many way to finish that sentance.... which direction God wants me to go, which direction I want to go, which direction I "should" go, which direction would be financially best for me, etc etc. And why do I have to figure it out now? Well, I should start figuring it, I'm graduated from college, I have the piece of paper telling people that I jumped thru the hoops to be able to tack B.A. to my name. This, of course, means I should be able to find a real job, not just hop from one hourly job to another. Of course, its also appealing to live in an unfinished basement with no real commitment or responsibility. But that also means no real base either. No one I know will be there who I can come home from work to every day, and who would move with me wherever I/we happen to move to.
I think what I need is a little less of people giving me wonderful/useless/annoying suggestions for what I should do in the career/girl/living situation category and a little more interaction with God and the following of his lead. Cause right now, I'm not sure where Hes leading me, but I think that means that He has something for me, its just a matter of His timing of showing me what it is.
I know I don't really want to be to this point in my life, but I get the feeling I'm gonna be ready to kinda settle down into something resembling real life here in the next few years, the only thing thats missing is maturity on my part, a career, home, and a girl. It kinda seems like those 4 things go together like folding the 4 flaps of an open box together to make a closed top. All 4 are needed to make it work, and they all kinda need to happen at the same time for it to actually work. I know, you don't think that I need any of the other 3 to make any particular 1 work, and good for you. You get a sarcastic pat on the head cause I dont care. Yup, I'm to that point, I don't even care what anyone has to say about it anymore. Go ahead and tell me "hey, shes out there somewhere" or "congrats on the new job! maybe this is where God is leading you" or "saving up for a house?" I'm living weekend to weekend right now, and sooner or later its gonna run thin and break. I don't even know anymore where I was trying to go with this, except that I dont know where I am goin, or who I'm goin there with, or when any of it is happening, or if it is happening, or how I'm even gonna know when it happens. When I was younger I always pictured myself looking back on my younger life and saying "yup, I was confused about everything then, but now I at least have a few things figured out". I was hoping to have at leave one thing (pick it, anything) figured out by now, and I dont. I'm still just as confused as I was when I was 17.
Ok, its way too late, I've gotta go to bed, otherwise I'd keep writing non-sensical nothings. I'm sorry if you read this whole thing, cause its disjointed and probably boring, and still doesn't really even say anything about what I'm feeling. So if you were looking for insight, sorry, you didn't find it here.
_______ of the day: _______
The still Ogukuo

Follow up, what a silly word, er, words

So, if you haven't read my previous post, I'd recommend reading that first, before this one. Since my all too boring life happens chronologically, logically it should be accounted for in such a manner. Er, something like that.
So I was a bit worried about not having a job, etc etc. Found out today that I will indeed have a job, working nights full time starting after Thanksgiving. At Hope Haven, of course. That is, if I pass my drug test, and I'm worried, cause I've been hitting the poppy seed muffins pretty hard lately.
I also get to have Christmas (and surrounding days) off, so I'll be able to travel to CA to see my fam and long lost friends, yay!
And in other news, well, there is no other news really, my life is boring. I, again, pruned various shrubberies all day. Oh, I did get to play fetch with an overly salivating dog for a while, that was quite fun and distracting from work. I would blame society, but who cares?
And now I go shower and see if we have food somewhere in our brick fortress.
_____ of the day: Yes, we have no bananas
The jobbed (jobed? job-ed?) Ogukuo

Here and there

So its November. Thanksgiving is, what 3 weeks away? Something like that. Right around that time is when I will no longer be employed by Greenworld (assuming I stick around til then). I have an app in at Hope Haven, and am looking forward to hearing from them in the next few days about a job there. Everyone who has worked there or who is currently working there tells me I dont need to worry, I'll get the job. So basically I'm counting on it. Even tho it'll prolly only be like 3 days a week to start with, it'll hopefully be enough to get me by. And with luck I'll be able to work my way up and get some more hours as well.
So, I'm even doing here in this blog, I'm writting with the assumpion that I get the job, cause I know they need someone and everyone says they'll take me. But what if they dont for whatever reason? They found someone else to fill it, they dont like my goatee, whatever, what if I dont get it? THen I think I'm stuck. Cause I don't know of any other jobs currently available that would pay enough to make it worth it, and I only have a few more weeks of work before I'm laid off. So, in other words, by the time I'm eating Thanksgiving dinner (if I even do that) I may be unemployed. Of course, thats worst case senerio, but I dont wanna count on anything yet that may not happen.
And either way, Christmas is gonna be interesting I think. I really wanna be home, cause if I don't go then, I wont see any of my family or friends from there until June. But I may not be able to afford to fly home, or I may not be able to get time off from work, if I have a job. And it'd be a real bummer to not see those people for another 6 months. Plus I really really wanna see mountains!!! I would kill (ok, not really) to be able to spend just one day up in the moutains. And if I were back in Cali, I know one of the things I would be doin is driving up to the mountains, rain snow sleet or shine. Snow is beautiful, but it is 10 times better when its on mountains.
Ok, enough of that, I should go find myself some "sunday dinner". And by that I mean toast with peanut butter.
_______ of the day: oil and water don't mix, neither do the colors blue and green in my wardrobe.
The hungry Ogukuo

When the time comes...

So I'm down. I dunno why, but I am. I think it stems from a dream I had this past weekend. And lemme say this, this past weekend was totally awesome, my parents and brother were visiting, as well as a ton of other fun people. I saw the play, hung out with the fam, friends, etc etc, it was a very good weekend. But Saturday night I had this wierd dream that I found a dead guy. Except I didn't find him, just his bloody shirt and various other disturbing items that were obviously related to a death. And there were various other events in the dream that made me feel trapped and unable to do anything I actually wanted to do. Keep in mind this was only a dream, but when I woke up Sunday morning I was all depressed and down. And it was because of that stupid dream!! Cause besides that, the weekend was awesome. Why is that? Why did something outside the realm of physical reality make take me so far down when I was having such a grand time in real reality?
And now its kinda the same thing tonight, except without the dream there as a stimulus. I mean, I had a meh day at work (but thats ordinary) and a fairly good evening, social, fun, nothing extraordinary tho. So why do I feel down? Ack, I hate this feeling. And the stupid thing is, it'll be gone tomorrow probably. I mean, thats a good thing, but it doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it, so it seems.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed and think happy thoughts. Maybe that'll help.
________ of the day: Once in a great while everything seems to go right, and it still seems wrong.
The down-filled Ogukuo

Half of the time we're goin, but we don't know where

So, what to say. I wish I were eloquent with words (or could at least spell them correctly, and don't correct me, I don't care). I love music. I love listening to it, learning about it and the people who make it and would love nothing more than to be able to express myself thru it. And I do somewhat with OJK, but I also wish I were able to play guitar and piano well, and most of all I wish I could write. I listen to people like S&G or Dylan or Cash and I hear how increadably simple their lyrics are, but yet still how deep. Right now I'm listening to a studio cut of S&G's 'A Poem on the Underground Wall' and I'm blown away. I mean, its a song about a kid grafitti-ing, but yet its written in such a beautiful way. And music is so powerful, too. My computer just randomly shuffled to the song ' 7 O'clock News/Silent Night'. It is the best example I can think of for a dicodamy, or whatever. I mean, the whole song is S&G singing a beautiful peaceful rendetion of Silent Night over a reading of the evening news. The news is filled with reports of celebrity drug overdoses, war, racism, politicalism, and other horrible things that seemingly (sadly) define our world in present times. The song is such a beautiful (truthful) picture of what we have blasted at us everyday, and the simple (but not really) knowledge we have of our salvation thru Christ. It seems that the evening news overtakes that fact, but in reality, like in the song, it is always there, always a part. I dunno, not only can I not write meaningful songs, I can barely write about ones that have been written.
I'm now listening to A Hundred Highways. Its Johnny Cash's last record (?). It sure sounds like the final bookend to a musical career spanning, what, 50 years?. It's probably one of the saddest album I've ever heard, but its such a painful saddness, theres also that feeling of extreme peace in it. The feeling I get when I listen to this album is that same feeling you have at a funeral for someone you have loved very much. That feeling of being wrenched to the point of not even being able to function, you can't even believe theres a tomorrow, but somehow, by no earthly power, that feeling also brings a wonderfully deep peace. Its the same peace that is found in Silent Night. That awe-inspiring, all-incompassing, way beyond anything I'll ever be able to understand fully on this earth peace from God. "And I came to believe in a power much higher than I/I came to believe that I needed help to get by."
I guess thats what I love about music, its ability to create such deep human connection between those who are sharing it. I wish I had the gift to be able to create that connection.
I hope you take something out of this post, I mean, its not eloquent writing, and probably not clear most of the time, but I mean it all.
_______ of the day: Heroes often fail
The Sunday'd Ogukuo

The Time Has Come

Well, no more waiting to know....... :(

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

Thanks to Ben Folds for the catchy title, except I'm not Reinhold Messner, since I'm writting this myself its an autobiography, and is there any possible way that an autobiography can be unauthorized?
So heres what I'm facin': three felonies, six years of probation. Oh wait, I'm not Eminem either.
Ever heard him actually sing? Not rap, but sing, hes got a pretty good voice. In my opinion. Of course, those who are self-rightious and hate Eminem because people like his music would disagree based on the fact that he sucks because they don't like them, and they don't like him because he sucks. And somewheres in that perpetual motion machine is the factor that his music is popular, thus cannot be good. I love circular logic!! How about you?
So heres what I'm really facing: Out of 12 people or so who applied, me and one other person were granted the chance for an interview. These both happened this past week. Mine went well, I can't speak for the other person. I was hoping for a decision by yesterday, but I guess both of us are very close in qualifications, so now they are gonna be calling our references, and I won't hear until next week. I just found out who my compitition is, too. I consider her to be quite qualified, and would be a good person for the job. Which, of course, has me more worried than not knowin who I was runnin against.
So I spent the first part of this week prepairing for the interview, everything from reading material, mental prep, gettin clothes ready, lots of worrying and praying, etc. And then there was the interview itself. It went well, I think. But, it was a 4 1/2 hour marithon, very tiring. But, I feel confident that I did well. It pretty much shot Wednesday, I was tired that night. And the past few days have been spent wondering how the other person did, and waiting to find out a decision yesterday. Which didn't come down yesterday, cause they need more time to decide. I guess thats better than a 'no compitition, its not Philip' decision, or the other way around, but now I have like 4 more days of waiting, which is quite difficult. Considering how important the decision will be on affecting my life. But, I'm also finding a certain amount of peace about the whole ordeal. I mean, I know whats gonna happen to a certain extent. Either I get the job, or I dont, that simple. If I get it, I'm excited, and I look forward to a job that I think I'll enjoy quite a bit. If I don't get it, I continue looking for something else. Probably not something as important as this job, but something more along the lines of getting me a paycheck to get by. I should say something to get me by til the band thing kicks in. (heres your cue to roll your eyes, oh ye unbelievers) And I bid the adieu to go find some food or something.
________ of the day: I finally saw Fight Club
The Waiting Ogukuo

I Hate Mondays

I quote Puss in Boots from Shrek 2. I once again feel crappy (but, then again, when don't I when I'm posting, right?). Today wasn't even that bad for the most part, but I'm still in a down mood. Its amazing how one stupid little thing will ruin an entire day like that. I had the day off cause it was raining this morning, so I didn't go in, then I got distracted with other stuff I needed to do, so I just never went in once it stopped raining. Which is probably for the better, cause we did have a pretty soaking rain, so I probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I can't wait for my parents to be out here. I feel like I've been hanging in mid-air for the past 5 months with no real foundation to my life. Hopefully spending time with the family again will re-establish some sense of grounding. As much as I like the free-wheelin' spirit of bein single and living with a bunch of guys with no real connections to anything, I really would like to have some sort of tie down. Thats what I miss most about living at home, I really don't have any sort of structure to my life outside of a work sch. Theres really no one I can count on to always be there like I could with my family. I know I've gotta work on my personal relationship with God, that'll probably help alot. And, I know its cliche, and everyone says it, but I'd really like to find a girl. I mean, com'n, I'm 23, I've been tryin to play the game for what, 8 years or whatever now? I feel like I'll never get off the bench, much less that I'll get a chance to ever get out on the playing field. Part of me wants to be a more agressive player, but then the rest of me says, duh, you'll never do that. Which is so fricken frustrating, cause its getting me nowhere, which is really not where I want to be. I'm ready to give up on the game, but I know thats not possible, and even if it were, I'd never be able to do it anyway.
So, off I go to bed all lost and frustrated to wake up tomorrow and go to work and sit and be frustrated there for 9 hours. Yippee.
_______: Maybe I should give up all reservations and really go get the shit kicked out of me by love instead of just quoting it from the movie all the time.
The Tired Ogukuo